Retrouvaille means change

[Yoyowife]

Sara,
You have mail.

[Kalni]

I just read about the roses and the cake (I Know, 2 weeks delay ), you know what? I was pretty floored too... LOL!
K

You give people hope.I like your attitude and your strength. I think you have managed a fine balance in your R and your personal boundaries and needs. I am sure Mr. Sara is doing a good job too but somehow I feel you are leading with this, even by choosing not to... Thanks for all your help.

[Coach]

Sara, I read what you wrote about love being a decision not a committment. I think that is a Retro typr mantra. Would you be willing to start a thread based on that concept and get a dialouge flowing on what "love is a decision means" ?

Cheers

[Sara]

Good idea, Coach. I just wrote something about my thoughts on that on Another Nightmare's thread. I will go start a new thread.

[BobbiJo]

Yes! Do! I find it to be so true but a lot of WAS' seem to disagree....

[Sara]

Just as some people have better control over their bodies, and therefore are better at sports, I believe some people have better control over their thoughts. But to think that love is something that happens to you with no effort on your part, is to resign yourself to a life of short-term love only. And I don't know how that equates to love within the family. I know I have a brother I find less than lovable, and sometimes my kids are not lovable for years on end. How does how I feel about them fit into a definition of love. Romantic love, invented in the middle ages to keep younger sons of wealthy families busy so they would not attack their older siblings' property, was never meant to be married love. It was love from afar of an older married woman.

[smiles76]

Hi Sara,
I am participating in the newcomers forum. I would like to invite my husband to a Retrovaille weekend but I am not sure when it is an appropriate time to do so. We are separated and living in separate households. Also, my husband is without religion, aethiest and has no interest in religion. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks!

[Sara]

Smiles,

There is no right time. If there is a third party involved, then that would not be a good time. Both spouses need to agree to attend with an open mind and a willing heart. But it is very common for one person to be going with a desire to reconcile, and the other to be just willing to attend, but not hoping to reconcile. The weekend works on teaching good communication skills. Whether you use those skills to rebuild the marriage, or cooperate on a divorce is up to the couple.

There are no religious requirements. It is open to everyone of any faith, or no faith. Retrouvaille does receive funding from the Catholic Church, which makes it much more affordable than private programs. The website is http://www.helpourmarriage.org. The contact person for your local group can give you more information. Feel free to call them.

[smiles76]

Thank you Sara.

As far as I know there is no third party.

Thanks for your feedback.

[Sara]

Sometimes these threads seem to get left behind.

So, if you read my other thread, you know that I forced my husband to go to a not so great long, loud, dark, bellydance event tonight, with pretty poor food. He doesn't mind going to bellydance events with beautiful sexy bellydancers and good food. In fact, that is his idea of a good time. But this wasn't it. Now he is mad at me, and I am hiding in the study.

so, the question is....what did I learn at Retrouvaille that will help me with this situation?

I told him to go ahead and say whatever he wanted to say about the bad saturday night. He did, a little. But he said he didn't want to talk about it. So that makes two of us. Do we need to open up and talk about our feelings on this? Or can we sweep it under the rug? Does anything ever go under that rug and not pop up like a broken bedspring right under your hip when you are trying to sleep? Can I take the chance? I just don't know.