When they are in the selfish phase they don't care about anything but themselves. As the LBS, you really do have to step up and become the rock that the kids can rely on.
Make mine a double, please!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I just found out that my work needs me to go to Monterrey, Mexico. I had been wanting to go but felt guilty about going. Now I'm excited but not looking forward to the W and having to deal with her reactions.
I know exactly what she is going to say.
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
I read on someone's post if the spuse ever realizes the pain that they are causing or the pain a D casues to the kids. The answer is no, all the spouse thinks about is themselves.
I remember when my parents told my brothers they were getting the D. We were already out of high school, it still hurt real bad. Even to this day, it hurts.
I'm sure you've all heard the spouse say, but the kids are resilient. Well yea, if they had great parents we raised our kdis to be strong because they ahd aloving mother AND father.
But now they will have one mother or father and see the other on the weekends. The spouse doesn't see the actual hurt they have cause the child and not to mention the destruction of who they are...
It sure sounds like it to me. I know you dont want a D but I dont think there is anything wrong with spending an hour with an attorney just to get a lay of the land, some options . know your rights and entitlement.
Dont tell W. Just keep it to yourself. I promise you that in time you will feel stronger and then you can act on your atorneys advice or Db correctly. You never want to play catch up.
I think iam like you. I had an A years ago and it took H years to decide what to do and finally it was to find himself a little 'keeper'. For a long ime i felt responsible for us being in this position BUT you know it is not waht happens to us in this life but how we deal with it.
H dealed with it in a cruel manner. His choice. I no longer feel guilty
I can tell the D is hurting my kids. That much is obvious. You are right, the S wanting the D does not take anyone into consideration except themselves. They don't realize the path of destruction they are creating by doing this. All they see if what they perceive as happiness and it doesn't matter who elses life it affects.
Pollyanna, I am sorry to hear your H dealt with it the way he did. Geez. My W is having a PA and I still want us to fix things and she won't work with me at all. I told her several times I can overlook the A, all I care about is us fixing our M and family.
Doesn't matter to her. You are a good woman to go back to your H even after having the A. He should have realized there were problems that caused the A and tried to work on things to create a better M for yall since you were willing to try. He doesn't know how lucky he actually was to have the fact you were willing after the A.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yes, I do think she has an OM. I called her once to discuss the house and I could hear a male voice in the background asking her what does he want now. I was shocked and I did ask her about it, she said no I was hearing things.
For the past 2 weeks, I have initiated any communication with her. WHen I did we would just get into a fight. But now I see that she is calling, emailing and texting me more often. I have also noticed that she has tried to do certain things with the kids and even threatened me as far as getting an attorney to order me to see the kids. It's not like I would not see my kids, if I had to pick going out with my friends or the kids. Of course, its the kids hands down. And she knows that. but if the shoe were on the other foot, she would not be there for the kids.
I did have an attorney but that was after she told me she had one. And guess what, she never got one so I looked like the bad guy and looked like I wanted out. I have since let go of that attorney but I will make an appt to talk to another one recommended by a friend.
I have looked at co-parenting, retrouvaille and other forms of counseling. She didn't like the one I picked because she wants an LMFT to prepare our kids for divorce. She said she was a quack when she figured out that the LMFT wanted to see if we could be fixed. My W knows about LMFT's and what their are supposed to do, she deals with them due to her job.
This morning the oldest started crying. She kept harping on me to give her money for a book. I had just pruchased them books and even got her another book earlier in the week. I asked her to ask her mom, she told me that her mom said she was on a budget and couldn't spend any extra money. YET SHE GOES OUT ON THE WEEKENDS AND IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. But I'm sure the OM pays for everything. But anyway...I snapped at the oldest and asked her to quit asking me over and over after I said no last night and this AM. She started crying and said that wished the yelling would stop. I pulled over and asked her what was wrong. Apparently, mom has been yelling at them all week and giving them a hard time. I felt really bad, I noticed that the oldest was very talkative on the phone with me for the past couple weeks. She said she was tired of mom and wanted me to go back to my regular day shift. I told I was trying and that if she needed to talk, to let me know. I also asked her to visit with her school counselor if she needed to talk to someone.
I will call the attorney and I will get them counseling ASAP.
By the way...the kids and I are all very close.
D10 D8 S5
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Just be patient with the kids. I know its hard right now. But ya, its harder on them than anyone else. They can't believe or comprehend how their world is changing right now. Its not fair to them.
My kids are upset about it to. Counseling helps. But they still don't want this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
