Oh my gosh bad day today. I really don't know how I can cope anymore. I had plans after work and I sent h an e-mail early in the day and let him know that.
About 15 min before he was to meet s7 afterschool he sends me a text and says sorry I won't be over I have to meet the internet guy. At this point I am furious. He let our s7 down and me too.
I text and said you can't do this 15 min before you are suppose to be somewhere and expect me to just drop everything because he can't make it.
Of course I try calling and he isn't going to answer his phone. I am floored. The best he could do was text. This is not something you text about.
I can't go on with this disrespect anymore. I have suffered enough. Enough is enough. An internet connection was more important than the well fair of our kids. That is what it comes down too. A text message was the best he could communicate.
Makes you really sit and wonder. I tried so hard to make this work, but I don't have anything left to give. I don't see anything changing or improving to a level of caring and respect.
I have so much on my plate that it's over flowing and all I get is I have to wait for the internet guy. It's not like we don't have internet at the house that h could have used.
I am devastated! I know that this may seem like an overeaction, but everything has taken a toll on me and I realize that this is NOT what I want for my life. Something has to change.
All I ever get is look what you have done, you hypocrit, you back stabbed me, oh poor me poor me poor me without ever taking responsibility for his actions that caused mass devastation to his family, friends, us and the kids. At least take responsibility for his wrongs that he committed. It's like he doesn't even see it or want to fix it.
Tears!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, I am so sorry you had a bad day and feel like this. Maybe tomorrow you will have other thoughts. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you. I understand how you feel. It has been going on for a long time and at times he seems to be moving but then he always falls back. I don't know how you handle that. Maybe we see what we hope or want to see and then when this happens reality hits us.
I am sorry that it feels like things are falling apart, but honestly things are not as bad as it seems.
When a Man loses his job it is HUGE!! A Man finds his self worth in his career, and his ability to support his family.
Have you thought about what is going through his head right now? Have you thought about how much stress he is under with you and him both out of work?
Even if he were not in MLC, this would be a very stressful situation. My Husband has lost his job several times, and it was even worse when he lost his job during his MLC.
Please try to be patient while he is trying to find his way home, it may seem as though this will never end, but it will.
Each negative action you give him will give you a negative reaction from him.
He needs to find you to be a safe person, he needs to be able to trust you and to be his friend.
Bite your tongue, vent here on the board, go for a run, but do not share your feelings with him right now, this is not the right time.
Try to remember, you are looking for logic in an illogical situation, you may as well bang your head against a wall.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
You got some good advice from BND. She is right, losing his job put your H under even more stress.
I know exactly how you feel. I remember how hard it was when I stayed with H. He was a totally different person and nothing I did was good enough. It was so hard to be patient and not to blow up.
I wish you strength and patience to get throught this difficult phase of your life. (((HUGS)))
Thanks BND you are a very wise woman. I appreciate your insight.
H called today. Everytime he called I was in a meeting and couldn't answer. He text me and said he was sorry about yesterday. He said he was depressed and couldn't handle anything yesterday. I text back sorry and thanks.
Later I was able to call him. He was in a bad mood. He said that he had no appetite didn't feel like eating. I said ok then don't eat h. He then said well how is that going to help me. I said well if you don't feel like eating then you shouldn't. He then said he was leaving as soon as I got home. I said ok h.
I got off the phone as quickly as I could, since I knew it wasn't going good. Then about an hour later he calls and says what are you making for dinner? I said what would you like h. He said could you make salmon. I said sure h. Hmmmmm I thought he wasn't hungry.
Well when I got home I fixed a nice salmon dinner and h stayed for dinner. He was in a little better mood. He helped clean up the kitchen. When he left he said see you on Saturday. I just said ok h, thanks for your help.
The evening went fine. Earlier in the day I didn't even want to speak to h. I am still a little grouchy myself, but starting to feel a little better.
I just want this all to end.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Hi Glam, well I guess you just go back to basics for now. No expectations and one foot in front of the other.
BND is right that H losing his job is huge for him but you are losing your job too so remember to take care of you first.
Is he actively looking for work? I remember a post you made to MWG once when her h was not looking for work, you said something about your h doing the same at one time. BTW any news of MWG I guess she/her life is much the same. Take care.
Thanks for stopping by Naej. Yes, I am just doing as I have always done. I could have choose to be rude and silent yesterday, but then why. My h couldn't face us. I think he could have handled it better, by giving me a call and just being honest. I have yet to bridge that gap with him. He obviously doesn't feel safe to express how he really is feeling to me. I am going to try to work with our c on this.
My h I think is in a better position looking for work this time. Last time he had no notice. This time he has notice, so he is already getting his resume out there. I just hope when the day comes it doesn't put my h in a deep depression again.
I am looking too, but I have to be honest not much on the horizon and I have alot of skills and could branch off in a variety of careers, but have only found a handful of jobs suited to my skills where last time I could apply for upwards of 20+ jobs a week. Oh well I am not going to stress. Been there done that. I can always collect unemployment for awhile and see what direction my life goes.
It's called how does the next chapter of my life read?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Well just talked to xh. His sister was here visiting and stayed with s20. She is back at xh's now and she talked highly of me and s20, so xh called and thanked me again.
It was kind of funny. He said why didn't you take me to church with you to that huge church you were attending when we were together. Believe me I tried. He was unwilling to change at the time. He did admit that today.
It's just weird talking to xh like old times. Though all his memories of us are from so long ago and I hardly remember any of what he is saying. I am sure I am not the same woman from 15 years ago. He does give me lots of praise. It feels good, but even back then I was unable to save my m. I did the best I could with s20 being a single parent before I met h.
It's all still weird though, exh says s20 is so smart he says he makes him feel that he was so stupid for all the foolish things he did when we were together.
All of this is so hard. I feel that my life back then was so broken and now again it's so broken. What does it take to become whole?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, When things get the hardest, that's when God is doing the most work on your H and on your marriage. I got this from yesterday's Charlyne Cares. So, her advice, and mine, is to "turn up the heat" in praying, trusting God, and increasing your faith, and in working on you - if you want to make your life whole again. As you know, God really is in control. Prov 16:9 (I think) says "In his heart, a man plans his course, but it is the Lord who determines his steps." Very assuring.
