Seperated

[song]

I think you should wear it as long as you are committed to the M. I wouldn't phrase it to S3 that way because it is somewhat disparaging to W. I would say something more like "It's daddy's and it's very special so I don't ever take it off". Same message but without the dig.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

I think you should wear it as long as you are committed to the M. I wouldn't phrase it to S3 that way because it is somewhat disparaging to W. I would say something more like "It's daddy's and it's very special so I don't ever take it off". Same message but without the dig.

Thanks Song that does sound much nicer - probably would've gained a little respect from the W saying it like that.

[PortlandDad]

Thanks Song that does sound much nicer - probably would've gained a little respect from the W saying it like that.

It was a loaded question: there is almost no answer that you could have given that wouldn't be seen as pursuit. She has already taken her ring off; hence by acknowledging that yours is staying on, you are both 1) making her feel guilty for removing her ring and breaking her M covenant, and 2) that you are still trying to work things out in contravention of her wishes to end the M.

Your answer, and songs' were both ok, but I don't think there was a answer that you could have given that would have been positive.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Alright, the W went to her lawyer on Thursday during the afternoon, she wouldn't let me seem him Thurs night - no big deal I had backup plans with friends. She did say that she retained the lawyer and that her lawyer was contacting mine to make arrange visitation until court.
Friday evening I called her wondering if he could sleep over - she wouldn't let him, and I later found out that she dropped him off at her aunts to go out to movies with her cousin.
She said didn't your lawyer contact you - no not yet - why what's up? - She said I could see him Saturday but wouldn't give me any details, just that she did not fill out any paper work for D. About 30 minutes later lawyer called, the W's lawyer contacted mine - deal is normal custody every other weekend and 2 night for dinner on off weeks. Then my lawyer told me that the W had withdrawn the custody papers, but still wants to go through with getting a D, but her lawyer is too busy until next month to file anything. Good news for me, I guess, gives me about 30 days to try to convince her that I cn be the man that she wants in her life.
Saturday was a great day with the son, we went to library to make a mothers day gift for her from him. Spent the rest of the day playing and took a walk on the beach when the sun finally came out.

When I returned him at 6pm Saturday, she invited me, I went in figured it would just be quick, truck was even running in the road. She and I spoke for almost 1 hour, that's how i found out about her going to movies. Not sure what else we spoke about, I just tried to validate everything that she complained about me.

On Friday night when we spoke I asked her if I could drop off a book for her to read. She agreed, so i dropped t off, the book was by author Mort Fertel, Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love (if i can't say that here please edit post). She took the book and just looked at the title. When I dropped S3 off Saturday night she had told me that she already read half of it and found it interesting - commenting that some of the things in the book she used to already do.

So here I am today - trying to stick to the last resort, and trying to keep myself in the dark and resisting the urge to contact her.

Sorry about jumping around so much in the post.

[song]

Be careful with the Marriage Fitness stuff. I followed that for 3 months, and it really set me back. It takes an approach of pursuit, which is the direct opposite of DB'ing, and in my sitch, it just pushed my W away. It seems like a good book to follow when both partners are willing to work on the M, but when one has checked out, I think it causes more harm than good.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Be careful with the Marriage Fitness stuff. I followed that for 3 months, and it really set me back. It takes an approach of pursuit, which is the direct opposite of DB'ing, and in my stitch, it just pushed my W away. It seems like a good book to follow when both partners are willing to work on the M, but when one has checked out, I think it causes more harm than good.

