Wow your trip sounds ace !!! I've never been to Ireland although it isnt far for me and I would really like to. My ex has family in Dublin and we meant to go stay with them before we split, damn!
As for STBX, I am sorry he got back with her, thats not nice, seeing as she was instrumental in failing to reconcile with him. Its not surprising you were hurt to hear that. Interesting that you continue to hear reports of him not being ok, depressed, unhappy, avoidant, drinking alot.. I sometimes think these guys just are like that.. that they perked up for a while there with us, then slipped back to their old ways once the R ended! You know? Anyway, your H as in my ex did also experience some tough times which precipitated a crisis I guess and they are just not doing enough to sort themselves out (like remaining single, going to IC and working on their issues!!! Nope, just fall into the arms of needy OW instead).
Glad that R is proving to be such a nice bloke, I agree with K, he looks it on FB.
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well, we will all need to get together someplace. Maybe for Kalni's 40th birthday in Greece!
Yeah, it did hit me that he's back with her. Proof that I'm still working through some of this stuff I suppose.
I am feeling the need to write a letter to him. To get some things out. To explain what I have gone through the last years, to express some of my emotions, to get more closure. I still have so many questions for him, which I'm not sure he'll ever answer. But lately I feel compelled to ask them.
And he still hasn't replied to my e-mail about the D papers or the taxes, which have to be done by April 15th of course. I can find out about the papers from the courthouse, but I suspect he hasn't bothered. *sighs* Why do I have to do everything? He left me for God's sake!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, I drafted a lot of the crap that has bouncing around inside my head. Thoughts?
"I've been doing a lot of thinking over this last month. Going on the trip to Ireland with the backpack you bought me stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions.
I thought I needed you. For years, I depended on you emotionally. I believed you were the best man I had ever met, and that I was so lucky to have you. I believed I would never find anyone else who could compare to you. I waited for you when the military took you away from me.
I even waited for you when you rejected me for someone else, convinced that if I was only patient enough you would see how much I loved you, how devoted I was, and how much I needed you, that you would remember our marriage and the promises we made to each other and our love and you would come back. And I told myself I would forgive you and take you back, because I had promised to be there for you forever, and I loved you, and I needed you.
But I recently realized something. I don't need you. I thought I did, but I am getting along on my own just fine. I have a good life, even without you in it. At first, I was surprised, but then I realized that people have to be complete on their own before they can have a healthy and balanced relationship with another. And so I am working on being a happy and healthy and complete me.
I think there will always be a part of me that loves you, after so many years I am not sure it is possible to stop. But for me, that love is overshadowed by the lies, omissions, and cheating, and the arguments that followed my discoveries. I was devastated by your abandonment. And I was devastated all over again when you did it again last June. I was so angry, but that gave me the strength to begin to move on.
I never wanted a divorce. I went into this marriage believing it would be forever. But what we have had for the last two years is not much of a marriage. And I am sorry for my part in it's breakdown.
I hope you find happiness within."
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Even though I have nothing to really share about my sitch at this time, I continue to float around because I still care about many of you.
I'm glad you feel better about getting it out, though I'm not sure what good it would do should you decide to send it. I understand how it would be good for YOU, but the reaction/response you *might* receive may not.
You've got everything going for you, sweets. Your intelligence, your career, your life....everything....
Perhaps holding on to the backpack drudged up some old feelings of what you once held on to before - belief and hope for your M? Then after hearing the latest, those old feelings were crushed yet again, sort of?
It's ok to remember all the good things you were devoted to - you can hold your head up high because of that and many other reasons, undoubtedly, and IMHO, that's all the affirmation you or anyone else really needs - the belief you have in yourself.
(((((Michelle)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I'm glad you feel better about getting it out, though I'm not sure what good it would do should you decide to send it. I understand how it would be good for YOU, but the reaction/response you *might* receive may not.
Frankly, I don't feel like I have anything to lose if he reacts badly. And it doesn't have the perhaps thought-provoking impact if I don't send it lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Michelle, where is R in all of this? Are you holding on to the dream? What's going on sweets? Nothing can hold you down or back. Your life will be wonderful, trust me on this... xxx K
The reaction you might get from him might further delay the process you are in. He's already being irresponsible regarding the D papers and the taxes, do you want to push him to keep holding off any end up still M'd to him and paying the IRS penalties? Just a thought.
I understand the catharsis of the letter. I do. Now, do yourself a favor and burn it. Giving it to him won't accomplish anything really.
You are such a strong, powerful, soulful woman. Keep showing that beautiful spirit and put this chapter of your life behind you.
Oh yeah.........GET RID OF THE BACKPACK!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
