lol Sandi, I have to agree, this thread is tivo worthy, now where did I put my remote?
Happy to see you growing stronger robx, you deserve it.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
- my goodness, I've become a soap opera show and I didn't even know it (incidentally, the pay is crap)
LOL!
Thank you all for your kind words & support, it is appreciated.
The kids play went well tonight, she saved me a seat in a packed, standing room only school gym and was very nice to me and initiated all of the conversations (ie. "nice to see you, how was work, did you have time for supper, how was traffic, do you think I dressed up our son & daughter ok, etc.").
By the time the school play was finished, it was past the kid's bedtime, I walked them to her minivan, buckled up the kids, told them goodnight and said bye to her. I told her I was going to the gym (that's when I usually go, in the evening) and I didn't have time to paint her toe nails tonight, she replied that it was ok and maybe another night and I said "sure, maybe."
;-)
Seriously I don't know if any of this is going to fix my marriage and bring her back to me but I'm not wallowing in self-pity anymore, I'm doing better than OK, I'm doing really good, thanks to all for stopping by.
Hi Rob, I looked you up because of your posts to someone else. As I was reading your last posts I was saying to myself "dear God I hope he didnt...paint her toe nails!!!". I was so glad you didnt.
Right now she is going to try everything in her power to see that needy look in your face again. Sadly, it is all standard procedure as you must have seen here on the boards. The moment the LBS starts to have a life and seperates their own happiness from the WAS, the WAS is looking back interested to know what happened. There was a great analogy once posted on this board, the picknik analogy. I will try to find it.
Anyway, one thing that I believe makes a difference, whatever you do, make sure you are calm and in "good spirit". It has to be clear that you are NOT acting the way you are (refusing her proposals etc etc ) because of anger or to punish her. It has to be clear you are acting this way because... you dont feel like it, because you have better things to do, because you have plans etc etc. So, try to be polite and as we say in greek "kill her with cotton". (In my case my H tested me for sometime, wanted to see if I was acting out of spite, I remember sometimes I would do something really caring like say "button up your coat, it's cold out there" with a sweet voice as he was dropping the kids off and he would be really shocked. It didnt match the vindictive -excuse me for my spelling- motive he was looking for).
Anyway, I think you are doing GREAT!!! Sandi is a veteran, she has your back covered. Take care K
I have read the Superior Man recently and actually suggested it to some of my male friends here. When he talks about women -as far as I am concerned- he knows what he is talking about. I love that book!
Thank you Kalni, I think your advice is spot on. I won't reject her out of spite, I will just be pleasant and tell her I'm busy and have something to do.
Sandi does have my back, as well as quite a few others on this forum (Spellfire, JD also come to mind as being frequent posters on my thread).
That book is fantastic, I wish I had it growing up - in fact it should be required reading for all men.
I've been reading some of my posts and I hope I don't come off as being spiteful or vindictive against my wife or women in general. I love women and I love my wife very much and I'm sure I'm becoming the man I've always wanted to be, it could be that I'm also becoming the man she always wanted me to be which is why she is more pleasant with me now than in the beginning of our separation.
Thank you for the great feedback and comments, I am going GREAT and I'll assume my life can only get better!
Man, I'm so happy that's the way it worked out. That is actually perfect. You had a fun FAMILY time - light, breezy, good conversation, and you didn't get it all thick and heavy.
And, sure enough, she responded as I hoped - by taking a rain check.
That was a perfect interaction - not only because of how you handled her, but because of how you handled YOU!
Again, when you get your head into a place where you are making decisions for yourself, and not some sly trick to bring your WAS back, things start to come together nicely!
It did work out well and I think the last point you made is what most people on this site need to realize, none of this can be a trick to bring back your partner - the changes have to be real and most importantly, they have to be done for yourself, not for your spouse's benefit.
She has been asking me lately, today more than other days, why I haven't been conversational and why I don't reply quickly to her text message, emails, voicemails, etc.
Basically most of her texts aren't questions, more like telling me what she will be doing and really don't require a response from me unless it's like a yes or no question, or asking for my opinion on something.
Example: - "You can say something like ok so i know you got txt" - "Did you get txt you havent responded" - "Did you not get my txt did i answer you correctly or enough"
I feel like replying back and saying "Cause you're boring and I'm tired of replying back every 2 minutes", or "because i'm following divorce busting techniques LOL!" (just kidding, I wouldn't tell her that)
"Coz I'm busy doing more important things" ohhh burn sssss. jk, don't say that.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
-Oh, I love this strong hinting for a compliment going on here:
Quote:
do you think I dressed up our son & daughter ok
How did you keep from laughing out loud? So funny! Yes, she is trying to see what is making you tick. If you won't volunteer a compliment, then she will fish for one. She is so obvious. And don't you love the way she threw in there "our" son & daughter? So cozy!
The constant text messaging would really get on my nerves, to tell the truth. You will have to come up with a good reply that will shake her up a bit more....LOL. But, for now, just telling her that you have other things you are involved in, too busy, mind on something else, anything but an answer to a direct stupid question she has trying to make you dance to her song. She is so use to snapping her fingers and see you run to her that she is going nuts trying to get you to jump when she says "frog". I think at first it is funny to see how silly she can be out of her own desperation and you may even be tempted to ask her how it feels to be the one in that place for a change, but of course you don't (and I know you wouldn't) do that. I think you may be correct in that after a while of this immature stuff, it could become very boring to you b/c you see....you are growing as a person....and she isn't. You may outgrow her and see all that immaturity as a huge turn-off. That goes back to what you were saying before about the possibility that your feelings toward her could change. Improving and growing is a wonderful thing to accomplish and I would not discourage anyone from doing that with their own life.....even for the sake of a R. Hope I don't get bashed for saying that, but if you have to hold yourself back from developing into a much better human being than you were before......why would anyone say not to do that in order to try to hold on to an old R that didn't work? Besides, that is one of the very first things DB teaches.....is to get to work improving yourself. I only hope that she will wake up, wise up, grow up, and start working on herself and the M before too much water is under the bridge.
In the meantime, keep on doing the good work. I had to laugh out loud when you said the pay was crap.....LOL. But it is entertaining to say the least! Too bad it is at her expense. Maybe it will start to change for the better soon. The ball is in her court now b/c you are certainly doing all the right things. I hope she has enough smarts to see what she needs to do. Stay on guard, keep your focus and your eye on the goal.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just wanted to tell you that I have told a couple of men on the board about your thread and encouraged them to read it. I think it would inspire them. So, now you are a role model....
Have a good day. Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
