It's Complicated! Part 4

[theotherhalf]

glam, sending you (((glam)))

[glamgirl]

SC thanks for that wonderful post. I would love to meet you too, so keep me posted as to when you are passing through.

Stella I am so sorry for both of our pain. Life just doesn't seem fair, but maybe we can be content in knowing that we are not alone. Thanks for that inspirational post. So I did dress myself up today and spent some me time just on me!

Thanks Peace and TOH for stopping by.

We really don't know what is in our futures, but I do know that for now I must move on ahead. You are right Snodderly and SC in that my h could run along and want to catch up. Right now I don't see that happening, nor do I want to have false hope. I am putting one foot in front of the other and moving on the best that I can. Not even sure what that means at the moment.

Unfortunately I am a romantic. I always wanted my h to be the knight in shining armour to come swooping in and solve all of our problems and tell me how much he loves me and that he wants to be with me forever, but more than saying it I wanted my h to show it to me. Well, as you all know I am still waiting. It will all be ok though. This is not what I wanted for my m, nor for my kids lives, but it's the card I am holding at the moment.

I did go to the gym and workout today. That made me feel good. I am also trying to eat really healthy. I am really trying to up my cardio.

Haven't heard from h today, even though he said see you on Tuesday. I see that I missed a call from him last night. Oh well, trying not to concern myself with what he is doing.

I don't really understand WHY my h can't just come forward and tell the truth. The part he doesn't realize is that the lies do much more damage than the truth. At least when there is honesty then you have something to work and build off of, with lies you have nothing. I guess I should thank God for my own honesty. It's really easy for me to face others and just be truthful. I know that is what I would expect from them and would want to recipricate that respect.

[peacetoday]

GG
I dont know why they have to lie
I think they dont think we will understand or accept them and their choices
they want things status quo and many of us might not allow for a freindship if we know the truth
seems you amde this decision fast,you may be cycling
or may be donr
seems like some of us here are reaching the point
I feel don as well
hope it is real thi stime
I dont want to go back to waiting
I did all I could
peace

[Upside]

Hi glam-
I understand about the lying...I have had major trust issues since my first H lied through his teeth constantly. I guess some people can temporarily turn off their conscious and some just people never had one to begin with. For some reason we can't figure out, your H has turned his off and you got to the point where you just can't use the "I haven't been where he is" anymore to justify such behavior. The time may be right for you to move forward without your H...he may catch up or he may not but it shouldn't be your concern right now because you need to get yourself in a better place. I can sense by your posts that you have become increasingly unhapppy. The lying was just the icing on the cake.

Keep going to the gym and finding things to do for you. Dig down and find your PMA...you can really use it now. I am sure if you can do that, very soon there will be some much brighter days.

(((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS)))

[Silent Chrleader]

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Just some drive by hugs, Glam!!!!

Hang in there, sweetie!!!!!!

[glamgirl]

Could it really get any worse?

H stops over around 3pm and rings the doorbell. I guess that's a first. We didn't hear it and he comes upstairs and says didn't you hear the doorbell. We say no. I guess that was his attempt to know I am serious.

He says hello and asks what movies we have to watch. I let him know we have the Dark Knight. He says do you want to watch a movie with me. I say sure. We start the movie and h says how long are you going to be mad at me. I say h I am not mad at you. He says liar.

Now he does a little bit of butt grabbing, like that is going to make it all worth it. I did ask him again what he does early am, he wouldn't say. Said he didn't come over to get harrassed. Says he didn't ask me to empty his trash.

I mention h are you seeing someone, he says should I be. I say that's not my question. He says no, should I be. I say of course not. Then he asks do we have C on Wed? I say it's Thur are you going. He says do you want me to go? I say do you want to go? He says yes, well then we will go thur then.

By this time my back starts hurting, so I run downstairs to take some ADVIL. Ok not wise of me. I take 4 on a empty stomach. Within about an hour I am throwing up for the next 3 hours. My back is killing me, I am throwing up, and h is less than accommodating.

