YAYYYY!!!! I sold my flat !!! (fingers crossed it passes the survey, eek).. I just accepted an offer today.. on the DAY that Venus (planet of money) went backwards in my 2nd house of money.. the estate agent told them they must exchange contracts by mid April else the deal is off... Venus turns direct and goes forwards on 17th April! So thats pretty wierd timing.. not convinced the sale will go through.. we'll see!
So I can pay my parents back all the money I owe them and most of the credit card in my ex's name.
All the paperwork will come here, he will have to sign and the solicitor has to deal with him.. so I AM going to have to see him now, or get his address to forward stuff too. I hope thats ok with him.
Great news on the flat! Congratulations! I'm also glad to hear that BF has been emailing you.
Again--you don't have to get caught up in the drama of whether or not to call him. focus on what is working!! email is working!! that is wonderful!!
Also, I used to each ESL, and I never got a TEFL certificate. From what I've heard, the TEFL certificate can be something of a scam, so, you really might not need one at all. Once the students get to a certain level, your instructional ability is just a function of your fluency, which is CLEARLY THERE.
Thanks girls... its got to get through the survey yet though (debatable!)
Thanks T... it IS nice he continues to email me.. but its so bittersweet. And now, they are always jokey, but not in a naturally funny way he would write to his mates, more like he is trying, desperately to be finny, upbeat, match my wit, make an effort, an impression. We both do it, have done for weeks. Its so odd!?
I found this old email, forwarded from my work May 2005 and it was this huge thread between us over days, where he said so many amazing things.. it was after the fallout from my EA and he was saying how much he loved me, didnt want anyone else, wanted us to build a future, loved our house and homelife, our cats, how I was an amazing catch, he'd never wanted anyone else.. its so sad. Where did all that go?
I feel stressed now... I just got put on the spot by Cher and agreed to go to a wine and DVD night in a while, but I should be writing my disseration !!! I couldnt say no.
I am going to have to speak to him though I think, over this flat offer. Its still upsetting me that he wont speak to me, seeing as I said in my email Friday "I was going to give you a call" but then he didnt 'bite' and ignored it. And I have only seen him 3 times in over 6 months, which is ridiculous. And he is still with her, which does upset me (although he told BMF he was going to end it with her)..
My RL people were impressed he put more money in for joint things, so I dont have to. Wierd.
Great news on the flat. Now we'll all keep our fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly and you'll be able to complete the sale.
I'm glad to hear you and BF are in contact a few times each week. I know it is frustrating b/c his pace is slower than you'd like. You clear w/your frustration when you said:
Quote:
why cant he just meet me, give me a hug and put all this behind us...
The answer, of course, is two-fold. One, time will make this happen as long as you can a) stay the course, and b) have enough patience to wait. The 2nd part is also something you know - He's a zoo and incapable of doing anything except what he is doing right now.
If he's miserable w/Helen, I'd wager confidently that he's thinking about you far more than he's contacting you. He knows the grass he has is quite brown compared to the lovely green lawn he once knew.
Again, time is what is needed here.
Also, I'm sorry about the lack of income, but glad you'll be able to get through w/your college courses in a more rapid fashion. That should really help you in several ways moving forward.
I hope you slept well and have a lovely Sunday across the Pond.
Hey Rob, thankyou and you are absolutely right, he is a zoo, he's f-ed up! And yes, also, I woke up thinking the same, question is, have I got the patience to stay the course?
I had a lovely evening, very emotional. We talked all night and a bit about my ex. She worries for my ex, as he is very depressed and G cancelled some work so he could stay and meet my ex for a drink, Thursday, as he is VERY worried about him. Turns out, their friend J was there too....and Helen later on.
Apparently what my ex said about hte contract was along the lines, oh no "I will be stuck with her for another 6 weeks now". Ridiculous hey? Also.. she doesnt cook !! My ex has a Taurus Moon, the way to his heart is definetly through his stomach, he loves good food. I taught him to cook (took me 5 years!!) and cooking nice meals from scratch most nights was central to our R, he LOVED all that. Shes just the opposite of me though hey. Apparently she managed to cook a cheesecake, so went on about this in the pub "20 times" to the point my ex turned to BMF and said he wsa sick of hearing about it. Ridiculous, the whole thing is, he never once bad mouthed me to friends, not even since we have split up!!!!
She didnt stay the night with him, he and BMF got very drunk (sigh) and then she drove home. Apparently he doesnt spend many nights with her. Apparently shes not that nice to him.
Also, she said to BMF that they really ought to go out again for a meal, the 4 of them. BMF was drunk and honestly told her, no, that isnt going to happen, it was a disaster last time and Cher doesnt like you. Blimey.
I had a moment of clarity last night. She has no idea, like I didnt, that he is going to dump her! I thought their R is at breaking point and in fact, she is joining him down the pub with his friends, but she obviously feels secure enough in her R with him still that she is inviting his BMF out for a meal sometime as a 4. I'm not saying he is lying, or wont go through with it, I'm saying, he is wearing a front to her so that she probably has no idea that he has made the decision to dump her. As I didnt.
My ex told G he is sick of renting and that he had a lovely house (or has?) back home and told him about it and how he misses it. I'm amazed, I thought it was me that loved that house and still felt attached to it, seems he is too. He's never once mentioned it since we split up. I knew he wouldnt want to sell it.
Lastly, she said that if it were her, she would move on, as she is a Leo and thats what she does... but for me, she thinks I should wait. She said that G has said I should wait, that ex is very unhappy and will break up with her very soon. He is adamant that he wants me back and adamant, she said, that I should continue to wait for him. She said, he is his BF, ex only really confides in him and G was adamant last week its only a matter of time... I believe him, but how much more can I take????? Not much.
Just thought I'd check in. You're up early on a Sunday.
I don't have a lot to say, other than it sounds like progress is being made, in terms of your ex getting more and more fed up with the situation that he's in. I'm not so sure there is a whole lot that you can do other than remain patient (assuming you still want the R back), and keep up the friendly contact that is working well.
The point you made about Helen is interesting. You are probably right that she has no idea about how your ex feels, and that is too bad.
Sounds like you're running out of patience? What are your next steps?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hey ITH! Yes I was up early, and up late! I cant sleep in lately. I used to be so lazy before, I'd lie in bed till midday on a Sunday and my ex hated wssting the day like that, so I'm not like that anymore.
You are right, his sitch is reaching breaking point, he is utterly miserable, in fact, he has been since he left me, its not going to last with them much longer and its out of my hands, of course.
I accept he is going to need another 6-8 weeks with her before he can end it and that he isnt going to want to say broach trying again with me until its over and that wont be until late April/May at least. So, I can wait 2 more months. Kalni said an insightful thing.. see how he behaves when he has split up with her, then you will know, his actions then will be telling, but until he has dealt with that, you will get nothing.
Clearly he is still 'in it' and not bottomed out yet, he hasnt had that lightbulb moment "WTF am I doing?". Interesting he is now verbalising about missing our house, but not the house, what that represents I suppose, your own place, a home, the R that went with it (he already said he misses our homelife). Its ALL SUCH A WASTE!!! How do I feel today? Cross. Angry. Let down. This past 18 months has been ridiculous, these men are so destructive, they hurt themslves and others. He devastated my life. Now he is about to hurt her. He shouldnt have stayed with her for 6 months, I feel sorry for her, I know what a shock she's got coming (although it was worse for me, after all those years of living together).
On a separate note, sadly Cher may end it with BMF today as there have been issues between them lately (ha, shes a Leo), but if he redeems himself, she said they will take me out for a meal on my birthday to a lovely fish restaurant!! I hope they resolve things, of course. Plus, if I do get to see BMF Tuesday, I'm going to grill him... I dont care anymore whats right or wrong, or PC. I have to put myself first and I want to hear first hand from him if he believes its worth waiting and exactly why.
If your Ex does break up with Helen, and IF he does come back to you, how are you going to ensure he doesn't do something like this again? He doesn't seem to be the sort of guy who opens up about his feelings and I know that would leave me feeling a bit worried that he would act the same way again in the future if I was in your shoes. To be honest, he seems a bit of a coward when it comes to emotional things.
I just wonder if you have thought beyond the actual'getting him back', part to how to make things work in the future, so as to avoid a similar situation arising again. Once you get them back it is hard work keeping the R going .
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
On the ex front - I can understand the stress! but - stop!
Step back - what is causing this stress? Is it hearing / knowing the things Cher etc have related to you? Is is the bringing to the fore of hopes and wishes? Is it cos, if your ex dumps H then you're not sure then what?
What if you knew nothing of any of those possibilities? - where would you be then? Stressed? Or are you stressed because you have come to a crossroads yourself?
Perhaps its the waiting...knowing that there is the potential of something happening...
Could it worth investing some time figuring out what the "stressor" is - that might help folks here to - to understand and comment with more clarity...
just a thought...of course - easier said than done often and very easy to suggest from outside of the sitch!
FWIW - I think - you should be careful not to get too wrapped up in to mights and coulds - just like we all have to be careful not to dwell on shouldas, wouldas, couldas...
Ali - you've done a great great job on yourself - don't that go down the pan as you contemplate the possibilities!
