It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

Ok h had an interview that went really well. The company will be making a decision next week.

I have been talking with h daily. He even asked one day if I was mad at him. I laughed and said NO h. Not sure where he got that at. I don't think in years that he has been concerned if I was mad.

He has been really busy with his job and last night we were talking and he said he was going to be busy all weekend. It's hard since that means we won't see h again for another weekend. His job is ending, but he still puts 150% into it, which is hard for me to understand. He started to get nasty on the phone. I am so proud of myself, instead of taking it or addressing I just said h I have to go, have a nice evening. He hung up. I need to address his disrespect in C.

That is the part that is difficult for me. He wants all this respect, but does he think I don't deserve the same? Oh well todays a new day and I am meeting a friend for lunch. It will be nice to have some adult convo and forget about all that is on my plate right now.

That's it nothing much to report. I wish I could say my h is closer to moving home, but that is not the case.

[Upside]

Hi glam-
This is so frustrating when things seem to be at a stand still. You seem to be taking so much of this in stride. Hopefully when your H's job situation improves, your H will start progressing toward home again.

(((HUGS)))

[2gthrButApart]

but since he was gone on his business trip he must of really been missing me and the kids.

My H is leaving for 9 days, in 2 wks and I'm hoping this happens for us. Were you dark when he left? Were you distant? I usually call him about 2-3x a day when he's gone on trips, but this time I'm planning on not calling him. If he wants to speak to me he can call. Is this an ok approach?

I apologize if you've mentioned this in a previous post, I'm new to the MLC board.

(My H still lives home, but we are "seperated" I posted my current sitch on this board)

[glamgirl]

2g I try not to call my h unless I have to, but on occasion I will call or text and give him encouragment on the job or thank him for things he has done or to give an update on the kids.

When they are distant and in la la land, I do think it's best to let them do the contacting. I am not sure how that works, that you are living together but separated. Then to me, you are not separated.

I do believe we have to be the ones to stand and love unconditionally regardless of how they come across. I have been at this for a few years now and have found that kindness and love has gotten me much further along on this journey.

I will look for your thread.

Thanks Upside for posting. I will check on your thread and see if anything is new with you.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thanks for posting on my thread.

I hope your H will get the job. It will release the stress he is under.

Take care and have a nice week-end despite your H not coming by.

[peacetoday]

GG
Was there a time you were dark
peace

[peacetoday]

also
thanks for your comments on my thread

did your H ever have OW
was it serious and for how long
when did you see a shift toward you
thanks

[glamgirl]

Thanks TL and Peace for stopping by.

Peace there was a questionable ow. H denies anything, but don't they all. Regardless he was spending time with her and money in ways he should't have considering he was a m man. She was in my h's life for around 2 years that I know of.

I really don't know for sure that she is out of my h's life now. I can only hope and pray that my h realizes she is not someone he would want to continue to have in his life. I am sure she meant nothing to my h over the long haul. I really cound't see that happening long term, since she really did not have much to offer in attraction or qualities.

What I did Peace is just stopped dwelling on h and her. I stopped bringing her up with h and stopped allowing anger and resentment towards my h to hold me back.

What I did start doing was thanking h, showing respect and admiration towards him. I brought out the love and kindness. For example, making his favorite meal when he would come over, calling and asking if I could pick him up something at the store. Showing my love regardless of how he treated me. Now Peace this went on for many months without hardly a thank you or acknowledgement.

I was about to give up, then one night about a year ago h asked to meet me for dinner. We had a nice convo and from there h started having different feelings towards me or acting differntly towards me. He wasn't so distant and cold. We started to spend more time together, date nights, no R talks. It wasn't great, but it was a start.

I also prayed daily the hedge of thorns prayer and eventually h moved closer to home. My prayer was to have him move from where he was and I was thinking of home, but God had another plan. He moved him closer.

Peace it has been baby steps. It has been rough. I have felt like giving up, but I know how much I do love my h and know that the old h is buried deep inside, but is starting to resurface a little at a time.

I do believe this battle can be won, one day at a time, one kind word at a time, and one prayer at a time. Praise God that he is standing by my side and comforting me every step of the way.

[glamgirl]

Peace I was dark at times with my h, but that didn't seem to go well for me. It really created more distance between us and in didn't feel good in my heart.

I do realize that some need to go dark to heal. What I did do though Peace is I really only called my h when I really needed to. Mostly because he rarely answered or called back. That hurt me more than anyone could imagine. It just made it feel like my h just didn't care at all, so for me just answered when he called and called only if I needed to.

As we have grown today, he answers mostly or at least returns my call unless he is in a deep depression, so we really have made some good progress this past year.

Now the million Dollar question is when is my h going to move home? Not really sure what keeps him so stuck. He acts like he loves me and kids, but not enough to spend every day and night with us.

[job]

Glam,
When you least expect it, that's when he'll return home. Right, now, he's still got a couple of issues to resolve. They all get right up to the finish line and hesitate before stepping over it.

Dig deeper for more patience. He will step over the finish line when he's good and ready. You can't force this stage or he'll scurry back up into the crisis and will take longer to come back out to even tough the finish line.

How are things going w/you?