I say h can you fix dinner for the kids. Now I have it mostly fixed already. All he needs is to make rice, serve them and clean up. He says I am sleeping. I say I am throwing up, when you wake up can you fix dinner. Kids are all starving, asking for food.

So h gets up and fixes dinner. He also gets the kids ready for bed. He mumbles a few things to me, like I don't understand why you took 4 ADVIL on an empty stomach. Well h I was in such pain and wanted that to stop and then I just made it worse.

I try heat and ice on my back. Back rubs, stretches, lying on the floor. Nothing worked. H says what time do you want me over on Wed. I say what time do you want to come over he says around 11am. I say ok.

Before he left he says Glam maybe you are pg. I say h never thought of that. I say what if I am h? He says then we will have another baby. Now it's that time of the month, so I know that is not the case.

Peace I wonder too if major hormones had a role in how I am feeling. Now that I am older it seems like every month I am sucked deep into sadness etc. Well that started on Sunday and this is how my week has been going. Coincidence, who knows.

This is not how I wanted to spend my vacation. I hardly slept at all last night. I was up every hour with back pain. So when I get up I take d5 to daycare and go in for an adjustment to the Chiropracter. Oh that was a life saver. He snapped a few things into place.

My back feels much better, but my stomach still feels a bit queesy. I was afraid to eat anything plus not much of an appetite except for donuts. Not at all what I normally eat, but I had a Sprite and a cake donut for breakfast. The Sprite helped so much for my stomach. I never drink soda, but today I needed one.

H should be here shortly. I am not going to ask him a thing. Not sure what C will bring us, but will let h start and see what direction it goes.

[glamgirl]

Well I try to reach h around 1pm since he said he was coming at 11am. Knew that was too good to be true. I asked when he was coming and that I was about to go out and grab lunch and asked if I should wait.

He text back and says just woke up and will be over after 3pm. I just said ok. Someone from his work has been calling to pick up some boxes that are not here, I hope she doesn't just decide to show up. I just won't answer the door.

What a mess! My stomach feels a little better. My back is sore, but not in pain. I think I can sleep tonight. Yeah!

[brandnewday]

Glad you are feeling better.

I am a little confused about your situation.

Are you still standing or are you done?

[job]

Glam,
It sounds like you may have the "ugly bug" that's going around. The only thing I could eat was burned toast, ginger ale and hot tea for 4 days. How does the skin feel? Feel like it's been scorched? I know you mentioned your back hurting...try to rest as much as you can. I know you have the kids, etc. Be kind to yourself.

As for your h, don't expect anything out of him. If he says he's going to be there at 1...look for him at 4 or not. Time still doesn't mean anything to him and that sleeping pattern of his is nuts.

I'm sorry, but I had to chuckle at his conversation w/you about dating, etc. He's playing games with you and is fishing to see what you found in his car. He's testing the waters to see just what you'll say or do. Glam, I know you would dearly love to bust his chops on this right now, but sit quietly....the answers will come.

For now, go to your meeting on Thursday and take care of yourself. Turn all of this drama over to the man upstairs. He wants and needs to drive that bus for you for a while.

Please take care of yourself.

[glamgirl]

BND I confuse myself. I do believe that I am very hormonal this week. Not sure if I am done or still standing.

I am going to take Snodderly's advice and go to C tomorrow and try my best to sit quietly. I am also seriously going to try to step back from h's drama. Snodderly you are so right, that if h says 1pm expect that to be 3 or 4 hours later or not at all, then I won't be dissappointed.

His sleeping is erratic. He did say today to look up side affects of his meds to see if it includes sleeping. I said maybe it's depression in general.

H left early today. Said he will be over at 10am on Thurs. Should I expect him at 4pm?

H was rather quiet today. Said he felt like going right back to sleep once he was up. No kids in the am, so h said we should enjoy a movie together on Thurs.