This shouldn't be taking a toll on Gym woman... she knew you were married when she entered in a relationship with you. What choice do you have at speeding up the process... NONE.
As far as D17... I think you should respect her wishes until you are divorced. That's just my opinion but if you don't have her that much it shouldn't be a problem.
Look from a daughter of a Divorced parent... I valued and cherished the time with my dad. Plus you have been gone for a while to Iraq and before that dealing with a failing marriage. She needs you and you really don't have a lot of this type of time left with her as she will be moving on in her life soon. Take this time and give it to her...no complications and frankly if Gym woman doens't get that.. she's not worth a grain of salt.
It's not a contest... at this point your daughter should win. Maybe I feel this because been there and done that but my dad cherished his time with me and didn't need to involve me in his dating life. He kept that seperate until he knew he was going to marry this woman.
PS Your wife sure takes the cake and it's no wonder your tired of the BS.
Last edited by sandycay; 05/01/0905:37 PM.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Well, that's blip number two for Gym Woman! Sandy is right, Gym Woman took up with a man who was still married and in the midst of an ugly divorce. What the heck did she expect? I think the honeymoon is over and she's thinking "I got him" so now the underlying uglies are starting to surface. She's becoming demanding and somewhat insensitive. It's one thing to say "this is taking a toll on me" and another to say "you don't want to be divorced". The latter is a hurtful, blaming remark. I also think your D may be playing a control game here. It's one thing to expect Dad to make you the centre of his attention when she's there, that's fair. It is not fair to demand no contact with Gym Woman. You have the right to make phone calls but should also make them brief and respect D's wishes to some degree. It's a new world, she has to adjust too. Hang in there!
I think you want to be divorced. At least that is what I get from your posts.
My boys were 12 years old when their dad took up with his former OW. The D impacted them and it continues to this day. Thank goodness I have a daughter who tells me things! I know that WA's have no idea how their actions impact their kids (nor do they care), but thank God someone is left behind to know. I think that's our job FL. It's the most important thing we will ever do. To let our kids know that we know what they're feeling, even if we say nothing. Sometimes I think they only want to have a home, a parent to let them know they care, a parent who cares about them...
I've written you before to tell you that it's the kids who need us. This is still true. Mine are 19 and they still need me. Divorce sucks. But I had them and I love them. They did not marry their dad. They did not ask for a D. And they know that I love them so they are happy. To an extent.
Whatever happens with gym woman happens. The most important people in your life right now are the kids that you and your STBX had together.
Heck.. sometimes my closet anal retentiveness comes out.. I get so fricking literal!
Keep that black humor to add a twinkle to your eye and radiate that smile.
So many thoughts.. so little time..
I was told that our divorce was fast because it was under a year from the time the papers were served (March 17). It was done 50 weeks after the bomb (mid January). As your friend knows, divorce takes time.
What is coming out is insecurity on both your girlfriend and your daughter. You decide the boundaries, take care of your kids.
Both your daughter and your girlfriend can learn to remind themselves of the positive actions you take. Confidence comes from believing in themselves, from seeing that you follow through, that you are consistent. They learn to reassure themselves about the reality.. rather than fear.
In the months that RB and I have been dating, my D has obviously come up. But he's also been very understanding and does not blame me for the timeline.
I see her comment as an insecurity. Same with your Ds. You can reassure them both, but that's about it.
Work on boundaries right now.
And just take it one day at a time. Try not to let it all get to you!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
FLTC, where are you. I'm getting tired of flapping crap on my own thread! It's a well known fact that if you leave your thread unattended for too long in Survivors some weird parties will break out on it. Don't let that happen to you! I hope everything is OK, let us know
