As I read your post I identified so much. AND I felt like I was reading a standers version of many verses in the Bible.
Funny really - the fundamentals even are in the Word. In Proverbs it talks about the heart, how it is desperately wicked, about that sin has a cost. Have you ever read the chapter that WARNS us to watch out for the "other woman/man" that will flower us with words, affirmation -- not caring about the reprocussions, the fallout?
The runnign - the FLIGHT does seem so easy. Man, watching my x it LOOKS easy. Singleness LOOKS so simple... you have knowoen to worry about except yourself. And for a time that IS what they want. Sad really - because as you stated.... at some time you will have to pay the piper.
Last thought- your x - vacation - Hmm makes sense doesn't it really? If la la land is shakey he CANT fail again ... so he has to go RUN off and pretend rather than face himself.. It isn't really strange. They do do the same thign again and again...
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Ok we know they are forgetful right....yesterday my XH emailed me asking me our oldest sons BDAY .....( it is the same days has his Mothers ) oh my gosh...has anyone ever had that? I know they can forget dates but their own kids? We only have two.
Yes they are extremely forgetful. Synapses do not connect in the brain any longer.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I am just thankful beyond belief that he is not taking the kids..
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex has been bad mouthing me in front of the kids a lot.
That does wear on me.
I worry so much about how my children's emotional health will be affected.
I found a note OW wrote my oldest daughter last Christmas while I was cleaning her room. It spoke of how grateful she was in finding the man of her dreams. She talked about how she never thought she could love anyone as much as she loves ex. I then found a note my ex wrote my daughter. It talked about how he had finally found his perfect companion. It all just took me for a loop so to speak.
Ex and OW are trying so hard to "be in love" to justify all their horrible behaviors. Yes, I know this was wrote 4 months ago, but it was just hard to read.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Everyone on your thread is always super supportive and that is what we come here for. But sometimes the things you say, worry me. Especially as I think I remember you work as a therapist, or mental health nurse or something? So I wonder if you couldnt be able to 'see' with more clarity perhaps, human nature.
When you say "Ex and OW are trying so hard to "be in love" to justify all their horrible behaviors." .. has it ever occurred to you (sad as it is for you and your M).. that your ex actually IS in love with this woman? Afterall, he fell in love with you once? So he does have the capacity to do that.
People tell me all the time that men are quite straightforward, that I should take on face value what they do/say... if your H professes to love this woman, and it has been 4 years afterall, do you think perhaps you should work on acceptance that that might be true? As hard as it is, I know, but how else are you supposed to read it? If you accept he is gone and 'let go' he may surprise you, who knows?
In terms of DBing.. my DB coach told me even after just 6 months with ow, to perhaps write him a letter.. to say, I accept it, you have chosen ow, but I would like us to at least be friends. Give him permission to feel the weight of his decision and to respect his choice.. only when you really let them go can you tell if they want to come back. Its human nature. I'm sorry I am not explaining it very well.
Why is he bad mouthing you? What things is he saying?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Oh Trusting I am so sorry you had to read that. I too have read those words from my x to his ow. It crushes the heart and the soul. I am sorry.
Ali- your timing is off so many times.... read what you wrote...do you see it has trying to be sensitive to the fact that this HUMAN being just read a note to her daughter from her father professing his love for another woman?? Hmmm - maybe you haven't experienced that one yet. IT HURTS....
And to your statement about being "in love" with his ow. He may or may not be that TRULY IS NOT THE POINT. The point IS that a man left his family for another woman....period. AND THAT CRUSHED many many people. AND as you try and heal -- being reminded of that pain hurts.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
