HAPPY VDAY TO YOU ALL))))))))))))) No other place have I found so many commitment and love filled people as here, who went through trials of fire--I pray that you come out stronger and with peace in your hearts, that each level of your individual Everests brings you closer to find that peace that surpasses all understanding.
Me: keeing busy, my place looks great, busted my butt taking wallpaper off & painting, having some single parents over for vday tomorrow, bought some roses, I'm feeling great.
Kids: Son is doing much better, the C is golden, helps so much, it is little d5 who is now projecting and hating going to stbx. C helped deal with their moods, to acknowledge their hurt and to redirect them, told son today we all know dad did wrong and it hurt, but that he it is ok to love dad even if he hates what the did. I held back tears, have not cried in months, only my kids' hurt hurts me now. But over all they are happy as clams with me.
The rest: stbx has submitted D paperwork, I got the stuff, will have it reviewed by someone even though all was nailed down on the sep. agreement. Signing is just a formality, the worst is over (S for good last yr, learning to not have kids around). So signing that piece of paper means nothing to me now. Will be D in 2wks or so.
Stbx is even deeper in debt, gf tries to pick fights indirectly and tries to destroy the communication stbx and I have over kids, talks to him as he is talking to me to tell him what to say. Last sunday she txted me as him, was just pushing buttons and being a total jerk, I didnt' take the bait. I wont' be answering txts when he's off, only calls. Kids hate her food and d5 cries when her hair is combed by gf, I dont' like it but in the whole scheme of things there are worse things. Her d9 isn't here yet, s10 dreading it, I'm sure there will be squables...C teaching s10 to cope.
Slowly but surely making it my "normal happy mode" one that now involves being a single mother, it's taking its time, but I'm working hard at making my default happy mode one in which I love my life with the kids, the 3 of us.
Ok, this is getting too long, lol, hugs to all of you)))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Wow, thanks for the update. Has anyone told you you're amazing lately? You are. I'm glad the C is helping. And that you're feeling good about you and keeping yourself busy.
Cat - sounds like I could have written your update - yay for both of us!! I am glad to hear that the kids IC is helping them so much. I wish mine weren't as reluctant to go (S13 flat out refuses at this point).
I'm sorry to hear that Donna, but do try to talk to him, I learned tons about what to do/not to do about our children's pain in the the book "healing the hurt restoring the hope' give that a try, he needs to let it out, if not, always leave the door open to give him a chance to let it out, it gets extra hard when they are teens)))))
thanks peace, the gf's grip goes beyond the imaginable. For some strange reason she makes him reduce the amount of time kids speak to me, tries to get rid of any flexibility stbx and I agreed upon at the beginning of the S, it's horrible. ANYtime we have to agreed on something he turns to her (yes, I hear him) and ask him "is this ok?" aRGH!!!!!!!!!!! even if it is to the best advantage of the kids he goes with what she says.
I finally had it and let it know that I know she is texting as him, after my reply she didnt' refute nor text back (she had just sent a very rude text and was mean talking about my d5) My reply was not hateful nor angry, only said pretty much that if stbx had something to say, to call me, that I wans't havign another txt fight.
This is where I need your help. When stbx picked up d5 (it was the worst time, she sobbed and refused to go, he stood there blank faced telling her to go, no hugs nothing, he comes back from the car as she sobbed to talk about some bill. I was so mad, I tell him to just go, he snaps at me "she'll be FINE!" and takes his time, I finally snatched the bill (which was old, something we could've talked on the phone about it) and shut the door. He makes her sit on the FRONT seat (he came on her car, which is clean and there is space in the back) Now, d5 was terribly upset and the drive to his home is of 3min, those were the only reasons I didnt' come out to make her sit in the back.
I gave him a booster seat last year, the kind that is a half one, doesn't take any space or anything. S10 tells me she never wears one (neither gf's s6 who is a tiny skinny boy who could really need it). I cannot let him endanger my d5 like that, I told him on a vm that I wouldn't let him take d5 without one, his only reply was to not threaten him. Other than that what can i do??? I will never forgive myself if something happens to her and I didnt' do enough to protect her.
The D papers aren't final yet, the sep. agreement can be amended but only if he agrees, i want to put there that she will not go with him unless I see the booster seat when he picks her up, I dont know what else to do. My d5 will be 6 in 3wks, she is a big girl, weights 65lbs and is 48" tall, but VA law says a child has to be 8 and 80lbs. I dont think she sits in the front often, he always has her sit in the back, but the booster seat thing is killing me.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, VA State Law trumps anything in a D or S agreement. He ought to be doing it because it IS the LAW. All you can do is "remind" him. Beyond that, it is out of your control, so don't delve on it. I know exactly where you are coming from on this, but it is out of your control.
