"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Ditto! Keep up the changes! Go back and read your posts from the very beginning. You have come so far.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Good Idea SO2, I have done that several times on various boards and also my personal diary...what a difference in everything!
Kass, I was skipping over your last couple of posts, and one phrase jumped at me...I overslept....That in itself is a great pointer to your current state of mind. Relaxing enough to oversleep. Go you!
Have to admit that I started the day oversleeping again, but this time my d came and woke me on time - another first.
But the day took a different turn - an old issue that caused much grief and arguing surfaced, we tried to contain it - didn't work. Though we did talk it through instead of just arguing! We stayed in communication - what a difference!
It started to go down the same old cheesetunnels - he not wanting to move back in with the kids there, and me thinking this is no way to be M. I basically took a stake and plainly said - if you expect to work on rebuilding this R and M, then it is with the kids or not at all and I can accept - not at all. I just can't accept - waiting to rebuild until they move on. His response was initially the same. We ended the convo.
He went to church, called to say he was wrong about everything, and as hard as it is for him to turn things around - he is willing to do that now - M with kids if necessary. I was shocked. I never thought he would go there. And sad as it is - I had finally reached a point where I couldn't move forward without that committment. Didn't think he would. Two surprises!
Part of me is wondering, how is this all happening? God does work overtime and I do believe my H loves me more than anything else. H is becoming so much more the person I thought he was when I met him. Not perfect, just open spiritually.
I know I havent' said as much here, but I am a person of strong faith and have always lived my life that way. That is what attracted me to my H in the first place. He lit up when talking about spiritual things with me. Somehow he got lost and now it seems that he is finding his way back.
A few days ago I did go back and read from the beginning and saw the changes. That is why I keep thanking everyone here for their support, because I wouldn't be where I am now without it. You all had a part in bringing me back to life. I will never forget that. It may seem that I say it a lot, but the truth is, I don't have any family to turn to, my kids are preping to leave home, I had no one to talk to. You all, listened and encouraged me. Not just to reunite, but to be myself again, whatever the outcome.
Last night I was asking my d if she would be ok living here on term breaks with my H here. She said it was fine. I was able to promise her that what happened before would not happen again. She said, she knew that. I told her that I was finally ok whether it worked out or not, and she smiled and said she knew that now. Wow! (but the way, she picked out a college! and has a huge scholarship! Phila Biblicial Univ. - she's majoring in Christian Music Leadership) - her church has offered her an internship as Worship Director too.)
Now I just need to get my S a fulltime job or back in school.
sounds like some really good positive movement. Way to go.
Take your time.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Great news Kassie! Congrats on your daughter and her school. What a relief. Its such a huge transition when they are about to leave the nest (although mine haven't yet). My almost 18 year old is chomping at the bit. She thinks that come June she will be 18 and a high school graduate and on her own. She is going to college but doesn't realize she will still need her dad and I.
If you and your H can catch yourself before the old issues get to be huge mountains that is a huge positive step. I guess find other ways to communicate about it.
Doing great!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well folks, that little recap of issues turned into more the next day. H is still sober but I have withdrawn. He handled it a "little" differently than before - he was very angry about the sitch and felt that he just couldn't handle the stress. H said that he will not move back until kids are out of the house.
He wants to be friends and date in the mean time - I am thinking about what I want - and that is not to have to wait to be with my H - I didn't get M to live separately and be alone. I do not want to live on a roller coaster - and I do not want to be with someone who cannot think about anybody but himself.
I don't know if I am being too harsh, but I think I would feel differently if he wasn't so admant about not moving back until things are differently with me. H has the problem, H left, H is wanting his cake and icing without being responsible.
We don't have a long prior happy history, we have little basis to build a foundation based on the past - I see changes - but I am tired. If I am "reacting" too quickly or expecting too much too soon, let me know. On some level I know it is too soon to expect much change, but to think that I have to wait another 18 months before we live under the same roof while I struggle alone and live in limbo is not appealing at all.
Sorry to have such a mixed report so soon, but I imagine it is to be expected. Looking for input.
Why doesn't he want to live with your kids? I don't get that. When he married you he knew it was a package deal! Do your kids know he doesn't want to live with them? Its not like they are toddlers, they are teens ready to leave the nest. Sorry Kass, that baffles me.
Take a step back and evaluate what YOU want.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It's complicated. It isn't personal. He has a stress disorder. No surprise there. He and they don't dislike each other - and get along. There are no complaints either way.
I am evaluating what I want, have been since coming to this site. I don't know if he can give me what I want but he is doing what I asked to address his problems.
His problem with our M is the sitch . My problem is with him. He doesn't understand the difference in our problems. He thinks he can be what I want without the drinking. I have my doubts.
