It's Complicated! Part 4

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thanks for posting on my thread. I hope you are having a wonderful Valentine's Day.

[glamgirl]

Well we had a nice V-day. H was here on time. I was not showered yet and was about to go up and shower and h said can I watch. I said sure do you want to join me. He said later.

Before we left for bowling he opened the V-day gift with the cards and chocolate. It was a cute compatability card game. We each had to answer questions. Now my h is not one for sillyness but he was a good sport today.

Well I got ready and then we were off to pick up the cake and go bowling. I don't know what it is, but my h looks so sexy bowling. He has this walk and stance that just kills me.

Of course he was top bowler. Strike or spare! That is my h though when it comes to sports, he has always been pretty good. He wasn't a bowler that I ever knew of.

We had fun. When we returned we watched a movie together. He then left and said he wanted to finish some work this evening. I said see you tomorrow. He said he would be over in the morning.

Don't know where all this is leading. Maybe I am NOT suppose to know. I wish he would sit down and talk about what is on his mind and his plans for our future. Is that too much to ask?

[Upside]

Hi glam-
I am glad that your D had a nice birthday and you had and nice Valentine's day with your H.

I know what you mean about not knowing where all of this is leading. I keep asking myself how long can this go on? We need to keep reminding ourselves that life is a journey (not a destination) and that there is happiness to be found all along the path we are on...we just need to acknowledge and appreciate our blessings. Life may not be perfect or anywhere close to how we planned it but there are still wonderful things all around us that can fulfill us. If we can focus on those things, maybe it won't matter so much if our H's are home or not. Afterall, if or when our H's do come home, life will still not be perfect and we will still need to look for and appreciate the positives.

(((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks so much for that different perspective Upside. I know that you and I are in a similar situation. Gosh I just get so down sometimes thinking about living alone here with the kids and what really am I suppose to be doing with my life.

I am appreciative of h's company, but this can't go on forever. You are right though even when/if they come home there will be a whole different set of problems.

Thanks Upside I needed that post right this moment.

[Upside]

Hi glam-
I understand about getting down. I seem to quickly swing from being very hopeful and almost content to extremely frustrated and on the verge of being done. Somedays I just keep telling myself I don't want to do this anymore...then I get some sign of movement from my H and it keeps me going a little longer. This weekend I felt like my H was so full of crap telling me that he wants to move forward in the M and then he makes very little effort to spend time with me...when he senses my frustration, he makes a little effort and the cycle starts again. It makes me want to scream. Your H is much more consistant than mine.

My post to you yesterday was as much for myself as it was for you. I need to remind myself that life is way too short to live it waiting on someone else to make make me complete. I need to be happy with me...most of the time I am successful but then periodically ideality creeps into my mind and sends me into a downward spiral. I need to figure out how to pull myself out of that downward spiral by remembering that I do have some much in my life for which to be grateful...however we all know that is sometimes easier said than done.

(((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Yes Upside I do understand the roller coaster that we are on. For me it is not so much looking to my h for happiness, but looking for him to complete the family.

It's like I want more for our lives and the kids than someone who comes over frequently, but doesn't make a committment to bring us to the next level.

I feel like I am dating a guy that just doesn't want to get M. If that makes sense. It's as if he is afraid to make that committment, but yet gave that committment when we wed.

At some point, dating isn't going to be good enough and I don't want to be too old to meet someone either. Don't get me wrong I want to work things out with my h, but come on now we need to move things along here.

Today, though I will also reflect on what I have to be grateful for. I know many would like to walk in our shoes, but these shoes aren't easy by any means either.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Glam (& Upside):

As you know, I am one of those who would like to "walk in your shoes", but as I read your posts, I am reminded that everything is relative. Life is a complex journey and every experience, good and bad, is meaningful. It's all in how we look at it.

Each and every day we make a choice on how we are going to live that day. We may yearn for the security of knowing there something we can "count on" so that we feel like we have some "control" over our destiny, but the reality is that life is not that way. Of course there is "God" as S/He is defined by each of us, but that also requires belief as opposed to "tangible reality".

But then, if we are the one's who make the choices each day, are we not the one's who are really in charge of our lives? Isn't that the very "control" we say we want but don't feel like we have? Hmmmm......that's something to think about, isn't it.....??

Oh, well, enough "waxing philosophical"!!

Hang in there, my wonderful friend!!! You are truly an amazing woman, and I believe that life holds for you happiness such as you can't even conceive of right now, because you deserve it!!!

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

I am glad you had a lovely V-day with your H and your D a nice birthday.

I admire your patience, and patience is what you will need. Hang in there.

Have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks SC and TL. So today I took d5 to the dr to update her shots or they kick her out of daycare. Well after the shots she wasn't feeling well and could hardly walk, so I ended up staying home with her today.

S7 is off from school today too. I called h and let him know, so not sure if he is coming over today or not. He usually is here to meet s7 after school, but wasn't needed today, so I am sure he will bow out today.

It's ok, nothing going on today anyway.

Patience, patience and more patience. Is that a song or a dance these days. Looks like I need to reach a little deeper now.

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, Glam,
I just wore out my fingers typing a long update on my thread, but wanted to just pop in here and say hello, and tell you I'm not posting as much as I used to, but I do get on and catch up with everyone periodically. Glad you had a nice V-Day!

Peace,
Dawn