Well, it's been 7 months since STBX filed, and it's still not over. I have asked my attorney to speed the process along, but apparently it has to go in stages. After the mediation broke down, we need to go before two "grand masters" (Conjures up Harry Potter imagery!)which are two attorneys who have a ton of experience in family law. They tell us how a judge would most likely rule, and then we decide if we want to settle or continue. Lawyers in business to keep other lawyers in business. Great work if you can get it! She will not settle for anything less than 50% of my take home pay because she's that stubborn, so it looks like it will go "Scorched earth!" I got an email from her yesterday looking for $600 in SAT Prep Course tuition for D17. She never even asked if I would go in half with her, she merely enrolled D17 and just presented me with the bill. I give her almost $900 a week. I politely told her to "pound sand". She is relentless.
I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE This!
Ex and I went before the Masters since we could not settle ahead of time. Both your lawyers will go in and present their proposed settlements and financial affidavits to the two Masters. The Masters will review the papers and come up with what they feel is a fair distribution. If both parties do not agree with the Masters' findings, the lawyers can propose a few add ons to 'sweeten' the deal. Ex rejected my lawyer's suggestions and threatened to go to trial. I accepted the Master's proposal to avert bankrupting my family.
My lawyer told me the most I could expect in alimony and unallocated child support was 42% of his gross salary and a 50/50 split of marital assets. My ex has a high paying job and I'd been a stay-at-home mom for 20 years. I was given 40% of unallocated child support and alimony until my 14 year old is 21, then there will be a 'second look'. Our two sons who are in college became responsible for their own education because ex refused to fund any part of it. Because of the length of our marriage (over 20 years) I'm eligible for lifetime alimony, as long as the judge agrees.
In the end he got his pension and I got the house, with a 50/50 split of marital assets. Because of how costly his legal fees were (which I had to pay half of) all our bonds and securities had to be sold to pay the his debt, along with a loan for $50K. Their reasoning was that a judge wouldn't rule to make him solely pay for the more expensive counsel because everyone has a right to choose their own legal advice. It sounds like hooey to me now. Try and find out what your projected costs are, along with hers. It might be worth doing that.. though with Smarmy's help she's probably getting discounted rates.
Going to trial is a crap shoot. Ask your lawyer for what the percentages are for a situation like this. Getting 50% of a spouse's income is unheard of when the other is a nonworking parent, much less a partner with a job. Most women are told that if they can work part-time, they can work full-time.
Your spouse sent you the SAT bill on the advice of her lawyer. Do not pay it. Show it to your lawyer. Your spouse is trying to show precedent that you willingly pay all these expenses, that doing so is NORMAL. Ask your lawyer to advise you on what is appropriate in this situation. Ex stopped paying for anything for the kids.. period.. saying he didn't want to set a financial precedent (which in turn would be seen as an on-going obligation).
After the divorce you can choose to give your kids whatever you want.. but it will be dictated by you, not the court. Oh yes.. and ask your lawyer what the perception would be if you asked for alimony from your spouse. Ex did not ask for that, but he could have from me in case the tables ever turned.
Yeah, if she's not willing to speed things up, it'll take a while.
We don't have the grand masters thing in Cali as far as I know, but it makes sense to me. One more chance to settle before going to trial and racking up a ton more fees. I hope she will accept their verdict (and hopefully it's reasonable to you).
Definitely don't pay any more money to her for extras. Tell your lawyer. And tell her that you are already giving her money for the kids, so she should use that to pay for stuff!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Thanks, Ladies......SUPER helpful stuff!!! Thanks, Gyps. I'll be back to ask you more advice...GRAND MASTERS! ( What a funny term!!LMAO)Like a circus act!!! Hey...wait a minute....... Maybe they can saw her in half or make her disappear!!!!!!
It's called "Special Masters". These two lawyers volunteer their time in hopes of creating an uncontested divorce, which helps the family financially and emotionally. Treat it with respect. Remember, at this point it is purely a business transaction. The outcome should be even weighted. They say that a divorce is successful if both individuals feel less than satisfied. If you think this is bad, a trial is exponentially worse. Make sure you know what is motivating you and what the outcome you're looking for is.
Sometimes both parties will pay an additional fee to select a single Master who is well respected. It's a crap shoot about who will the Special Masters the day of your appointment. When the Special Masters make their recommendation, tell them you need a few minutes to consider it. Go out to the hallway and speak to someone trusted with a solid (not emotional) basis of seeing the whole picture. That's who you need in your court.. someone who sees what is best for you, best for the kids.
Only by looking at the long view, the pros and cons will you know if what's right for you.
Youve been reading my posts long enough to know that dark humor is just a coping mechanism for me. I am emotionslly drained at this point. I want it to be done, It's taking a toll on my relationship with Gym Woman, who just last night said "I don't think you really want to get divorced" because it seems to be taking forever. This, along with D17, not wanting me to speak or spend time with Gym Woman on her days with me, is grinding. This whole processs blo*s!
