I often ask myself how can I miss something that is not there?
It is those memories that cause me grief.
I feel your pain in your posts.
He may be rusting, but you are shining.
I know something wonderful is heading your way.
Last edited by TRUSTING; 04/30/0903:06 AM.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I go through that a lot, as you have probably come to see. Matter of fact, this week at work is "pump up Pam" week- proclaimed by my coworkers for me to see that I have some really good qualities.
Let me send your pic to Jack Three Beans. He shook me out of my rut by describing me as "foxy" or some equally funny disco-era name. I am sure that your pic would suit his fancy far more than mine!!! : )
I imagine you turn lots of heads. Open your eyes and see this, woman!!!!!
saw x AGAIN tonight. good grief these kid events make it hard to stay dark and stay detached.
Well it happened -he finally got the letter from child support enforcement... i had been wondering what his reaction would be. well along with that letter came a later text from him mom. someone that mattered to him growing up was killed today in a farm accident. an older gentleman that was like a mentor to him.
i knew he had gotten teh letter..but didn't know about the friend. he came up to me and talked to me - and then started tearing up-- (this is what he always uses with me) anyway he was sad. we walked to a place where he could get himself together --- he did, I did hug him showed compassion but din' try and have answers. when he brought up the letter he wasn't mad he just felt like I dont know what he really felt. i think he feels trapped... pushed and cornered.
he left the performance after d12 did her thing. (he had told me he was going to...) he texted me and said thank u. i didn't respond. (there isn't a need to)
he lied again about his finances.. i just listened. he cried.. i just was compassionate. I CANT be pulled in. It doesn't help him and it doesnt help me.
i HAVE to keep going!! i HAVE to!!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Hey! I know exactly what you mean about the kid's functions making it hard. My S plays two sports in the spring, so if h decides to show up, which I am glad for my son if he does, it makes it awkward. He sits right up on me, trying to make physical contact in front of everyone and act like we are still really married.
It is very awkward. I think I'm going to try to sit amongst my friends tonight at the b ball game, and see if he will go sit with some of the guys. The funny thing is, usually we didn't sit together when we were really married. He usually talked to the guys. It's like he's trying to prove some point now, or make a public statement or something.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
when u start realizing that you and ur x dont share common goals and interest anymore it brings u to another level of letting go and yet even more healing.
i think the further i am into this the more i see how really messed up in his mlc he is. i haven't wavered i do believe it is a "sickness" but i also believe that they have to want to heal. and they dont. my x pretty much says it. so while they are in their battle with disease we are in another battle of our own and it IS the battle of healing.
last night i realized why i have had such a hard time letting go. it is what i originally fell in love with, what drew me to him. it was 2 things his sense of humor and his gentleness. those 2 things are still alive in him.... and yes that is what draws me to him (in my own mind).
But the rest of him? No i do not know that person....very strange and seriel sad
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
The trip was good.... strange new places for me...
d12 got upset with me for several different things. New boundaries, new life, and she said she realized that I am "moving on". This is what i told her...and I believe this is waht is right for me...
"If ur dad came to me and said hey i am going to counseling..and pursued a friendship with me I WOULD definately befriend him. I would listen and all that jazz...but he isn't... BUT IF he did I would. AND IF THAT took us to a place where we began dating then I would date him...but the truth is...he isn't, hasn't and doesn't want a friendship and/or relationship with me. AND I am moving forwarding...but NOT moving on..."
She got it. Moving forward....doing what I need to do for me to be healthy, financially secure and spriritually sound. MOVING FORWARD.... dating and all that other stuff?? not even on my plate right now... I am kinda ok with just doing my own thing... at least for now. To be honest right now this single thing is ok.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
single is more than ok. We grow so much when we are alone. It is what the Ml'ers need but they are too insecure.
We missed you
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
i talked with my mother-in-law (x) very briefly about some things while back...more like 2 divorced women talking..it was refreshing in a sort. It wasn't a male bashing time..but more about her journey.
there was a stint after the affair that my mother-in-law and father-in-law dated... it started a little while after we got married...and lasted for quite some time. She told me that there were these things that he said that got to her. One was that he "couldn't wait for him to iron her shirts again," another was " all I want to do is golf with so in so" and lastly he asked her to move with him... again and he said "i might have this great job..." she said she thought...uh no.. I have a job etc. She said she realized taht (for her) all he wanted was a wife..not a partner. She remarried another man 14 years ago and they have had a partnership the entire time.
We talked about GROWING as a person. My father-in-law even today is still the same as he was when I met him 20 years ago. Still has "big plans," still sad... she grew. Got her masters and GREW...he ddin't..
that is what I see in my x...no growth. He has gone from running and partying, to the bimbo trying to make an unhealthy relationship work to now he is a player... a little playboy... very strange actually. he even told me last night... he has 4 women on the string right now... good grief!!!
ok enough.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Nope wasn't what I had planned...but after being a wife and mother for most of my adult life this is new to me.
Talked with C about it yesterday.... this is the first time in my life that I can EVER remember feeling strong and confident. It is new to me.... Becoming WHOLE is a really good thing.
Oh last note. Last night I was out with a girlfriend. She ran into a gal that she new that was out with another gal...then came along yet another. (that was fun in itself!!) ANYWAY...we are all talking - I mention something about my x.. one of the gals is like..."what is ur name..." i said uh what is urs?? We then proceed to share info.... She knows my x's last girlfriend... she has even met my x.... long story short her analysis on who he is:
seemed to be trying hard to "be" this mature succesful man attractive arrogant and hiding something...
last note... it was good for me to hear it... he is faking... and people do see it.. (not the girls that fall for him... they see teh same thing I do...) But the others...
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
