I swear I am going to the bridal store this weekend and buying a tiara. Ty isn't the only one who can feel pretty...
And I love that movie. Have you ever tried to breathe through your eyelids? But the tub scene is much more fun...or the kitchen table... miss those days, but in due time!
Donna, love the Tiara idea....you go Celia Grace!!!
The first time you see them together will be hard...I still have yet to see that...but have seen her....and him with their baby in a picture...it was weird...but that is all it was...you may be surprised...
After the first time seeing them together you won't have to wonder anymore...
Hugs, Vali/Alix
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
A$$ got there at the same, early time that we did - they were just going through the door when we pulled up to a close spot. The whole crew. And they took the first row.
So S13 and I had to sit farther in the back. I was distracted, but pretty ok.
Just blech - I don't want to deal with this emotional fall-out anymore.
X is broken up into pieces inside of my head at this point - I mourn the husband who died. I try to promote a R between this random-voice-on-the-phone-occasionally/free babysitter/kids' guardian when I can (kind of like one of the kids' teachers...?). And then there is this handsome man, walking around with some other woman, laughing and smiling, who reminds me of all I lost, and pain, and missing...it is only when I see him that I am brought back to a painful existence. It freaks me out to be close to him, because I can actually feel him before I even see him (even if he happens to be close-by on the same highway - its happened twice!) I so want that part to just shrivel up and go away...
ANYway....
The concert was nice, not too long, kids sounded great. Went and bought pink and green flowers for D when she got home, then took the kids out to the diner. We actually got very silly over some ice cream, laughing a little too much and goofing around, so things ended on a much better note.
I found out yesterday that I was transferred...2 new schools, sets of administrators, over 700 kids to meet and remember names, etc. Kindof sux, but at least I have a job.
I am looking on the bright side of things, too. I know that the principal here is going to kick herself after she sees my artshow Funny thing is, the woman I am switching with is actually someone I am mentoring! She will only be year 3 next year...
I'll miss the brand-new space and the kiln, and of course the kids I've gotten to know. But its going to be more of a PITA than anything - no major worries. I have taught in the toughest schools in the district and learned so much - this will be cake. And a chance to make new friends.
I covered bus duty this morning without being asked, and she came over while I was there, chatting and telling me about a problem she "solved" for me (I had already taken care of it with another teacher). Of course, no mention of me moving schools next year. Whatever. Another avoider.
*****
Well, went to the concert, early. Of course, x and his crew were just getting there, too! Blech; so much for plans. S13 and I just sat toward the back and left right at the end. X brought her home, where she found the flowers I bought her, then we went out to dinner - ended up a good night for her (even though I still got messed up inside - frustrating, but not terrible; poor S13 saw a weak moment, but not a weak night).
I had to call him back today - he left a message saying that he was picking the kids up earlier than I wanted (AGAIN!). I called him back and said no, that doesn't work for me, or the kids. He tried to get into how it always come back to ME, never him! Ah, poor baby. I just kept saying it doesn't work for me and the kids. He said he didn't understand why I "couldn't be ready earlier, isn't 1+1/2 hours enough, why aren't you packed the night before," etc., etc.. I said, You aren't here, and you can't tell me how to get ready the day before - this isn't about you, but about a calm transition for the kids. He complained that he had to change plans for haircuts - I reminded him that I have been telling him about this time change for a few months, now, and also that I let the kids go to his house more than an hour EARLY 3 times out of 4. I am trying to work together in this, don't make a huge issue over a half hour. [I didn't even mention him getting them back an hour late Wed from S13's bmx this week] Finally, after some more whining from him, I just said You know, you CHOSE this life - deal with it! Very calm, never raised my voice.
Probably shouldn't have gone there, since of course he started saying "Oh, so its back to that again - get over it, etc., etc." My silence made him change the subject to this weekend (he is taking the kids to Atlantic City since one of her girls is in some kind of competition), him telling me what he was doing with them (hotel for Saturday night, might be late Sun if traffic; my kids had already told me) - I asked what the sleeping arrangements were going to be for our kids... He said We'll all be in one room. I asked, S13 in a room with all those unrelated girls? He said Don't worry about it - he'll sleep with me. I started to ask, will a hotel even allow 8 people in one room? and he interrupted to say that he didn't have the money to spend on a hotel for a week in Boston (where I just took the kids). [Poor baby; life sucks, huh?]
I asked that if they couldn't hear the call on Saturday night, could he make sure the kids got in touch with me. He said Yes, I'll extend the courtesy, even though you never do. I said, When? Oh, how about every Tues night when I am waiting for S13 to call me after Youth Group? I said, Look, I ask the kids if they called their father - sometimes they just don't feel like it - your relationship with your children is between you and them; I don't get in the way of that. He said he didn't believe it. Believe what you want.
So, he said he would be at the house "when he could," and I said they will be out to meet him "when they could."
Do these a$$es get some kind of playbook to go by?
So, you are both acting out a little after last night's mini-drama?
How about this instead:
"he left a message saying that he was picking the kids up earlier than I wanted. So, I texted him saying that would not work today, he could pick them up at the scheduled time."
In what way would that have been insufficient?
Great job not letting him push your buttons more than he did -- but why allow him to do it at all?
I should have thought of the text - I actually had considered it, but didn't know what to write (let myself think I had to go into more explanation than I really needed to).
At least I am getting better - I'll think of the least amount of explanation I need to provide the next time.
He showed up at 5:15 tonight and phoned into the house for the kids. They went out at 5:30, relaxed and with their things. I actually spoke briefly with S13 about the time thing this afternoon, and that I was going to stick with the 5:30 - he said, Really? Good for you, Mom! We could use the time.
wow.
I can actually see x behaving and thinking this way for the rest of his life - poor him, I am such a selfish person who always has to have her way! Oh, well. Let him think what he wants to think.
I kicked back yesterday, giving myself permission to just do close to nothing. Today should be more productive; went to Church.
Interesting revelation today: my x-sil just had a very "old friend" move in with her yesterday. Seems he finally left his wife. I think the family always suspected that they were a couple, that she was the OW, for more than 10 years, but this pretty much confirms it.
What's the chances of having 5 children, and 2 of them seem to accept that adultery isn't such a bad thing? Out of the other three sibs, only one seems to have a healthy, balanced marriage.
Amazing what not being in the thick of it can lead to perspective. Makes me not miss the deep involvement so much. I just hope I am providing a better moral compass to my kids than what happened in my generation - the in-laws seem like such a good couple, but something obviously went very wrong.
Donna, after reading here for the past year, I always am mystified as to why ex's keep f'ing with LBS over petty things. They got what they wanted with the D, why can't they "move on"?
that's pretty sad, how 50% of marriages dont' make it, how would I guessed 3yrs ago that I'd be, along with my brother, the 50% that didnt' make it in my family?, my two sisters are married to two great men, I pray for them daily.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
