It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

Thanks Snodderly for stopping by, you have such great words of wisdom. I am doing fine. Just spent the weekend with the kids watching movies.

H has been a bit mad, spewing as usual. I did something that my h didn't like, so instead of kindly discussing it with me, h has gotten nasty and disrespectful. Each time though I have immediately gotten off the phone. That would be a 180 for me. I just very politely say h I need to go, have a good evening, see you tomorrow.

Trying to keep a PMA about my life and where it's headed. It looks like another family has moved in across the street from us. I can't help but get down when I see all these families sticking it out. It just makes me sad for my own situation and my children. Our kids are old enough to realize their dad doesn't live with us and want to know why.

Things are going to get tougher when h and I are both out of work, but trying not to focus on that at the moment. Our mortgage is paid for today and we have food and for the most part we are healthy and happy.

I didn't exercise all week last week. I am still getting used to the time change, but hopefully I can do better this week.

H will be here today, but I have no idea when. I just pray that he doesn't start his spewing with me again. I don't know how much more of that I can take. I am going to start taking St Johns Wart and 5 htp for my mild depression again, I do find it helps. I didn't take it all week this week and think that is why I am slightly off and can't get focused.

We will see what the day brings.

[job]

Glam,
Your h still has a bit of anxiety and stress going on in his life. He's still not "matured" enough to handle it yet. You did the right thing getting off the phone when he was spewing.

I'm sorry to hear about the job situation. Hopefully something will come along very soon. Glam, you are a very resourceful woman and will think of something to do for income. Sit quietly and the answers will come.

Please be careful w/St. John's Wort. I had read some negative things about it a while back. You may want to do a search on it.

I hope everything goes well today.

[glamgirl]

Thanks Snodderly on that advice. I will research some more, but have been taking it for aobut a year now and it is actually working very well for me. I only take one capsule a day, but have noticable differences when I don't take it. More irritability and negativity when I don't.

If you have more severe depression, AD's are best.

[peacetoday]

GG
Thanks for answering my questions
Its hard to know if going dark is right
my H also ditances more when I go dark
but since he is living with OW, our D is almost final, I see no other choice..
sure h would like to be friends and maybe one day that is possible
not now and I only see our connection as weve had it these 2 years as a friendship and Its not good enough
peace

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thinking of you. - Have a good week. (((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks TL and Peace for stopping by.

H came over on Sunday to help with the kids. I fixed him some breakfast. We had sex and a steamy shower before I went to work. It was nice.

H said that he missed some doses of his AD's. You think, that is why he was so nasty. Next time I will just say h have you taken your meds. I can't remind him to take his meds daily, but it does throw him off emotionally when he skips a dose.

He did say something about me enjoying my time away from him and that would be missed if he moved back. I said h that is not true. I said maybe it's you that is enjoying your freedom. He says is this what you call freedom?

Then he made some mention about Glam it's too bad that you are a morning person and I am a night person. That has always been an issue for us. I just said something about it's hard to be a night person when you work 8-5 and the kids need to go to school.

He fails to recognize that when he had a normal 9-5 job that we did do nicely. We even carpooled to work. When he had his own business of course he could work the hours he wanted and now he has a job working from home with some travel, so he can work the hours he likes.

It feels like he is putting up roadblocks to our M and him moving home. It's almost like he has to justify staying away. This is the part that makes it so discouraging. What is reality here? Does he really not see himself ever coming home?

[job]

Glam,
He's still in the last stage of his crisis and he's still trying to convince himself that the two of you have differences. Pay his comments no mind. He's testing you to see how you will respond. They tend to do that more frequently towards the end.

Also, do not ask him about his meds. You are putting yourself in the mother mode to his child mode. He's an adult and should know that taking them keeps him on a smoother path. He'll figure this out on his own.

His comment about you enjoying your time when he's not around...again another test to see how you feel about him being around and on a permanent basis.

Glam, he's right where he should be. He's doing all of the things that I would expect for someone in the final stage. YR's, BND's and DebM's hs did the same thing. They want to make sure that the changes you've made are permanent and that home is really a safe place to return.

Please do not lose your patience now. It's very important to dig deeper for more patience. It's going to be worth it once he's home and then the real work will begin for sure.

[dl443322]

Hey G, you are doing great! He's on the last leg and he's rounding the finish line. You can do this.

Remember now more than ever - no pressure, no expectations, validate when you can, live your life. He is testing you.

[naej]

Hi Glam as ever good advice from Snod.
Just had a question tho re AD's I thought that you would need to be off them for quite a while before you had noticeble mood and personality chances?
Does it depend on the strength or type of AD's. I don't know too much about them but assumed they stayed in your system for quite long periods of time.

I guess the last leg is the hardest,take care.

[2gthrButApart]

Hi Glam,

I don't have any words of advice to offer. Just wanted to say I hope you're feeling better today, you're doing a great job DBing. Thanks for the advice you have offered me.