Separated but keeping the Faith

[Teddy]

Read the posts and wanted to put my opinion in, for what it is worth.

Did I read that right that W has a BF? If that is the case you need to go forward as if the divorce is going to happen. Meaning that she can't spend time with you and the daughters. You need to give her a taste of what is is going to be like once the divorce happens. I think it is time that you display some tough love, and start using some of the divorce busting ideas put forward in the book. Going dark is a good idea. Meaning only talk to her when the kids are involved and only discuss the kids, nothing else. It looks like the future is coming for you and it doesn't involve the W. Besides, how do you get beyond the fact that she has a BF?

[MrBond]

T,

"Besides, how do you get beyond the fact that she has a BF?"
Alot of us are going through the same sitch. Just check out the MLC posts and you'll see a ton of them.

Some decide to stay and outshine the OM and some can't stomach the idea and leave. If he wants to stay in it, well more power to him.

That's the ultimate decision Jag.

[K4D]

When Jaguilar said BF he meant best friend, not boy friend.

Kevin

[Kenn]

Fact is, I'm the one that wants to file if she doesn't pull her head out of her nethers.

Hey Portland,

That's awesome. Can I put that on my fridge as a quote?

Jag, I don't know if you have seen my thread but I am with you. This is so hard to live and then to see it play out in someone elses life makes it too real.

I really wish that we all lived in the same town and I could have you guys (and my gal friends in here) all over for a back yard cook out and beers.

Hope things turn an get start getting better for you soon!

[jaguilar]

Hey All,

Thanks for all of the support on the posts. Yes, when I said BF, I went her best friend it’s her girlfriend. It was a rough weekend and day. We had that 2 hour talk last week. And Monday we had a hearing for a temporary restraining order. I don’t have a lawyer. I have an appt to see one on Friday. The one I had contacted wanted $2500 up front. I don’t have that kind of money. So I went to court on Monday. She showed up and asked to sit next to me. We chit chatted about the kids and all. Then I walked into the courtroom. The judge was late; we had a real heavy downpour yesterday. Anyway, her attorney asked to speak with me. We went in a conference room and started negotiating some things out. I thought it was going to be about the kids. She started into the house and other items in the house. Then we started talking about the kids and visitation. I broke down, not in front of my W but her L. Anyway, we worked out a temporary agreement but I felt like I was losing my kids. I now get to spend less time with them and have to pay child support. I told my W’s L that we had agreed to split all things for the kids in half. She said she couldn’t advise her to do that, then I said but we’ve been doing it. I told her that I’m not a weekend dad. I’ve always been there for diaper changes, doctor visits, soccer games, scrapped up knees, 1st day of school, field trips and now here I am. Being told when to visit my kids and to pay child support; I broke down again.

I went home, picked up the kids and we just hung out during the afternoon. My W came by and picked up the girls. My son wanted to stay with me. She kept calling him and he wouldn’t go, said I want to stay with daddy. I looked over at her and said it would be ok; I will drop him off later. She was in tears and said, I’m sorry I didn’t mean o hurt you. We both ended up crying and she kept asking me what was on my mind. I told her nothing and she kept asking me what. I said it doesn’t matter. She said it does. She said we could be friends. She said this had to happen. I told her that it did not and didn’t elaborate. She then asked me again what and to say what was on my mind. I broke down and told her that I did love her very much; I had a renewed faith in God, my children and in her. That I didn’t know who I was 3 months ago, I was lost. I was scared and I did things that I wasn’t proud of. I told her that I did change and it’s a shame that the ones we hurt the most are the kids. The kids do not want this and yet we can’t agree to give it a shot for them. I told her that it takes two to mess it up and two to fix it. I know we need time but divorce is not the answer. She then said she loved me still very much and I told her that she did not. She repeated that she did love, she was in tears.

She said she was going to Austin and needed to pick up her rental tomorrow. I told her that, if she was ok, I would pick them up in the AM. We could drop off the kids at daycare and I could take her to get her rental. She said ok. She gave my son a hug and left.

My son and I picked them up at her apt. We dropped off the kids. I drove her to the Enterprise and then she asked if she wanted to have some coffee. We stopped at a coffee shop and talked about work and the kids. We went back to the rental car place, waited for her to get her car, loaded it for her and wished her a safe trip.

I’m not confused about her still loving me. I had a feeling that she still does, just not sure how she still loves, yet wants to divorce me and yet still want to do things as a family. I had been DBing and trying to do things with the kids, keeping them busy. Now she wants to have that kind of fun too. She has them more often, she complained that it is stressful in the AM and they don’t get to see fun mom. I told her that I was there too, when she was out late, business trips or working late. It’s your job as a parent; you make it fun, no matter what it is. We do it for the kids. We do whatever it takes, if you can’t do that, I can’t help you.

I don’t know, I have more questions now than I ever did. She is questioning my past, but her past never comes to play.

I don’t know if this means anything, trying not to read into anything here. But last week during our call she said that “she isn’t there yet” then she corrected herself and said “I’m not there anymore”. Then she called me babe three times in one week. She hasn’t called me that since June of 2008. Again, not trying to read into anything or jump to conclusions. I know now that she is going through more than what I thought she was or is letting in. But I find it strange that she actually wants me to talk me and say what I feel.

Again, not confused, just unsure of what is going. But like my mom said, leave it in God’s hands.

Kevin – Thanks for calling and emailing. I apologize for not replying or picking up. Just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. But thanks for being there.

Kenn - I was thinking the exact same thing.

[MrBond]

Maybe I don't understand. Who was the temporary restraining order for?

[jaguilar]

It was against me for her.

[MrBond]

If she has a TRO against you, how is it that you can still interact with her legally and be in close proximity of her with the kids?

[jaguilar]

I have been staying away from her. I don't and haven't initiated contact with her since January. I only contact her if it is about the kids. She has been the one to reach out to me via email, text or calling. She has been coming over to the house to drop off the kids. I only went to her apt to pick up one of my girls but that was only after I asked her if it was ok. I've pretty nuch left her alone.

[MrBond]

If you don't me asking...why did she put the TRO out on you in the first place?

If it's too personal, we'd understand. Although I think it's going to be pretty hard trying to attract your W back if she put a TRO against you.