Continuing from last post. It's our one year anniversary of second bomb, which is when I found out about OW.
Am doing quite well considering, my B'day and Valentine's Day was much worse.
Still curious as to what happened to H. The more I think about it, the more I think it was a fight in the morning cause his eyes were still swollen. I feel mean but I am glad they are fighting and not happy. Secretly, this is what I have been hoping for. They may still make up after their fight but I hope the cracks are showing and for my H, who is passive-agressive who avoids confrontations, it must be very difficult for him. He might have thought that I had a bad temper and I cried and he didn't like it. Well, we will see how OW show her true colors. I am small potatoes compared to other women out there. Especially ones who go after married men. They are not sweet gals.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
I feel mean but I am glad they are fighting and not happy. Secretly, this is what I have been hoping for. They may still make up after their fight but I hope the cracks are showing and for my H, who is passive-agressive who avoids confrontations, it must be very difficult for him.
I feel the same way too. My H was really happy when he moved out and that hurt, but he hasn't seemed happy since then really. He sends me cranky emails all the time!!! I mean like dozens every week. How happy could he be with OW if he's doing that?
I think just like us they do have to go through depression and pain about this, but maybe they've already gone through some before the bomb, and OWs in my opinion are bandaids; a distraction for the person's real problems. I don't think these women are women that tend to have lasting Rs; the ow in my case is D her 3rd husband. I think it's an addiction also, and those wear off. But then the thing is will you want him back afterwards???? Honestly, sometimes I'm amazed at how much we do cartwheels and handstands and the like for these WAS that are at the very least troubled people. Karen
sometimes I'm amazed at how much we do cartwheels and handstands and the like for these WAS that are at the very least troubled people. Karen
I know and that bothers me. Right now if H rang and said 'lets try again ' - I would.
What is with that. Crazy. My H is angry at me on and off, he blows hot and cold. I am not certain it is OW and himself with problems as much as what it is she is saying about me. You know the old 'poor you, watch that wife she will be turning kids off you etc etc '
I cant fight that but I can di nothing that inflames the situation. eventually he will see i am not like that .... maybe .....
I do enjoy OW and H fighting myself. I just know they must be b/c OW in my case comes off as very argumentative and ghetto to me and has no control of her emotions. H sure doesn't seem that happy now. One day he called her "that one" and I loved it secretly. Funny thing is that my H never really speaks so well of OW. He knows that she is not the most polished person but he goes along and makes excuses for her behavior and says "she's a nice person though." I guess I'll have to see how long that "nice person" belief last before the fog wears off.
I look forward to the day pollyanna. I can't wait in fact, just hope that it's not too long. I do try not to say much at all when H makes his little comments about OW because in the back of my mind I question what were you saying about me to OW, you know what I mean. But nonetheless, I clearly see OW for what she is, and not b/c she's with my H, but sb/c he's very manipulative and liar and I have caught her in so many. H knows it too but he makes excuses for her. Good luck to them with their little R that is based on nothing of integrity or substance. I know it sounds bad but I can't wait for it all to blow up in their faces.
Well ladies, if I may interrupt for but a moment. PM, it sounds as though you're doing really great. If I were you I'd feel no shame at all in the fact that your H and his trout are arguing. The guilty pleasures are those that feel the most sweet. I have no idea if my W has moved on to another R yet although I hope not. I do want her to struggle just a bit though to see that life isn't all fluffy bunnies and rainbows. I don't think that makes me a malicious person at all. I just want her to regret her decision to leave. She needs to do that before she even gets close to the idea of moving home. Just as your H has to realise that the OW isn't perfect. That's why the fighting is a good thing and you should feel no shame at all in enjoying it.
It sounded as though you were doing a great job of blanking him out when he came past yesterday. I smile at the thought of you speeding around on your D's scooter! It'll be good for your H to keep seeing that side of you too. I think something we're all guilty of from time to time is acting awkward around our spouses in the fear of doing something wrong. For them to see us as attractive people we have to show them our fun sides. Kids are a great way to show that without having to directly interact with our wayward spouses. I know for my part I struggle to think of fun things to say when I'm talking with my W. When I'm talking to anyone else it comes easily and I can normally get someone laughing but not her. It's easy to run around and play with Wee Man in front of her though. That's the fun image I want her to see.
So, keep it up PM. Balnk your H but keep it free of rudeness and project the fun side of yourself at every opportunity. Keep smiling!! Now more than ever.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Hi Karen, Pollyanna, Vicky, Kev. Thanks for responding. Girls, I can't believe that your H's mention OW in front of you. I guess I have been lucky. My H pretends that she doesn't exist and is respectful enough not to say anything about her in my presence. Small mercies, I guess. Kev, yes, I have been feeling better the last couple of weeks, my career is going well and my mood is improved greatly so I have been doing light-hearted things even when my H is around.
My H did something very different the last time I saw him. A couple of weeks ago, I had called him up after a visit and told him that if he wanted to change schedule, he must do it face to face with the kids and that this home is not his hotel. Well, two days ago, he took out the calendar and very gently told the kids that he won't be around for the next two weekends. I almost fell off my chair. 1) that he is going away on business (which I think is only half true - I think he is going away on pleasure with OW as well) 2) that he actually listened to what I had to say about needing to tell the kids himself and I am not his messenger.
Maybe he is finally being a little less selfish and thinking about what other people are saying to him and considering other people's feelings. Which is a GREAT sign.
I am still feeling good about the H swollen eyes over the weekend. I hope their spat is ongoing. He says he is going to come and see the kids once during this week, which he never does because he is going to be away. OK, I said.
I sense a change in H. A sense that things are starting to shift. I can't put my finger on it but I feel it, call it a woman's intuition. I don't know what it means right now but I feel like it's a positive shift in terms of my goals. I am trying not to get my hopes up but my radar is up.
I feel that he is paying attention to what I am doing eventhough he never asks about me or my life. I feel that he is just a little bit more respectful. I feel that maybe he is experiencing trouble in paradise and may almost be ready to look up and around to see what he has missed out on in the last year.
Will keep you all posted. This may all be in my head and have no basis, we will just have to see...
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Hi - i also feel a shift in H. Funny you should say it, but it isn't anything i can put my finger on either.
I saw H in weekend and he was seeking validation for a decision he made. He wanted my opinion or approval. I dont know about OW being in picture as H has gone quiet recently on that as well. So either it has gone under ground as kids were not happy or H is seeing the light.
Either way I am not over thinking it as that makes me more tangled up in his life.
Try not to read anything ibto what they are doing. It is easier on you and nothing you can do to change a single thing anyways.
