It's Complicated! Part 4

[dl443322]

G, I am sorry you are struggling. I think you need to go back to basic dbing. Put the focus back on you and your kids, let what he says roll off your back, no expectations, pull back a little, ya know?

[glamgirl]

Thanks PH and BM.

I am definitely going to try to focus on me. I just had a delicious lunch. Aspargus, left over salmon, and I made a spinach salad with almond slivers, dried cran-strawberries, red grapefruit slices and ginder dressing. The whole meal was so yummy.

Just trying to eat so healthy and keep working out. I bought some jeans today size 6, so I have dropped 2 sizes now. One of my co-workers said Glam you need to pick yourself up some new jeans the ones you are wearing are too baggy on you. She is right. At least that was a nice compliment.

H called today. He was in a good mood. I just listened. He let me know what he had to do on saturday and said he might not be over. He is applying for jobs and finishing some work projects. This would be a first to let me know in advance. I do appreciate that.

It's ok since after all I am focused on me. Plan to watch some movies tonight and just chill.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thanks for your advice on my thread.

Your food does sound good. - You sound better today. Have some YOU time and a lovely week-end.

[glamgirl]

Thanks TL. I lost 1.5 lbs this past week. Yeah just changing my diet up a bit and increasing my fitness routine. I did a bit of cheating with chocolate too and still lost some.

I am a bit disillusional though. Contemplating where my life is going and what I should really be doing. I should be enjoying my life with my h, but that is not happening anytime soon. I am not so sure reconciliation is in our future. Not to be pessimistic, but h will need to face me before we can heal. He will need to stop blaming me before we can heal, he will need to stop hanging onto the past for us to heal and he will need to have the desire to be my h before we can heal.

Here it is Sunday. He did not make it over on Saturday and now I am sure he will be here about 15 min before I need to leave for work. What message is he sending me?

[brandnewday]

What message is he sending me?

GG,
I am glad you vent here, because your Husband could not handle some of this stuff.

I am not sure if you have truly read anything about MLC or not, but I will give you a couple of reminders.

Right now your Husband is trying to be friends with you and that means doing things at is pace, NOT yours.
Patience, patience, patience!!!!

When my Husband finally decided to come home again, it still took him 6 long months to actually do it, and it seemed like the longest 6 months ever!

The hardest part of MLC, I think anyways, is that they are the ones who betrayed our trust, had the affair, left our home turned our lives upside down....BUT we, the LBS are the ones who have to help them to rebuild trust with us again.

There is no rushing these things and there is nothing you can do to push him along. You just have to keep on living your life, focusing on yourself and your kids, and give your Husband all the space he needs to figure out exactly what it is that he wants to do.

[Jeff3]

Hey GG

Just catching up, looks like you have made progress, but patience is the key. Hang in there. and thanks for your posts.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Just wanted to say hi. Have a good rest of the week.

[glamgirl]

Thanks BND, Jeff, and TL. BND those were great reminders. 3 years just seems like such a long time for anything to happen. I can't imagine continuing to do this. Yes my h seems to have made progress, but when is the move home going to happen? How can it be taking this long?

I really don't have much to report, it's really dull and boring. The same old thing each day. H did mention something about sitting in silence when he is in these moods or whatever is racing through his mind. He said he didn't want the kids to see him like that.

The kids love their daddy and wouldn't mind him being in silence, they just want him here. I have to constantly try to answer why dad isn't here. They just want the comfort of their father at home.

Not much going on with me. I am working on my own website, which I am enjoying putting together.

So sorry I haven't posted much, my life just feels so boring and empty. I wanted so much to post that my h was packing for home, but think that is far off. I wish it were sooner, but I can't imagine we are coming to the end.

BND, I was unclear. Did your h say he was coming home and then took 6 months to do it. Could you elaborate more? Thanks.

Thanks for listening.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Glam!

OK, this may sound wierd but I have to say that seeing that people like you (who I know without doubt to be an amazingly strong, exceptionally patient woman) struggle with the same doubts and frustration I do, is a heartening thing for me, and gives me hope that I too will eventually grow to be as strong as the men and women, such as you, that I have admired (and marveled at) for the past year on these boards!!

I know that doesn't exactly help you with the crappy feelings you have been dealing with lately (it sucks I know!) but it is the truth. And I thank you for being willing to share your journey with us!

Keep truckin', my dear friend!!!!

And let me know on the alt when you are going to be up in my neck of the woods!!!!!

[glamgirl]

Thanks SC. I am not so sure I would call myself strong, but thanks for that compliment.

My h really doesn't see how deeply I am hurt. He doesn't see me cry. He doesn't feel my emptiness when I sleep alone. He doesn't feel my pain when I see families spending time together wishing that was my life. He doesn't see me struggling to make sure all of our bills are paid, even when I don't have the money. He doesn't feel my desire to run away when the task of life seems so overwhelming. He doesn't see me worrying about my future and where my life is headed.

So you see SC. I don't feel strong. In fact I feel so all alone. My h who was my rock is gone for now. He was the one who paid all the bills and provided for us. Now all of that is gone. I am not sure if he lost the desire to be a provider and to be a protector over his family. I am just not sure about anything in life anymore.

All I really have in this life is myself and my kids. H is there physically, but really so far away emotionally. I really thought he was different when I m him. He was such a wonderful person, friend and h. Where did he go? Why did he change?

I am hoping to get up your way in April. Any chance of coming my way before then?