Separated but keeping the Faith

[PortlandDad]

Sorry to hear that Jag. Keep your chin up.

[jaguilar]

Afternoon all!

Today was a blah day. The wife was gone all week, I made no attempt to contact her at all. Her mom was in town to watch the kids. She seemed a bit offish at first but then warmed up as the week went on. She made me home made tortillas, she called me mijo (term of endearment) and son. That made me feel good. I took her to church on Sunday and it was nice. Then the wife showed up at church, as we were receiving communion. Then she took my D10 to the bathroom and started telling me that I needed to buy lice shampoo and why did the kids look like they were homeless. All in a matter of 15 minutes. Hello, Welcome Back! The kids really missed you!

I told her not to start and then decided to take the kids and go out to Target. We left and she was texting me, telling me what to do. Of course this is from a woman who claims she has no love for me but always to wants to start a fight with me. I bought the kids some stuff for Easter weekend and headed to the house. I was really frustrated and took it out on my D10. I know I shouldn't have but I am getting really tired of this whole thing and the way it's playing out.

Later that night we went back to Target and got some things and bought ice cream and Grease. The kids think that movie is the bomb.

Woke up this AM took the kids to school and they started fighting over a pair of jeans. I had to get after them again. On Saturday, they (the 2 girls) were going out in the school parking lots. WTF! Apparently, the W told them that she used to fight with her sister all the time. I told them that this not acceptable, especially to fight with your sister. I mentionend to them that I was really fed up with their behavior and how draining it has become. It seems my words have no affect on them. I told them that maybe they were better off with their mom. They both started crying and said that they wanted to be with me. I told them that you guys need to be abel to talk to your mom too. They both said they can't, they are too scared. I told them that she is your mother, you can't be scared.

Just before the kids went to bed, the D10 tells me that W showed MIL some pics that she took of my laptop. Apparently, when she was over to wash clothes, D10 had my laptop, went to the bathroom and when she came back W was taking pics of stuff that was on there. Afterwards, I found some pics of various women on my laptop and a letter. I don't remember the letter or the pics. I did have some of W that we both took last year, happier times (sighing), I deleted that I could find. I had emailed my W and told her that I was aware of what she did on my laptop and that I did not appreciate it.

Then the power was turned off! What next, turns out, I forgot to switch the mailing address when I had my apartment. The disconnects were going back to the apt and not my house.

I did call a therapist today to get the kids counseling. She said she can do it but since the W and I do not live in the same house, I have to get written permission from her attorney or her. Again, I told the C that she wants to have the kids "prepared for divorce", they said that they will meet with me, then my W and progress with the kids.

The W just called, after being a B!TCH to me, she has the nerve to ask if she can come by and wash clothes at the house. I told her no. She said what, I said no, you can't go over. She said ok, beofre she could finish I hung up. It felt good to say no to her.

Just Friday, she was telling me to make all these doctor appts. fort the kids. I mean we don't talk but she is treating me like her errand boy. I'm tired of being tired.

What a day!

[jaguilar]

I also changed the locks and unplugged the garage door opener.

Since she supposedly "lost" our extra set of car keys to our Jeep, house keys and the garage door opener. hhhhmmmm

[FitChik]

I'm tired of being tired.

Seems like one frustrating events starts a domino of events some times.... I know it's wearing - both mentally & emotionally. It feels like a marathon at times to get through the day.

I'm glad you were able to set some boundaries with your W and tell her no. Definitely a good practice to get into.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!

[PortlandDad]

Hey Jag,
Little by little we all get to the point where you are. It's a natural progression of being in the sitch: it just wears us down. Awesome job on standing up for yourself and showing to her that you have a pair. Hope that your week is off to a good start!

[jaguilar]

Our agreement is that she would drop off th ekids in the AM and I would take them to school. Since I told her no, I knew she would be pissed. I sent her an email about her overcharging me for ourt car insurance, by $10. And the other was to let her know that I found a therapist that would see the kids, BUT AGAIN, wants to see us first.

I did call her to let her know that therapist had misinformed me of an issue but that if she was ok, I would go see the therapist and if she wanted to go she could. I did inform the therapist and my W that attending the sessions was up to her. I did not want to force my W to do anything.

Well she said she would only go if she could get 2 things cleared. First she went off on my because my sister in law sent her an email that she did not appreciate.

We had gone over to my brothers house for a BBQ. The last time we were over, the kids got lice. I figured they got it from outside, no biggie. We treated the kdis for the kice but my W would just not let it go, she was pissed ebcause we had to do the treatments for 3 to 5 days and so on. So now everytime we go to my bro's for a BBQ she checks the kids hair. It's like she is trying to start something.

Okay, so we're sitting in church and my W surprised us by attending Sunday services. I had the kdis and my MIL with me. The first thing she does rom not seeing the kdis for a week is make a comment to them that they look like homeless kids. Then she sees D10 scratching her hair. She takes her to the bathroom and then tells me she has lice and that I need to get her the treatments now. I tolod her not now, don't start. I said good bye to my MIL and took the kids to the store to buy stuff for our trip.

SO today, she gets upset that my sister in law sent that email. I told my W that if she had a problem with her that she needed to take it up with her. But I did find it odd that every time the kids and I go over there, she has to go on a lice hunt. Then she statred to tell me that I'm not being suportive of her. That we need to be on the same page. I told her that I have been trying to tell her that for months.

Then she went back on the topic of why I moved abck into the house. She said that I couldn't afford the apartment and rehashong old stuff. I stopped her and told her that this was old stuff. What was her point? I thought we were supposed to be focused on the kids. She rambled on some more and then realized she was getting no where. So then she went - where I thought she would go - she said she spent over $500 on groceries. I told her ok. She said that she needed financial support. I then responded with, how/why? You told me that you had this cool 70K a year job, you just got an apt., you bought a new Jeep, you get your nails done every weeki, you bought new clothes, sunglasses, go on weekend trips. She said well I ahve the kdis the majority of the time.

She thinks that I purposely picked to work 3 to midnight. Why would I do that, why would I stay away from my kdis? I asked her and she had no repsonse. So, I asked her to let me know how cna I help, how can I be on the same page because I've asked this question before and got no response. No when money is involved, you seem to need me.

I also brought up the fact that she is changing the rules as we go along to her benefit. I told her that I want to do what is best for the kids but this isn't a two way street.

Then she tells me that she will have to go and retain a lawyer now. Again, she threatened me with a lawyer weeks ago when she changed her plans to go to a weding with her friends. Her initial plans were to take the kids to San Antonio, then she forgot about her wedding and that took precedence. She said plans change...

Wow, what the hell is going on here? Is it me? Am I losing it?

She tried to end the call as if I was the road block, I told her that I needed to go and hung up. I did email her back the following...

*******
You and I can't talk because the past keeps being brought up.

You want me to support you, be on the same page but I don't know what that page is.

I just called for counseling for the kids and we ended up on you needing child support.

If you want to talk, I need to know what's going on.

You know that those kids are everything to me. I would do anything for them. Yet you seem to want to badger me into an argument or needle me about why I moved back into the house.

You just said the kids were the main focus. We need to start there.

But you need to stop with the attacks, changing your plans in midstream and winging it. Of course, this is just my perception, again I'm not trying to start anything with you.

So I'll ask you again, how do you need me to help and how can we be on the same page.

You said in one of your last emails that you were trying so hard to work with me. I'm doing my best with you but it seems to go nowhere.

Stop with the past and track records, you and I need to let that one go.

How can we be on the same page? Send me a list...

*********

Did I backslide?

[jaguilar]

I almost forgot...

I work 3 to midnight, most nights (mornings) I get home at 2AM. She drops off the kids at the house which is by the schools. Now she says if I want to see the kids that I have to go get them from her apt and take them to school.

Of course, I'm gonna go and get the kids. They tell me every night, see you in the morning dad. They did last night, and then she pulls this stunt.

crap crap crap crap

[jaguilar]

Sorry but I'm still pissed...

How can I be the one to pay child support when she left and she makes way more than me!

I know that she has the kids more now, due to my job. But this isn't what I wanted.

WTH!

[FitChik]

I don't have any stellar advice for you Jag... hopefully other can give you some. I don't think you backslide. You let her know your frustration, sought understand from her side, and asked for a compromise.

Any ideas where you Ws anger is coming from? Seems like it's being directed at little issues where there is a bigger issue at stake...

Sounds like you're handling everything as good as possible. I'm praying for you and your family

[jaguilar]

You know I was thinking the same thing too. Her anger and frustrations...I know when we had "the talk", I got the I'm not where I'm supposed to be speech. But it was like someone else told her what to say. It's like she was blaming me and the kids for her not being where she thought she should be.

Things happen when you have kids, a house and bills to pay. It seems that a lot changed or she changed when she went back home for her 20 yr reunion in 07. I thought I did good by surprising her, she seemed genuinely excited to see me. We had a great time.

I don't know. I get the feeling she wants to talk but is scared to open up. I don't blame her, we were mean to each other. But there comes a time when you have to put up or shut up.

There is a lot at stake here and the kids are in the middle. She can't always think about herself, right?

But I was burned the last time she said she needed help with money and then she went out with her friends that one weekend.

I mean come on, priorities?