Well things at work are falling apart. Allot of good people were let go and "management" is expecting the people left to clean up the mess management created. Me.. I now feel like a "visitor" here. I have 28 more working days. I come in listen to the other employees Bi$ch and go home.
I am learning to not let the outside environment control my attitude or feelings. I see now how the saying "for every action there is a reaction" can be true. But but what I am trying to do is "for every action there could be a CONTROLED reaction"
My wife was on the phone last night taking to our D about BF problems (D's not Wife's). As I was in the other room listening I felt like that Cartoon that has the guy sitting there and the little devil in standing on one shoulder and whispering in my ear.."Ya right, BS our D how you know how to handle relationships by having affairs" And on my other shoulder is the little angel whispering "let it go you can not relive the past and you are only responsible for what you do and how you feel"....
I do recognize that allot of this was not really caused by me directly but how I sometimes reacted to things wife did and It just added fuel to the fire. I have seen this especially reading things here how other H's are reacting (like IRISH's H) and seeing how I did some of the things he does and looking from the outside how wimpy I too reacted. Like a little kid saying "look at me Mom" "look at what I did" or pouting like a kid when things did not go my way."saying you don't love me anymore" Don't get me wrong I am not there yet. It's hard to have to Think first and then react. Again last night Wife and son started making home made Ice Cream about 1/2 hour before my normal bed time. When my bed time approached and the Ice Cream was not done yet I caught myself falling in to the little kid role and thinking "I wanted some, why did SHE start it so late." In the past I would have probably told Wife that while stomping off to bed. But instead this time I just said good night to wife on my way to bed. Wife asked "Aren't you going to wait for the Ice Cream? It should be done real soon." I thought for a moment and said "ya sure I'll wait". Wow 51 years old and I am finely growing up...
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
My wife was on the phone last night taking to our D about BF problems (D's not Wife's). As I was in the other room listening I felt like that Cartoon that has the guy sitting there and the little devil in standing on one shoulder and whispering in my ear.."Ya right, BS our D how you know how to handle relationships by having affairs" And on my other shoulder is the little angel whispering "let it go you can not relive the past and you are only responsible for what you do and how you feel"....
Hey Doc, This reads like you believe W feels her A was a good thing, a healthy thing, a successful thing. Really? I'll bet (regardless of how she acted back then) that she now recognizes - at least to some degree - that it was a bad idea, unhealthy, and a mistake. She may not say that to you (people are stupid when they try to save face, ya know).
But are you really sure she would be going around promoting the idea of an A to other people, much less your D? I gotta wonder.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Sorry the Sarcasm did not come through... No I don't think she would "promote" an affair. Don't know if she really realizes how much of an impact it did have (on me at least) One thing that she did say way back when... "I was not planning and I should not have had sex with him it just muddied up the water"
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well things did not go as planned. Sunday it was 95 here and Wife does not do well in the heat. We did see our son off to camp after standing in the sun for about an hour. A little progress I guess was that at one point wife did snap at me. I said I was excited for out son. She then kind of apologized.. Sort of.. (Which is a whole lot more than she would have done in the past.) Anyway she informed me also that MIL had a "woman" test and they saw something and she had to take MIL in to make sure it was not cancer. So that was playing heavy. So we did not go out to dinner however wife did make a fancy dinner which also surprised me because with son not here she would usually just say :we are on our own for dinner". After dinner when she was washing dishes I told her the dinner was great and went to give her a kiss. This time she turned her head so I would have had to kiss her cheek. So Instead I went in to kiss her and then backed away and said Chic...(sp?).. This morning wife called me at work and said she did not sleep well worrying about our son.(this is the first time he has been away by himself for this long). Anyway I suggested that since they can have day visitors that maybe we could go there on Wednesday. It's only a 2 hour drive from here. Day what I am trying to do is "make nice" everything this week. There is no distraction, just wife and I. Things are pretty good right now but the are not what I want. YES OT I am going to let wife know before the end of the week. Depending how Wednesday goes if we feel up to it I will see if she wants to go to dinner then. BTW MIL test came out ok nothing to worry about..
Later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I needed that!!
