I've Come Full Circle 25: All grown up

[kat727]

Thanks you guys. Just nice to know that at least my "virtual" friends think better of me.

I am doing the paycheck burn-up again and it really has gotten old. At least the mortgage comes out of this one so that helps quite a bit. I do have a ton of things to improve and will cost more than I have but slowly, I will get there.

I wrote on someone else's thread that I started writing in my journal the positives that I want(yes, even snuck in flirt guy). Even though a couple of those things I wanted to clear up aren't happening the way I had hoped, they are happening. I am not sure if that is a be careful what you wish for type of thing or not. One things was to get out of debt(the B is dealing with that, save for the house) and get the house fixed up better(which is also happening due to the B, I have to spend funds and using them to fix some things like broken dishwashers, leaky pipes etc).

So there are a few positives out a huge negative. Thanks you guys for your kind appraisals, I certainly needed that boost right now.

hugs, kat

[Sugar and Spice]

You'll both be very -- ahem! -- marketable.

That was cute, Pup.

You know Puppy doesn't lie, so if he says it, then you know it must be true.

You and Karen both rock.

[kat727]

I had to call ex about d8's glasses. We couldn't find then this morning so thought she may have left them there. I wanted him to also understand where d8 is coming from as far as "Daddy". I told him what she said about the AT&T commercial and how it broke my heart. I told him that I explained to her that Daddy doesn't live here now and won't in the future.

She said she just felt as if he was missing from the "family". I said yes, that is something he decided to do. So now it is us and we are going to be fine. It is ok to love Daddy and to miss him, he just doesn't belong here anymore.

I could tell ex was taking it in, but I was getting all teary eyed talking about d8 that I said I had to go.

Maybe I didn't say what I should have or said too much but only an insensitive idiot like my ex wouldn't understand the pain they are in. He still harps about S16's choice not to participate in "his nights and weekends".

kat

[whatdidido]

He needed to hear that. That was good, Kat. (((kat)))

[karen43]

Yes, you did good, but I'm thinking he'll try to just dismiss it or deny it or something. I told H about how S15 was feeling a while back, and H just says he was conning me. Anything to avoid the guilt!!!! But don't you think somewhere way way deep deep down maybe they feel a little twinge of guilt sometimes maybe? Karen

[kat727]

I would like to think so but this is the same guy that is announcing on face book that he is in a relationship with skank! I don't think he knows how to feel guilt anymore.

I so thought I was past this. Maybe it is the pain I feel for my kids. Like what the heck did I do that made me so awful to be with that he would just up and leave me and these 4 great kids? I just don't know.

kat

[marriedCrazy]

When my W announced on FB that she was in a R with her OM; her sister called me almost immediately. See I had changed my R status to complicated almost at the same time. Her sister was disgusted and spent the next day sending me case law on how to avoid spousal support in KY.

I guess my W forgot that her sister was friends with both of us. My W has never asked me to be her friend; but I can still see it. She won't let her dad or her mother be friends with her either.

[kat727]

I was just telling Karen, it has that High School feel to it. I mean like anyone really cares. I think a few of his friends realize what he has been doing. He has been trying to play it off like he didn't cheat on me.

Right after the divorce he said he was in a relationship and then a month or so later he changed it to single. I have no idea when he changed it to this. He responded to one of our kids comments and I couldn't make out the other guy in the picture so I clicked on it. It was him and the best man at our wedding who just got remarried.

kat

[kat727]

I had a rough night last night. It looks as if s16 will get the job at the movie theater, yeah!! the rough part was that I had to find his social security card. Life has been on hold for this whole mess and things didn't always get put where they should have. Anyway, while looking through ex's old desk(that he left behind) I find pictures of the kids from birthdays, vacations and day to day photos.

I keep going and find the card but by now my resolve is starting to crack and I bawl for at least 45 minutes. My poor kids. What could I have done that was so terrible for him to leave them and force them through this mess???

My kids try to calm me down and I "talk" to a few of my friends here but still feel so let down. I thought I was past this stuff. I didn't think I would cry "over him" or what he has done anymore. I mean it has been 8 months.

kat

[whatdidido]

And this is why you knew not to get into another relationship right away. You are not going to bandaid what you are going through with another relationship. You are so smart. This is so hard and painful, but something you need to get through...on your own. I think after about 8-12 months of something traumatic, it hits you harder. Up until that point you deal with getting through the day, taking care of the kids, paperwork.....now you have to deal with the emotions and the fallout of what your H chose. Just know that this is not what YOU chose. He left a marriage on feelings of "beginning love/lust", he left someone he loved and his family because of "new feelings". He will eventually realize this even if he never tells you. You both are paying for the consequence of his choice and that is where it is not fair. You will get through this, and it will get better. Lean on people when you need to. ((((Kat)))) I wish I was close to be there for you.