It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

I am sorry everyone I am so sad today. I want my life back, the wonderful life I had with my h before all of this happened. I want my h to open up to me and talk about what we need to move our lives forward. I want the past to be in the past. I want my h to stop blaming me. I want to be happily m.

Nothing has really happened to provoke these thoughts, I just feel down. My h actually called yesterday a few times and we talked about his work for a few hours. He said he would be over today for breakfast.

Off to shower and de-stress!

[job]

Glam,
Your h is trying to be a friend right now....it's all he has in him emotionally. Just as he inched his way away from you and your family, he is now trying to inch his way back. Everything they did in the beginning will be in the reverse coming home. It takes a long time for them to start thawing out. It's not on your time clock, but on his. This is the hardest part of the journey for you. It's called patience and being there as a friend. YR, BND and others will tell you that I have told them the same thing in the past. Accept him for who he is right now, accept that he's trying to find his way back to you and take it hour by hour. Your expectations of what and where he should be right now should remain at zero.

He's got to be the one to come home....the only thing you can do is provide a safe place for him to land. It all takes time.

[Silent Chrleader]

I hear ya', friend, and can't offer any advice really, because I know that I don't even have the patience to ever even make it to the point you are now at!

What Snodderly says makes sense. The process they went through to leave, now will work in reverse. But we didn't really see the process then (at least not consciously) thus we were shocked by the bomb! Doesn't it seem funny to actually miss the denial we were in back then...???? What a strange journey life is........

And I don't know if I will get down your way.......I was going to be going through there the end of the month on my way to CA, but that seems impossible for me financially now. Maybe sandycay and I can work out a good time to take a day trip down there, and we can do lunch.....??

Hang in there, sweetie!!

[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]

[glamgirl]

Thanks so much Snodderly and SC. Just having someone to share my inner thoughts makes a world of difference.

You are right Snodderly, it's just so hard. Pain and life's sufferings are so hard. Now I need to wipe these crocodile tears away before h arrives.

He said he was going to be here at 10am, well I guess that means between 10 and 11.

Thank you!

[job]

Glam,
I wrote a thread a few years ago to TMAK that explain reconnection. If you can locate it, it may help you better understand what is happening to your husband.

Good luck today.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

I am sorry you are so sad and I know exactly how you feel. Just think that you do have some nice conversations with your H and that he comes by often.

I hope you will feel happier soon and that your H will do something that will cheer you up.

Have a good week. (((HUGS)))

[job]

Glam,
The explanation about reconnection is on peacetoday's mlc resources thread. I believe it will help you better understand what your h is doing right now. I hope that it will keep you a little more peace and build up your patience level.

[dl443322]

Hey G, this stuff takes a loonnnnnnnnnnggggggg time. Of course you are going to have sad days and days with less patience, you are only human after all!

Take the focus off of h for awhile. Get back to basics, do something fun for yourself.

Then get back on the horse and let him continue on his journey. You could do this, look how far you've come.

[glamgirl]

Thanks TL for the encouragement. Snodderly I will take a look at that thread. Thanks. BM thanks for stopping by.

The last few days have been good interactions with h. Yesterday I brought him dinner and his meds that he left at our home. He was grateful. He even called a few times yesterday and called to say goodnight.

Today I picked him up a nice red power tie. He has an interview tomorrow. Yeah! He should do very well. He was very appreciative. I called while he was car pooling with a co-worker. H put me on speaker and says Glam you can't talk dirty to me so and so will hear. It's as if we have some fantasy sex life.

It used to be grand, but now with h on AD's it's once and awhile. I will be patient since I know that h just doesn't have the desire. Oh well, one step at a time.

Please pray that my h does well on the interview. A new job would certainly take the stress and anxiety off of h's plate.

Thanks all for listening and encouraging me. Yes BM I have come a long way. A mere year ago, h was saying he couldn't see himself ever coming back to the m. We had just started mc and at that time h was saying I am only attending to be able to communicate with Glam about the kids. We weren't going on dates. H was only coming over 1-2 times per week. Never calling me.

So you are right BM, we have come a long way.

[job]

Glam,
How did h's interview go? I hope it went well for him.

You really have come a long way. It will take some time, but your h will figure things out.

The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself.