.....I really have no idea what the title of my thread should be anymore....I dont know what to do, and I dont know why my H keeps doing this.
Honestly I feel sorry for him. I would not want to live in his head for a minute, no wait!! Not for a second!!
Since he told me last Thursday he had decided not to come home, he has regretted the decision since day 2! He has constantly been trying to make sure of my every move! He wants to know who is calling me, where Im going and what Im thinking.
Ok, I know this cant continue. I know things are still the same. I know if he comes back, he will leave again.
But I have been standing for my marriage for over 2 years now! Do I just give up on him? DO I move on with my life? DO I ignore him and his thoughts? Do I talk to him about this and remind him what he said Last week about not wanting to come home and promising me he wouldnt do this to me again??
I hurt for him. Im glad its not me going through this. I know he cares about me and is just scared....afraid it will never work, afraid of not giving me the best. Is he afraid he would never be true to me?
I want my marriage to work....but Im stuck between what is the right thing to do and what I want to do.
I want him to change. I know for sure that he is going through a crisis and he doesnt want it. He is suffering and I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for him? Yes, after all he has put me through, I still love him and want to be with him, but I dont wanna keep going through this. I dont know what to do. Im not sure how to handle this now. Its like he has 2 different personalities or something. Its like something happened to change his mind or make him regret the decision that he made.
Im fine really....just concerned about my H. Why? cuz i care about him and still love him.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Hey BND...No you didnt scare me off, I truly listened to what you said.
The thing is I know I have to do something different. But i have done all things from ignoring him, to being his friend, to just talking about kids and finances and everytime he does this. I have done all the 180's.
Whenever he has told me he wants to move back home I guess I have always listened to him and he listens to me and my concerns. I have enforce boundaries in the past.
Now the only thing different I can think of to do is to say NO, you cant come back....ever? And I cant do that. I just cant make myself say it, I dont want it.
Ugh. sigh....
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Let's see how my 180 will work out. If it'll turn out poorly, then at least we'll know what not to do
But after all these months in limbo one's patience wears thin...
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Thanks Stella....Patience is something I have always had....but yes, it is wearing thin and i hate limbo....I hope yours turns out good!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I know you love him, but you are also looking at this situation through rose colored glasses. You think he is your whole life and you can't possibly live without this man in your life.
You are afraid that if you turn him down he will think you don't love him and you will lose him.
You seem to forget that you are the one in control here, not him.
He is afraid of losing you, do you understand that.
So, Kissak, what is it that you really want?
Are you really prepared for him to come home? Or are you living in the fantasy of a happy ever after that you think you will have once his clothes are unpacked.
Piecing is really really hard, and if he comes hime for the wrong reasons then he will walk out of that front door again.
Kissak, again I am going to ask you, what is it you really want from this Man?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Actually Breton...Im not gonna do anything. He hinted around all day that he wanted to talk about things, tonight at tkd, I said nothing. Just acted 'as if'. So nothing really happened.
BND....I dont think he is my whole life and I know I CAN live without him. That is not what Im afraid of. That I am absolutely sure of. I dont NEED him at all. I have been doing fine on my own for over 2 years now.
But, you are right when you say that if I turn him down Im afraid of losing him. Afraid of not knowing. Afraid of losing the 15 years together. That is what I am fighting against in my head right now. I know he is afraid of losing me. ANd I know Im in control....that is true.
I am prepared for him to come home. I am ready to do the work...my concern is that he isnt ready. He has come home before and I know how much work it is. He however is the one that wants instant results. I know that it takes alot of work and patience....I am ready....I dont know that he is.
Im not trying to stay in the same cycle, the only reason this last time I was willing to give him another chance was because it had been 8 months and the OW was finally out of the picture and remarried. I thought for once he could focus on "us".
I guess I am just struggling with havin the courage to turn him down until he is ready. Which I think I am coming to terms with....Now if I can just go through with it.
Last edited by kissak; 03/06/0902:32 AM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak, It seems to me that you're already being courageous by not reacting to fear, and impulsively letting him back. You're hanging in there with your fear, and that's not easy to do.
Try to think this out and not let fear make the decision for you. How is letting him back before he's ready to work, going to make it less likely that the R will end? Somehow you think there is greater security if he's in your presence.
What action on your part will increase the likelihood of the R working-out in the long run?
What will help you to stay with the fear, even longer without reacting?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
