Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[Grace_O]

Ah, the trick is to go for more than survival....and to live

Keep up the good work!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

It means alot just to have a line of communication with someone who has lived this and survived.

Really? :p

You'll return the favor, that is how you pay back here.

Grace with the dirty face. : ) How is life treating you...nay...how are you treating life? Wringing it out for all it is worth?

[In Limbo]

I certainly look forward to the day when I feel like I'm living rather than just surviving. I know it will come, just not here this moment. Gotta get out of this funk!

Next week I'm on business travel 2 nights and really looking forward to having some me time and also some time to hang out with my co-workers from all over the country. We only see each other face to face a few times a year and it will be a great distraction. Plus, gives H time with the boys which hopefully will be a good thing. So, I'll look toward next week and take this weekend as it comes - expect the best and prepare for the worst as Grace said.

Gotta go take S11 to the doctor. Strep throat is rampant around here - hope that's not it.

[Grace_O]

Limbo,

I hope it's not step. Either way, take care.

Jack,

Ever see "A Clockwork Orange"? Remember the "dance" sequence? I'm not the dancer, but I refuse to TAP OUT. All in all I am grateful and still have my twisted sense of humor ^.^

[In Limbo]

Well, it was strep. But we've got the antibiotic, so as long as nobody else gets it we're good to go.

H called and wanted to meet for dinner. So that's breakfast Thursday, dinner Thursday, dinner Friday. What's up with that?!? Anyway, we met and H actually complimented how nice I looked and teased me into sitting beside him in the booth. Everything went well except for two little "oops" on my part where I let it show that something bothered me. One was when he mentioned his dance teacher trying to talk him into going to a big party they're having soon. Without realizing it, my face gave away that I did not approve. He noticed right away and got a bit defensive, saying "don't worry, I'm not going b/c I'd have to wear a tux." Second time was when he teased me about asking him 14 times something (one of his major complaints is I ask too many questions). All in all, I guess if that's all I screwed up then I did well. As we were leaving he called S11 over to his car and gave him a video of a band and told him he could watch it when he got home. The thing has a parental advisory on it! Ugh! Anyway, he's at dance class and I think my state of mind is enough better than earlier today to be prepared for him to come home. Thanks to Grace I'm remembering to expect the best and prepare for the worst.

H still hasn't mentioned tomorrow night. Should be interesting to see if he heads out for the dance class that doesn't really exist and bails on his own friend. Will deal with that if/when it happens and be glad if he doesn't go. No expectations...no expectations.

Happy Friday all and enjoy your weekend!

[sandi2]

In Limbo, yes you are very tired, sweetie. You need a lot of rest b/c I'm sure you are not sleeping very well. You need to eat a well balanced diet and the exercise is very good for you. All three of these work together to keep your strength through this bad stuff you're going through and you need to stay well.

I wished the two of you could talk about what will be said to the boys, but I can see where he probably wouldn't stick to what he said to you. Anyway, I hope that there won't be an argument break out in front of them. Think of it this way.......even if he comes out looking like he is a great dad and it is a mutual agreement.....the kids are going to be asking "you" more questions later on. You will have a better chance at answering their questions in your own way.

I know you would not paint him in a bad light, but neither should you try to make him out to be a hero when he isn't! Guess that is just my POV, but so many mothers do that when the dad's have practically deserted their kids.

Well, I know this weekend is not what your dreams are made of, but hope you will gather your strength and be prepared to show you are the best mom in the world........b/c those kids think you are and don't let anyone take that away!

Take care,
Sandi

[peacetoday]

L
Is there anyway you could take dance classes with H
I know you aid you do not feel coordinated
but
I dance and itr doesnt take much really
and it is very sexual/btings closeness and attraction between partners
if your H wont mind, it may be worht the effort
peace

[In Limbo]

Peace,

H has told me he isn't ready for me to be part of that part of his life right now. I think that's because he'd rather share it with OW. Since she's married and he's pursuing her to be more than a friend (not sure if she's reciprocating, but I believe so), that's a way for him to invite her to public events. Yes, it's a sexual thing between two partners and that's why it hurts for him to exclude me. Just found the ticket for tonight and it's not a class at all (knew that b/c there ARE no classes tonight) but turns out it's a formal sit-down event to view a competition. Why wouldn't he just say "I'm going to a competition"? Because there would not be any reason for me not to go since he will not be dancing, just observing. Oh, and b/c he's probably taking OW too, yeah there's that.

What hurts so much is him holding me and loving on me....so confusing.

Will post more later when after take care of the kids....

[peacetoday]

It must be confuwing
mine never iniaited physical contact with me after bomb
he did have his A while we were still together though, but I had no clue

would it6 be possible to take a few classes dance on your own
tell him you have this new interest in learning to dance and try it
it may help for the future
and it would be a way to GAl and have fun
peace

[In Limbo]

My H is currently in EA with OW (she's 27 - what IS IT with these young girls - no way I'd have been interested when I was that age). I have no reason to believe it has become PA. I feel like right now he's just playing both sides to see which will work out. If OW reciprocates and indicates she might leave her H, I believe things will become different.

H is very suspicious of all changes I make and my concern is that since he gets angry every time I mention going with him to dances/parties/etc. that he might see me taking dance classes as trying to make fake changes just for him. I did however attend a Zumba class at the Y which is a sort of Latin dance aerobics thing. Might continue that to at least work on my coordination and rhythym. H does come home and have me practice with him.

I know that my sitch is not as difficult as many on here. My H is still coming home, still initiating physical contact, etc. I just can't stand living with all the lies. He has no idea how much I know and it's so difficult not to let it show on my face (I'm told I have a very expressive face). But I know that the moment he knows how much I've learned by "snooping" (one of his MAJOR hot buttons), then he'll totally back away. The heard thing is that so many of his lies are so transparent, there's not really snooping involved. He knows I'm an intelligent woman and very analytical, so I can't believe he thinks I don't see thru it all. I guess he's hoping love is blind.

This morning he asked if everything was alright. This was while we were watching the movie "Serendipity" that he bought for OW to watch - I guess to convince her they were "meant to be together." He held me during it and even initiated ML. WTH?!?! First I gave him the typical "Yes, nothing's wrong" answer but then decided to use J3B's suggestion and just told him sometimes it's hard to adjust to how our life is now. He just hugged me and didn't say anything. I guess when he stops asking, stops hugging, stops initiating contact, then that's when I know he's no longer conflicted. As long as he's conflicted, maybe there's hope.

Hope you have a good weekend. Seems like it's common around here that weekends are tough. Take care!