That gives me joy. It helps to get informed as much as possible rather than groping around in the dark, hoping you'll get where you want to go.
I was referring to pretending to be ignorant about your abilities to read people, especially your wife. If you can't read your wife, there is an obvious lack of connection that you either lost or never had. I certainly was not calling you stupid or uneducated.
You are SMART for turning your life around and being proactive about reaching for your goals. Coming here is smart. Reading is smart.
I certainly was not calling you stupid or uneducated. Lucky
Never even crossed my mind that you were saying that. I'm more of a facts and figures rather than a creative/artistic type, I need some of SP's creative mojo...:)
Do peoples LL change over time or are they sort of a core thing? If they change this will take some work figuring them out if they stay pretty much the same I THINK I have a good idea.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
You posted on my thread a while ago. I think we are in reverse situations and have wanted to have some dialogue to see if we can help each other.
From the bit that I read here, if your W is having trust issues - as I am - I will shed some light perhaps. What I am looking for is: be a man of your word - do what you say - do it when you say you will - if asked to stop doing something, then it should stop, if something is planned then show up, don't back out - if you don't like something a simple say so ( without the arguing) should be enough - and remember that sometimes you have to do things you don't like.
My suggestion is to either think through what you know about your W and/or what she has said she wants or needs from you to build trust again.
My H has 100+ days now, struggles with our R and the task of rebuilding. I reach out to you because it sounds like you care about W a lot and I know my H wants to be with me too. I really want/need to work out the trust and friendship part but my H doesn't seem to have a clue. Perhaps it is because its so early yet?
Let me know if I can help or not. I hear you struggling, I hear you care, I hear you want to move forward. I feel the same but I am earlier in the process. You sound like a good man and maybe your W feels the same but is afraid. (hence, not filing the D after all this time)
Thank you very much for the reply. I hear you on the do what I say I'm going to do, she hasn't said it for a while but I used to get a lot of I can't trust you're going to do what you say...If I tell her I'll get the kids because she has to work late she'll still call me at 5pm to make sure I'm still going to get them.
I really do think a big part of why she hasn't filed is she's afraid of both getting back together and getting a D. I'm afraid a little also, almost more of working things out than the D, I've accepted that a D is more likely at this point.
I know she wants me to be more decisive and have "plans". One of her "favorite" things to ask is what's your plan, she says this for almost everything. Last night for example, our D has T-ball on Saturday and it's our turn to work the concession stand, problem is the game is from 10:00-11:00am and our shift is 12-2pm. Last night she asked what my plan was, I actually had one, I could tell she was a little surprised. Usually I just say I don't know what's yours or I don't care whatever you want to do. My problem is sometimes I really don't care, I'll do whatever is easier for her but I've tried to stop that, and I think I'm doing a good job...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I like that... "What's your plan?" That's pretty effective in making sure that those around you have thought things through before they come to you with a messy blob of information. Cool.
In being consistent with this question, she's *forcing* you to behave in the way that she presumably needs. I assume that the way it is delivered, she is not judging or being condescending (because that would NOT be good.)
I assume that the way it is delivered, she is not judging or being condescending (because that would NOT be good.)
Lucky
No nothing like that at all. She's just a VERY organized person, me not so much. I'm pretty sure I have one of the "messiest" desks in our office, but I know where everything is :).
Oh and I did pick up 5LL didn't have time to start it yet, work is killing me but I did skim through it.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Got a call from W on the way home from work, WHILE she's making dinner for the kids that she wants to talk about the D. W: Talked to L and he is going to make a court date but I was hoping we could work this out ourselves... Me: (shocked)Ok give me something from YOU not L that you think is fair. W: I thought we could do this together Me: ummmm no just come up with something you think is fair W: What do you think is fair Me: for us to fix M W: For D Me: I don't want this you do come up with something W: I'm not sure what do you think Me: 50:50 W: not going to happen Me: Well come up... W: Ok I want it all... Me: Not going to happen, I'm going to go we're not getting anywhere W: so you're just going to hang up on me Me: No bye . . . So I guess me thinking these last two weeks she was having second thoughts well I guess not. I'm really fine with it at this point MUCH MUCH MUCH more po'd than hurt or sad. I really think she thinks that we're going to be best buddies after a D and nothing will change from the way we've been. She's wrong. I've going as dark as dark can be, not in any way to save M but my sanity.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Thanks but at this point I'm not really sure I want her anymore. She knew how I felt and I think she took advantage of that or at the very least thinks things won't change with a D. I think I've given all I can to her and I really think she doesn't fully understand what a D means.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
It helps to get informed as much as possible rather than groping around in the dark, hoping you'll get where you want to go.