Well, never thought I would get here..... Feeling detached. She does not talk to me any more. That makes it easier to not care what she is doing. Have not said more than 2 words to each other since my last post.
Feeling good which is showing at work. It is really starting to show with my interactions with my customers. Starting to change a lot about me.
She text me today, twice. I answered her the first time and the second just ignored her. For now on if she needs to ask me anything she will have to do it in person.
Yesterday I made some personal purchases. New kind of deodorant, body wash, cologne and aftershave. The stuff I always wanted to use. Not what she would buy. Small stuff but it feels good. Today I bought a couple of new shirts, jackets, underwear and socks. Starting to look and smell better than ever. Which makes me feel better. I am actually smiling thinking of MY future. Cause I know I can do it with out her which is looking like it bugs her. HA HA
I honestly do not think it will ever happen. (getting back together) Funny if she asked right now I would definitely say NO. After what she has put me through she will have to jump through hoops to have a micro chance. She is acting like I have never seen before. My opinion is MLC. But who knows. If you sit back and actually look at all this from a 3rd point of view it kind of funny. She is always mad, stressed, tired etc... and I am not any of those right now. I have not completely GAL. But I am working on it. I am doing WAY better.
I will always love her. But I am not sure if I can be IN LOVE WITH HER again.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
Well, never thought I would get here..... Feeling detached. She does not talk to me any more. That makes it easier to not care what she is doing. Have not said more than 2 words to each other since my last post.
Feeling good which is showing at work. It is really starting to show with my interactions with my customers. Starting to change a lot about me.
She text me today, twice. I answered her the first time and the second just ignored her. For now on if she needs to ask me anything she will have to do it in person.
Yesterday I made some personal purchases. New kind of deodorant, body wash, cologne and aftershave. The stuff I always wanted to use. Not what she would buy. Small stuff but it feels good. Today I bought a couple of new shirts, jackets, underwear and socks. Starting to look and smell better than ever. Which makes me feel better. I am actually smiling thinking of MY future. Cause I know I can do it with out her which is looking like it bugs her. HA HA
Noedphi, I just read through your entire sitch. You have come a long way in a relatively short amount of time! The confidence and personal improvements that you've made are a far cry from the clingy, panic'ed person that you seemed to be back in your earlier postings.
You are doing the right things, and you are growing and evolving into a better person.
I have only just recently had a similar revelation is my R with my WAW, too. I started out much like you did; made lots of mistakes and lost lots of points with my W. We have been separated since 11/08 and she only recently flew into town to see the kids for a week before leaving again (she lives in Germany now with OM). On my way to the airport to pick her up, I got the strangest sense of calm come over me. I didn't know it at the time, but my family had been praying for me to be enlightened. I don't really understand it, but it felt to me that someone was telling me that there was something better in store for me. It was profound and inexplicable.
I think there is something better in store for you, too. It could be a reconciliation with your W when she finds her way back to you, or it could be something else. Be strong and keep up the good work.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I guess you might think it would bother me if I am writing about it. Maybe it does a little but I am smiling while writing this. It goes to show you how well god works. Oh ya what am I writing about?? W has not been home since friday. Hope she is having a good time.
Me I am getting caught up on my life. Paid some bills and I am about to go buy a new hat. Was supposed to go out yesterday but plans fell through. But next week is a new week. Had a great week at work.
Have to talk to the W soon. Need to find out if she filed the D yet. And what we are doing with the house. I want all this behind me so I can move on.
For everybody that asks if there is a chance for their sitch. Yes there is. You have to work on it. For me personally I dont think there is a chance and now I dont want it. I know for a fact I could never let go what she has done to me. Its a moral thing with me. No matter how much I have grown as a person. I could not ever forget. She is completely forgiven and still very much loved from me and I pray for her soul. But for me to let myself be treated like this and take her back, what kind of man would I be??
She told me it has been bad for a year and a half. All she had to do is sit me down and tell me. And tell me "things are bad" until I understood. The M obviously was not that important to her. Many times During the last year and a half I asked her during our fights if she thought we should get a D. All she had to do is tell me "if things dont change then YES" Sounds like I am blaming her. But you know It was me too I did not pick up on the signs. BUT if I thought I wanted out and I wanted a divorce I would have let her know.
So now I continue to better myself. So everybody around me will be better for knowing me. I will be hanging around here cause I want to keep everybody up dated. And maybe give some insight to anyone who might need it.
It is kind of crazy how I have gotten where I am so quickly. For some of you, you will not get here for a while. Some of you might get here quicker than I have. But we all will get to this point. Where is this you might ask??? It is a place where you actually KNOW. You know it is going to be ok.
Either you know there is no chance and have accepted you have done all you can do and it is time to move on. Or you know things are working and you have to just keep up everything you have learned here to save your M.
So I am starting to repeat myself. But I want to tell all the newbies here. ONE WAY OR ANOTHER IT GETS BETTER. Just hang in there and lean on us we are there for you.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
I knew it was coming. We are not moving in together. And she is trying to get stuff I feel she is not intitled to. I got news for her. She gets nothing. I want everything sold and split. To bad for her. Her decision to end this and my decision not to get screwed. This is nothing more than a MLC. In the end she will see what she did was wrong and will never admit it. To bad for her.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
It's good to see you arrive at this point. You never know what will happen in the future, but the feeling of knowing it will be OK no matter what is very liberating. I myself have reached this point. I haven't given up hope, but I have let go of the rope. My W is going to get the D since it is what she wants, but I am not opposed to reconciliation. Yeah, it's gonna be a long road, but it is what it is.
Keep up the good work bud! I wish you the best and will be praying for the both of ya.
