Hang in there glam. I too question whether or not this will ever end. We have to remember that we don't know what is going on underneath the surface. For me, it seems like my H will never come home although I know he is trying to work on it. However, my H is feeling pressure (not all from me) to figure this out, so he is having hypertension. Your H is trying to figure this out too and is feeling the pressure. There is hope...my H said at C yesterday that he can't picture his life without me and is at least 80% committed to working on the M.
I know this is hard but remember that the things you value most in life are the things you had to work the hardest for.
Glam, I might be wrong, but I don't thing your h being off the AD's for a very short period of time is creating the behavioral changes. I think he's still fighting with himself and this behavioral/personality change can and will be exhibited a little bit in the last stage. Many of them display this behavior. I call it the last rebelling prior to growing up entirely.
Glam, I could be off base about what I think is going on, but I really do think he's fighting with himself about everything right now. He's looking for you to say something so that he can say that's why I can't come back yet. Don't say anything...allow him to fight with himself. Sit quietly and observe from afar.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks all for posting and encouraging. Sometimes it is so hard to know what to do.
Here we go again!
H stops by the house late last night and brings me money for the kids. Before he leaves he says Glam I am so depressed. We hugged each other and h let me lay hands on him and I prayed over him for depression, anger, jobs, and our M.
He was over only about 5 min and then left. Soon after he leaves he calls my cell. He says Glam I can't describe it but I am so depressed and feel like I can't do anything.
He said he is so angry, but doesn't know how to shake it. He said I am so angry that I can't even talk to you Glam without getting so upset.
He said his mom awhile back told him that he wasn't a good father. He resented those comments and said he just can't get over what she said. He said it really bothers him. Now I am sure his mom said that because he wasn't home. In the beginning weeks would go by before we heard from h. I am sure as a mom she knew that she didn't raise h to be like this, so I am sure his actions hurt her and this is why she said what she did.
He also said some nice things too. He apologized a bunch for being depressed. He said thanks for being patient and supportive. He hadn't called on Mon when he changed his plans and wasn't available to meet when he said. He apologized for that and said Glam I should have called you, that wasn't right of me.
He also said Glam you have been the best w, the best mother to our kids, I couldn't ask for anything more. He then apologized more for his depression.
Then he said Glam I am going to get off this call and drive around. He said he would rather listen to the car noise vs his heart pounding sitting alone in a room. I am scared! I don't know how to help h. I don't know what to do.
I sent him a simple e-mail today about change of plans on Friday and then asked how he was doing. No response! Now I am worried.
Tears! What can we do for this depression and anger? Anybody have any ideas?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
(((glam))) Is there anyway to get your H back to the doctor to see if there are some other med that might work? Has your H had any kind of testing done to see if he has a chemical or hormonal imbalance? My H is now going to an acupucturist...he seems to be feeling a little better but we'll see how it goes...he just started last week.
Your H has such difficulty letting things go and he seems to take things so personally. If someday my S left his wife and children, I could see myself saying something similar to him that your H's mom said. She just wants the best for her family and she probably doesn't understand your H's depression. It is too bad that your H is unable to see it that way.
I hope your H is able to pull himself out of this quickly and you are able to get back on track.
Thanks Upside. H recently went back to the Dr and she upped his dose about 1 month ago. He did say he wants to see an acupuncturist for his back. What is your h being treated for?
Yeah I don't know what to think about not letting go. I don't know what the trick will be for h, but it's holding him back from moving forward. Maybe he is not ready to move forward and face his inner feelings.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
My H is going to the acupuncturist for anxiety and hypertension plus he has been having some knee pain. She put him on some herbs and my H is hoping that he will eventually be able to cut back on his blood pressure meds.
Seems that holding things in is one of the factors that put someone into crisis. You would think that your H would want to address these issues and let them go so he could start to heal...but it is hard to understand for those of us who have never been in that kind of depression.
Sorry I've been neglectful in my posting......but I have been checking in! I think Snodderly and Upside are right. I think your H is right on the cusp of a "breakthrough". You have been so very patient and unconditionally supportive of him and he has seen that and acknowledged that to you!!! [I am pea green with envy!!! ].
Just keep being the pure beautiful soul you are and you are going to look back on this time and see that, though it seemed like forever, it will just turn out to be a blip in the radar screen of your life together with your beloved H!! What, do you think he's going to find someone better?? They don't come any better than you!!!! He's got to know that! If anything, maybe he is afraid that he can never live up to you and be the man he knows you deserve! Lucky for him, you see the beauty inside him that he doesn't see himself yet!
Keep hangin' in there, babe!!!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Glam your H sounds like the stage that was wriiten on depression in the MLC maybe he is close to bottom or there I think you are doing a great job being supportive and he can see and feel all youve done for him and he can verbalizr it I sense he will get thru it re read that stage today if you have time stage 4 and 5 you can find those resourses on a post I started mlc resources hang in peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Glam, There's nothing you can do for him. He's got to work through this on his own. You cannot rescue him this time. All you can do is listen, validate and be there as a friend. He knows that you are there for him and he's looking to you to be his lighthouse in his storm. Glam....patience, compassion, friendship and validation are the keys that you can provide. Keep your expectations at zero...he is fragile.
Take care. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
