Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I understand. I haven't done it in front of my kids because I did not want them to see me crying. When I was about to, I always turn and walk away quickly. Somehow I think my W would blast me if I ever let them see me crying.
But you are right. There is nothing worse then feeling like you let your kids down. I totally agree there.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
We talked for 2 hours tonight. The was a first in a long time. It started out with talking about the kids and the divorce. She kept saying it's going to happen and I was DBing! I was doing it. I was listening and validating, always saying right I understand, I hear you. And she was the one going of course many times. She is still angry and listening to her friends that I was a man whore. I aparently I got around, I hope I enjoyed it. WTF? I asked her to ask me and she did, I answered her and she said I was lying.
I would make sure to get her back on track and then she would go off on a tangent. In the end, I told her that we needed to work things out, not R wise but just us. Because whether we like it or not, the kids do come first and we need to have their best interest.
It was a really good talk. We talked about missed opportunities and how things were perceived and lack of communication.
hhhhmmmm
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Baby steps jag. Just remember that you can't believe anything they say at this point. The hurtful things are meant to be hurtful and don't describe what is going on in her head. Just stay above it and let it flow like water of a ducks back.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I think this is the attorney talking to her but now she wants to spend more time on the weekends with us. I had always left that open in the past but now I don't think it's a good idea since she has told the kids we're getting a divorce. She said she needs downtime with them because during the week she is focused on homework and getting them ready for bed, picking them up early from school. I know it's hard by yourself but this is not what I wanted. So now she wants to be included with the kids on the weekends. On Monday, she told our daughters that she still loves me BUT we're getting a divorce. D8 took it as mommy and daddy are going to be ok. Then when I told W about it, D8 called me and said mommy said you lied to me about getting back together. Again, she will not stop talking to the kids about the divorce. In my opinion, she is making matters worse for the kids, confusing them.
Hang in there. You did great in not arguing with W. That was fantastic. As far as the kids are concerned, I'm not sure what either of you are saying around them if anything at all. But D8 seems to have had the impression of something happening. Who knows. Sometimes kids just want to believe it so bad and other times slip ups occur that we don't even realize they may be taking as something we didn't intend.
Keep DBing anyways.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Glad y'all had a decent conversation. Good job validating her despite how hard it can be. I am sorry it's so tough right now. Prayers for you and your children are coming your way....
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
