AF, DrH: 18 months here, too. Of course, since we've been separated since Nov, that means just... (counts fingers and toes) ...14 months of this miserable existence to go.
AF: it does get easier as time passes. The pain never does completely go away, but it dwindles from the excruciating pain that you feel when they first walk out the door, to a dull ache.
In my case, at least, with time and separation, I was able to stop romanticizing about my M. Yeah, I would take my W back in a NY minute, but not at all costs like I would have 3 months ago! She has some changes and things to fix in her life before I will reconcile with her, and she knows it. I guess it takes two to screw up a M, so it should take 2 to fix it, also.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Ok, she just called a bit ago. I asked her what was up. She said nothing, she just felt like calling. Ok--hmmmmmmm, could be good--as I stated before, not gonna get excited either way from now on. Told me about her day and was very plesant. Made it a point to tell me that she was in for the night. Ok, now I'm can't help but anaylze the sitch--I'm a man, I anaylze everything. She's calling me everyday, she wants to share her day with me, telling me things that are really none of my concern since she doesn't live with me anymore. All these things tied together(if this was logical and it's not)indicate to me that maybe she does just need her space for a bit and that she is trying to decide based on interactions we have if she wants to come back? I mean it ties into the DBing philosophy of a PMA. Make yourself into someone who they want to be with. Matter of fact, she even told me she looked for me at the gym this morning. Hey, that's good in my book. Not only that she was looking for me but that she told me she was looking for me. I'm not overanalyzing though--remember not over excited either way bad or good. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. Patience, prayer, good DBing and hopefully it will work out.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Ok, she just called a bit ago. I asked her what was up. She said nothing, she just felt like calling. Ok--hmmmmmmm, could be good--as I stated before, not gonna get excited either way from now on. Told me about her day and was very plesant. Made it a point to tell me that she was in for the night. Ok, now I'm can't help but anaylze the sitch--I'm a man, I anaylze everything. She's calling me everyday, she wants to share her day with me, telling me things that are really none of my concern since she doesn't live with me anymore. All these things tied together(if this was logical and it's not)indicate to me that maybe she does just need her space for a bit and that she is trying to decide based on interactions we have if she wants to come back? I mean it ties into the DBing philosophy of a PMA. Make yourself into someone who they want to be with. Matter of fact, she even told me she looked for me at the gym this morning. Hey, that's good in my book. Not only that she was looking for me but that she told me she was looking for me. I'm not overanalyzing though--remember not over excited either way bad or good. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. Patience, prayer, good DBing and hopefully it will work out.
It all sounds positive to me. Sounds like you are still in her mind. She is calling you now, and therefore is doing some of the pursuing now. Keep it up.
To give you all some encouragement, I have been married for 14 years, together off and on for 20. She wanted a divorce and wanted to move out the first of January. It took a very short time for me to realize how dbing was affecting her. To take a line from this thread, I am a man, I see what works and then I repeat it over and over. I stopped all realationship talks, I acted as if I had a life on the outside, when we spoke on the phone, I usually ended it after a few minutes by telling her I had to do something.
Today, we are making love 2 or 3 times a week, hugging and laughing again, telling me that she has enjoyed the last few weeks with me, more than the last 5 years.
I tell you this not to brag, but to tell you that it can be done, too much gloom and doom on this board. My situation was easier than yours, my wife did not move out, but your wife sounds like she is generally interested in you and your life. That is something my wife did not have in the early going, she had totally quit. Like I said, wanted a divorce today!
Good luck and I hope this gives you some encouragement!
Today, we are making love 2 or 3 times a week, hugging and laughing again, telling me that she has enjoyed the last few weeks with me, more than the last 5 years.
Im so sure you don't want to brag =P
In all seriousness, though, that is awesome for you dburt. It is a breath of fresh air to see a happy outcome, and it really does give us (well, me at least) some hope.
Hope everyone is having a happy Tuesday.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
To give you all some encouragement, I have been married for 14 years, together off and on for 20. She wanted a divorce and wanted to move out the first of January. It took a very short time for me to realize how dbing was affecting her. To take a line from this thread, I am a man, I see what works and then I repeat it over and over. I stopped all realationship talks, I acted as if I had a life on the outside, when we spoke on the phone, I usually ended it after a few minutes by telling her I had to do something.
Today, we are making love 2 or 3 times a week, hugging and laughing again, telling me that she has enjoyed the last few weeks with me, more than the last 5 years.
I tell you this not to brag, but to tell you that it can be done, too much gloom and doom on this board. My situation was easier than yours, my wife did not move out, but your wife sounds like she is generally interested in you and your life. That is something my wife did not have in the early going, she had totally quit. Like I said, wanted a divorce today!
Good luck and I hope this gives you some encouragement!
Burt
Burt, Posts like this really do give encouragement, something of which I am in need of these days.
But its funny how timing goes. When I logged on the board this morning, one thing I was wondering is "How come I don't see many good/success stories? This isn't too encouraging now."
And then wham.... I find your post! Thank you for sharing.
I'm glad there is someone with a positive story as well. So, if you would offer some tips and anaylsis on our sitches so we can learn from the master. Seriously, I don't know what to think about my sitch. It appears to be headed in a positive direction but there are serious contradictions in what she's saying and what she is doing. I really wish my wife wouldn't have moved out as I feel it would be a lot easier for her to actively work on the marriage if she was at home. It is so strange not having her there. I still wake up numerous times during the night hoping that it's a bad dream and then have trouble getting back to sleep. Started reading a book last night about walk away wifes and they had a checklist in it about reasons or feelings a woman may be having with regard to her decision. I can speculate that my wife had all of them and I felt so ashamed and bad that I haven't thought of much else since then. Why is it that people don't react to things as they should until something drastic happens? For that matter, why didn't my wife say something to the effect of we need to get help or I'm leaving? The days are getting a little easier but not much. I think about her 95% of my awake time. Wish I knew what to expect.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I'm glad there is someone with a positive story as well. So, if you would offer some tips and anaylsis on our sitches so we can learn from the master. Seriously, I don't know what to think about my sitch. It appears to be headed in a positive direction but there are serious contradictions in what she's saying and what she is doing.
AWAW, if I could give you one piece of advice it would be this:
Do NOT focus on what she says; only focus on what she DOES. Because wayward spouses LIE.
When what she DOES aligns with what she SAYS -- consistently, over time -- then she will be speaking the truth.
