I've Come Full Circle 25: All grown up

[kat727]

I think puppy is just x-rated everywhere today!!

I will celebrate once the B is filed. Right now I have some more things around the house to fix. Plumber is coming to fix some stuff on Saturday and no it is not an overtime call. Thank goodness.

Then I need to get some stuff done with my car. I would love to do more with the cabinets in the kitchen. Maybe I can do it in sections? Don't quite know how that would work but maybe worth checking into. I have always hated my kitchen. The cabinets look like thrown together plywood. The house is about 70 years old at least and could use some cheering up.

kat

[Puppy Dog Tails]

(insert lube job joke HERE)

[kat727]

Just got home to an e-mail from ex asking for more time with the kids. He doesn't like what he did in the divorce decree, imagine that!! I have some anger towards his request because as of late he has insisted OW be with them almost on every occasion. The kids are upset and angry about it.

Stupid me tried to convey their feelings to him about it but I am sure he wrote that off as bitter ex wife. He doesn't believe that these feelings are their own.

I also am not happy about the request because he didn't uphold his part of the divorce decree by paying the bills he was supposed to. You may say well he filed B and because of that you have to file B so really it is all a wash isn't it? Well to me no.

I replied back to him saying that right now I don't like that the kids feel forced to go with him, they should want to go. But also that he won't listen to his own kids. He wants to build their relationships again but insists that she be there. He tells them to get over it, it is the past. I have tried to explain that everyone has different healing times and you can't make them heal any faster than they are.

I am angry right now and believe me with the stress of the B, I would probably yell at him if he were here. I really hope I can get that out of the way soon. UUUGGGHHHHHH

kat

I am going to a movie to try to decompress from this.

[karen43]

I have tried to explain that everyone has different healing times and you can't make them heal any faster than they are.

kat

Glad you're going to a movie. Which one? Yeah, cheeseless tunnel to try to talk to your H about the kids and OW. I know you've tried several times and you have to think they just don't want to get it. They don't like to face or hear reality.

I think you should try to just leave it all up to your kids and X to work it out. I mean, your kids are old enough to let him know how they feel. I would encourage them to be honest with you (which I know they already are) and H about their feelings so you don't feel like you have to. This could be a good thing for them in that way. Karen

[kat727]

I am going to see Taken. Here is what I said to his request:

am sorry that you are using an e-mail too rather than trying to actually talk to me. Believe me when I say that I have my kids best interests and happiness at heart. Sadly, I see the anger and pain they have after almost every visit with you.

You don't seem to care that you spend your time with them with someone else around that they are not comfortable with. You want to rebuild those relationships but constantly insist that this other person be there. My own thoughts here are that this isn't helping them want to be with you because even when they are with you, you aren't with them.

I am glad that you have feelings about the kids but right now I do not think that I can extend more time when they feel that they aren't spending time with just you. I know they don't like being forced to go and that makes me terribly sad that they don't want to go. Divorce is ugly all the way around. I think right now it would be better if you made the time you had with them quality time with just them rebuilding those relationships.

I don't expect you to understand anything that I have said, but I hope that you will try and take it to heart.

There are a lot more issues that probably will need to be discussed but I think this issue needs to be addressed first.


Okay, what now?

kat

[whatdidido]

That was perfect, Kat. See what he says.

[kat727]

The movie was good and intense. Not really sure that is what I needed right now. No word from ex.

I don't expect a miracle to hit here and have him finally understand that his choices have repercussions. I am not trying to be cruel. I am the lioness and these are my cubs and you don't screw around with them and not expect a smack of reality from the mamma.

I know he is planning on living with OW in the next 9 months or so. But he isn't seeing how that plays out with the kids. He just sees his life then being perfect. I know the kids would really "love" the idea of having to get up even earlier to get ready with 3 more people in the way, drive the 40 minutes or so just to get back here and go to school. I can "see" how much thought about the kids has gone on in his thought process. Sorry, this still hurts that he won't put them first.

kat

[Hope4us]

((((Kat))))

To me, this is an example of the biggest tragedy in these sitch's. WAS' just don't see how their actions affect all involved and expect you and the kids to be "ok" with them ripping the family apart.

Makes my blood boil.

Thinkin about ya Kat. You know you're right by your kids. Keep it up Nala.

[NoCodeBlues]

((((Kat)))}

The selfishness of the WAS never ceases to boggle the mind.

And this forcing the children to accept another person(s) into their familial lives, especially when there is no M to tie it together, is one of the most heartless and insensitive things any parent can do.

[kat727]

I guess if nothing else this just shows that you are never truly done with the ex when kids are involved. Our lives will be intertwined until we pass. It would have been easier if I had left him after the first affair when there weren't kids involved. Hindsight what a torturous gift.

I am sure it is funny for him that he can't change the "game" when he feels like it. If he had really ever thought before he acted maybe none of this would have come to pass. Can't change that, just have to move forward from here.

It does feel good that I do at least have a say in protecting my kids from thoughtless people. After feeling like I had no say in the last two years of my life, finally, I do.

kat