Bagheera Darling, I dunno if you were the one to post on ED issues? Please direct me to any websites. I have been reading about it and the info is vague at best. Thank you , Delil@h
For what it's worth, here is my post on The Loss of the Auto-Erection, about facing the changes in male physical arousal that inevitably occur as one grows older.
I got my education on the topic from The New Male Sexuality, written by Bernie Zilbergeld, rather than any particular website. It's a very good read, for BOTH men and the women who want to understand them.
Take care,
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
B, Thanks a million. I hear you are at a conference and you took the time to post to me still. You are a doll. { The whole ED thing is more painful then I would have ever imagined } Take care, Ali
I had the browser page open for this site the other day. I was cooking and on the phone with a girlfriend. Hubby had gone to run an errand. He came back before I knew it and he had a shocked look on his face when he was sitting in front of the computer. OOPs~ To make a long story short?
He thinks I want a Divorce. It seems to have "rattled" his cage some. We talked for long time. He told me he has changed a lot and he will try some more...... If you want to leave Ali? Leave, dont stay for the kids.... I assured him I don't a Divorce. That I have been going there for 3 yrs to read articles.
So now that we have reached my sexual milestone? { and I thought that we were home free to an extent!! } We have been thrown another huge curveball. The ED. He is uncomfortable "taking" about it.
WE still sleep like spoons all nite and snuggle and kiss. When we watch a Movie we look like a human pretzel. But there is a different energy to him at times. He feels devastated. I don't want to feel sorry for him. It doesn't seem helpful. But right now I do. I know we can get thru this. I just dunno how to strike up a convo w/o seeming bossy?
Unfortunately, ED is a major factor in my SSM sitch.... And, although my husband now willingly talks about it, things had to brew to a crisis point before he would face the music.
I'm sure your H is in turmoil right now, especially if this has cropped up suddenly for him. Many men view ED as a blow to their masculinity and react in some very non-constructive ways. Although he may be tempted to go for the shortcut--pills (Viagra)--he should first try and pinpoint why the ED is occurring. The faster you figure that out, the better the chances of "fixing" the problem.
For my H, figuring out "why" was easy (and in order of probable relevance for him): 1) lifelong smoking; 2) overweight; 3) sedentary lifestyle; 4) lifelong issues with PE (premature ejaculation); 5) psychological--anticipation of a problem getting an erection; 6) prior cancer treatment in the pelvic area. He has so many things factoring in that ED may always be his struggle.
I highly recommend the book, Overcoming Impotence by J. Stephen Jones, MD. Written for "regular guys" by a urologist specializing in ED, the book was an easy read, humorous, and VERY INFORMATIVE. It talks about everything ED related, but in a way that offers encouragement. My H actually read it cover to cover and is (maybe) now motivated to finally schedule a Dr.'s appt.
ED is often God's way of telling men that something's going on in their body, and they need to check it out. It may turn out to be nothing, but the book states that the male equipment is the "canary in the coal mine" for a health problem, so get the book and read it yourself first. Perhaps he will be willing to read also....it will really help his peace of mind, I think.
Siverado, Thank you for your thoughtful post. I will look into it.
Quote:
Many men view ED as a blow to their masculinity and react in some very non-constructive ways.
My hubby has started to drink again. Not like he used to but here and there. I have had people tell me that alcohol can cause ED.
I also added fuel to the fire by getting upset when it first happened. IE~ taking it personal. Not to make excuses but I have had issues with infidelity with him and that came to mind first. AND THEN also the fact that he has so many rules about sex. Hard = horny he would tell me and when you arent wet it = you arent horny for me Ali.
I have worked thru a lot of feeling these past few days. I do think this will bring us closer together now that I have had time to take it all in. ( no pun intended*) He is still open to being touched. I hope that stays. It is far less than it used to be , I have read physical touch is one of the first things to go? No thanx. I would wither up.
Anyway love, thanks for your honesty. Onward and upward.
COMPASSION> I have to keep this word on the brain. It is all too tempting with 3 years of transforming myself to want to say to him. You were so hard on me.... why should I? How come you? Why?
} 
