I'm back. I blew a fuse - all that pent up frustration from the past. I thought when H became sober, things would be different. But change comes slowly and it is happening. H has 90 days, still attends meetings, goes to church, keeps up with therapy.
He is showing a new understanding of our M, he takes responsibility for his part in tearing apart our R. No more conflict, no more walking on eggshells, and we talk. He is understanding of my position and feelings now more than ever. He listens and compromises. He isn't giving up.
We were stuck before - his issue with the kids and my issue with our R. Well, he finally saw my point, agreed with me and agreed to move back in with the kids until they were ready to go. Imagine his reaction when he learned that both are moving out this summer for their own reasons - D got a scholarship to college and S (who dropped out of college) is working and plans to live with friends.
I will be moving to piecing soon as we are working things out and he plans to move back in this summer. I have a lot to work out myself together with him, but the past few weeks he has shown me sides of him I never saw for more than a few minutes before - now it is there all the time.
Thanks again to everyone for your support because I wouldn't be here without it.
Yes Silva - you have your dance partner back!
SO2, AJM, JCJ, Mr Lost I am back and ok. I will be here briefly and then move to peicing for obvious reasons.
Gypsy welcome! Wise advice as always- thanks! Please follow along if you can.
Glad to hear you and H are moving in the right direction. 90 days sober is fantastic!
I could use your insight on my thread. My exh is drinking more than ever and really making bad choices. I am backsliding and seem obscessed in finding things as I know our court time is coming pretty soon. Want to be prepared.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Forget moving to piecing... H has flaked out on me again. No drinking but he has changed his mind about moving in with me. Didn't like something I did. H way of punishing me - but guess what - he is the one losing too.
I will focus on moving the kids forward and then will do the same for myself. I may be overreacting because this could be anticipated, but I am tired and too old to go through this anymore. If he wants to be jealous, insecure, controlling and self centered - then let it be - but not with me.
What a dissappointment! I really saw and heard changes. This is his old stuff. He may rebound but I'm not rebounding so easily these days.
I am sorry Kassie! I was cheering for you. What were his reasons?
At least you were prepared and stronger mentally.
((HUGS)))
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Believe it or not he got jealous because my exh and I took our son out to dinner for his BD and bought him a present together. When H and I discussed what to do on Mother's D, he suggested that I spend it alone with the kids and plan to start celebrating holidays together Memorial Wknd to give them time to adjust to our reconciliation. So I didn't ask him to dinner. I also saw as a last dinner with him living at home.
I am sorry to hear of your latest set back. I can fully understand and agree with your reluctance to stand by and let it happen then forget about it. It's been too long getting to this point to go back to the 'old' you.
In a way, I think you were half prepared for this to happen, but hoped it wouldn't. You never know, if you stay on your own path he might just find that he prefers the 'strong' Kassie.
I know controlling people actually like to be controlled themselves. It's a comfortable arena for them. Persuading them of this is difficult when you are close.
I have a completely different relationship with my new 'friend' than I have EVER had before and it's a lot, lot better.
There is no need for control as I am perfectly happy on my own now and know that I can survive without someone else. I just happen to PREFER to be with someone at the moment. It's a CHOICE not a requirement. I hope that your H can start to feel that way about you and him as well.