Hi Song and thanks for the heads up. I wasn't planning on using any over the marriage fitness stuff at this point, simply because it feels more like something that should be used when a couple is together. I just wanted her to read it, maybe ignite a small spark in her heart and try to show her that there is always hope.
Right now the communication between us is very limited, although starting to build up again since she met with her lawyer, any communication between us at this point I'm letting her initiate and just trying to keep myself focused on DB'ing methods - especially the last resort.
Even on Saturday when I dropped S3 off, she was the one who invited me in and started to talk to me about everything. Although I must admit, it was I who asked for the hug when leaving and surprisingly she was willing. It was so nice to hold her tight in my arms once more.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

So I'm on day 4 of not speaking to or hearing from the W. Its killing me not hearing S3 voice on the phone. I've been good about giving her space until yesterday evening. After work I had to go to her job to do a computer repair - lucky for me by the time I got there she left. I fixed the owners laptop, and while talking to him about little things, I wrote her a note and left it on her desk. The note simply stated Hi and have a wonderful day

The owner saw the whole thing(he is well aware of everything between the W and I) and as I was leaving to put the note on her desk, he asked me if her door was open. It was, but i had said to him I had only planned on sliding it under the door. Since the door was open and he was with me, I simply placed it on her desk.

I have no idea how she reacted - if she even acknowledged or recieved the note. But hopefully it brightened up her day and put a smile on her face. Now for me to go back to taking care of myself and try my best not to contact the W.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Hi All. I didn't make it through the day yesterday without contacting the W. I called her while at work - just wanted to say hi and see how she and S3 are doing. We only talked shortly - I ended it before I got too excited to be hearing her voice.

I came home from work, and finally got to cut the grass - the rain had let up for a day. After that I went for a bike ride (beach and back - about 11 miles). When I got home I had a message on the answering machine. It was the S3 - just rambling on - great to hear his voice - messaged W to make sure everything was OK - she immediately called back. Everything was fine - S3 wanted to call someone - so she had him call me. After speaking to S3 for a few minutes about his day W took the phone. We spoke for a few minutes - really not about anything - which is more then what it has been - she asked me what I have been up to and told just taking care of house and riding bike and trying to get back in shape(lost 25 pounds now in about 6 weeks - yeah for me 20 to go to reach my goal).
From there we hung up and i finished up work around the house.
That brings us to today - I sent her a message after going out with her uncle after work (we are really close over time). Got a reply back that she was at beach with S3 watching fisherman - told her have a good night and if she wants to chat later to let me know.

Now on a side note, my parents just got back from vacation after 3 weeks, they baby sit daily for us. They had the W over for dinner Tuesday - before seeing me - but hey what do I care - just glad that they are all still talking. I spoke to my father today and they were discussing taken S3 to Florida next month for 2 weeks - The W asked if she could come down there to take S3 to Disney World. My father's response to her was that I thought the 2 of you were going to bring him there together. W responded to him saying that we would, now here's my W that wants a divorce, yet still wants to bring our S3 to Disney world together and stay under the same roof after being apart since the end of February. Does this seem strange to anyone or just me maybe there's just something that I don't understand?

But now its off to do some work around the house. Tomorrow should prove to be an interesting day - W is receiving flowers for mother's day from both S3 and I - Yes I know its pursuing - but my way of looking at it is she is still and always will be the mother of my S3 and am grateful for that.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Well The W received the flowers at work - I got any email from her thanking me for them. I had called her and asked her to go Tuesday for dinner - as a late mothers day treat. She declined - no reason as for why just no I can't, and that the flowers are enough - I said ok not a problem.

I then asked her if she would try and talk to me a little bit more, I was trying to open up the lines of conversation between us a little more. The answer i got for that was why, I really have nothing to say to you, and with what the therapist said, when we tried counseling, is that I didn't want to hear her nagging and that she had nothing nice to say. I told her its alright, the therapist is not always right, I would like to hear your nagging and everything else, no matter how mean, that you have to say, about whatever is on your mind. I didn't get any kind of response so I guess I'll have to just wait and see if she opens up to me. I'm hoping that she does so that I can get some more ideas on where I need to work on myself and improvement to become a better person.

[volleydog]

I would like to hear your nagging and everything else, no matter how mean, that you have to say, about whatever is on your mind.

WOW!!!

Why would you EVER tell her that? You're telling her it's ok to be mean to you? I know it sux and you just want to have some communication but you don't want that, ever.