I am in the position of having trust issues, H and I are S and I am having a hard time with the idea of reuniting under the same roof. Here's part of my thinking which I share because it may be what your W is going through... since we are S, and we have a chance to make a "new" decision, (in other words, if we could do it over, would I make the same decision?)
The problem with this thinking is that the decision to be committed has already been made. S are meant to be shortterm and allow room for problems to be worked out without a D. There are no do-overs.
If your W is telling you that she doesn't want to get into the "old " feelings -then forget it - she still feels for you what was there before so things can be worked out. Just my opinion. You have been very patient and will have all our support here for whatever decision you make.
I would suggest that if you want her, go after her. Don't hold back as long as you can be sure that it won't set you back. But it is just an opinion.
I would suggest that if you want her, go after her. Don't hold back as long as you can be sure that it won't set you back.
I've been thinking long and hard about this exact thing. What I've done so far has, I think, brought us to a friends stage. I'm thinking maybe I should do some of the things when we first started dating so that she sees the "love" I have for her. Really what do I have to lose at this point, I'm not going to beg or plead or cry, I think, I'm just going to push a little more into the romantic area.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Great idea....just don't feel rejected if she is hot and cold. It will probably tell you whether she is interested or not.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well now that I posted that I'm not sure what actions to take...:). I've been trying to think what her reactions might be if I say sent her a nice card and I really have no idea. If I had to guess it would be either no acknowledgment or a thank you...I don't think I'd get I told you it's over so don't do that anymore, but I'm not sure...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Hmmmmm....I am trying to put myself in her shoes assuming she is sitting on the fence trying to make a decision. Maybe do one or two romantic gestures (not over the top ones) and see what the reaction is. Watch her face. If she seems sincere then maybe do a few more. If she looks uncomfortable, but is trying to be nice then I wouldn't do that anymore.
Now, if there is any doubt in your mind that she is done and just trying to play nice for the kids or her own guilt then I wouldn't do anything. I would go with the complete 180. Let her think she has lost you and you don't need her anymore. Right now she knows you are right there. If she had some thoughts of you moving on then maybe she would change her tune.
You know more than anyone what she may be feeling.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Got a VM from W about some testing D had to do for school. Weird since she never really calls. Every time I talk to her or hear her voice I just wonder how close is she to finishing the agreement for the D. I wonder how much harder it is that I put it on her and am not going to help her. I wonder when are we going to tell the kids about the finality of our M, this is the hardest thing as EVERY TIME we're together as a family they always ask me to stay with them and ask why I have to go...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well so yesterday she calls to invite me to dinner. When she's asking I can't remember her sounding so nervous, it was strange...She it was such a nice night and she wanted to eat out on the deck...I figured what the heck, if I'm going to get D papers I'm going to get them.
We eat, I help the K's with homework. Give the kids a bath read stories put them to bed, ect. I stick around for a bit after the kids are in bed to give her a chance to bring ANYTHING up but we just chat and I leave.
Having dinner is not unusual we've done it many times...The REALLY unusual part is this is only the second time in TWO YEARS that she's invited me to dinner out of the blue.
Now recapping three weeks ago today she said we're done no fighting no I hate you just it's not going to work...One week ago today (not sure what's up with her and Thursdays)she calls and wants to work out a settlement together...Then we have yesterday...
I really can't figure this out and any and all input would be appreciated.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
