Playhouse

[hope3343]

{{{{{yoyo}}}}}} hugs...
I know I sound like a broken record, but you have been DB for a long long time. You have gotten results but not the ultimate result of H leaving the OW FOREVER.

Need to go to Plan B -- totally dark with giving your H a letter explaining what he needs to do. As long as he can have you as a friend, lover, and have the OW -- he has no reason to change.

I don't want to come on this board 5 years from now and you are "still dating him".

If you decide to go this route let me know and I can give you some sample letters.

Only you know how long you can stay in limbo but from your tone it seems that you are starting to hate him instead of building love for him by his continued actions.

We are there for you no matter what. I have some updates that I will post to my sitch later today. We will keep praying.

[NoCodeBlues]

((((((((((Yoyo))))))))))

I can only agree with what everyone else has already said. I add to this that I can only conclude one thing, and one thing only -- until your H lets the OW go -- as an employee, a contact and a "friend" -- your relationship with him is not going to work. It is going to always be far too painful for you even if the A really is over.

Your H had better understand exactly what this is doing to the both of you. If he wants to remain oblivious to this and continues to make excuses, then he is demonstrating his lack of concern for you and your best interests. Cake eating in any form will destroy a R.

Hugs and blessings, dear one.

[Yoyowife]

Thanks friends for "picking" me up when I need it.

I agree with all that has been said, and I am working on the detaching. I think once DD's ballgames will be over it will be easier since I won't have to see him every week.

I pray for guidance and strength everyday. This is my prayer for you all everyday also.

[Matilda2]

(((Yoyo)))

[kat727]

You are going to do fine. I have a joke for you on my thread this time. Hope it makes you smile.
hugs.

kat

[mcojh]

Yoyo- (you may want to put your helmet on)

What do yo want? You seem to be obsessing over what he could or couldn't have done on a particular day, hour or minute. You are rationalizing and minimizing his relationship with the OW (aka the skank).

Are you willing to go on this way? Can you live your life taking crumbs from him and trying to put them together into a cookie that you call your marriage?

A very wise friend of our on these boards, who is noticable absent as of late, once told me in very graphic terms what my CXW was doing with the FFOM when they were together. It shocked me to my core to read, but it also showed me how little respect I had......for myself. I was willing to take the smallest of actions as signs of positive progress and yet ignore the other things.....giving up all of my self-respect in the process....

Don't do this to yourself....it delays and magnifys the hurt.

If one of your daughters was going through what you are enduring, what would your advice to them be? I don't know too many moms who would advise their child that their best course of action is to forego their self-respect to indulge a selfish, self absorbed adulterer.

Yoyo, as Kat says, you are going to do fine....you are, probably better than fine.

[Yoyowife]

Keep the 2x4's coming. I know that is exactly what I need.

MC,you are exactly correct in assuming that I would not want my daughters to be with such a man. So yes, why am I allowing him to treat me like this in front of them? They are both actually to the point that they don't want to see me with him anymore. I think youngest DD still has a little hope, but oldest DD does not want to see it happen. Mind you that she lives with H, but I don't believe there is much respect there for him. Yes, she loves him, but respects him? I don't think so.

I watched Nights in Rodanthe tonight. I won't give away much of the plot, but the lead female character was separated due to her H's adultery. At the beginning of the movie, he comes to pick up the kids and says after 7 months he made a mistake and wants her back. Her friend that she is visiting asks why she would want him back. My daughters watched this movie with me. I'm sure they were thinking the same thing about me.

So I'm trying to figure out how to work it out that I will not ride with H to the ballgame tomorrow night, that is if he goes. Usually we ride together to the away games, but I think I'll see if a couple of DD's friends want to ride with me to keep me company on the way up there. DD has to ride the bus there, but can ride home with us.

NC, the basketball team will be in your brother's neck of the woods.

[saffie]

Yoyo,

I was thinking of you just last night and then I come on and read this. Does Sara really need to ask if something happened lately? What about your post when we all knew he was there hoping to finish off the evening with some 'loving' and got cross because he found the kids round at your house.....then after that you see OW contacting him when the Super Bowl game is on. Come on. Your H has not changed the way he behaves.......it suits him. He is probabaly thinking it won't be that long before OW's son is old enough to leave home. He has the pick of two women.

YOU KNOW ALL THIS.

It's just a question of when you feel you are able to do something about it. Time and time again he has indicated that hitting him in the wallet is what will do it.

Yoyo, I love and respect you........your H may love you but he sure doesn't respect you. Are you ready to do something? Personally I think you should have told him what you thought when you went to see him.

You are a very intelligent, articulate woman, beautiful woman...your H is an idiot. Show him the curb - please. Show your girls how they should behave when a man treats them like a worthless piece of sh!t.

I love you so much Yoyo.....I hate to come back and see you in the same situation. It's great he bought you a new car....think of how much it would cost him to keep going to see whores and what he might catch with them. You are much cheaper and a known option and he always ensures that you are still only involved with him. Also the car was a whole lot cheaper than a divorce.

I know I am being harsh but I am trying to say it as it is.

((((((HUGS)))))))

You deserve so much more and you KNOW it and you need to ensure you show your girls that they deserve so much more and also that they do not grow up 'man haters'.

[Sara]

Saf, I know how you feel about Yoyo. And she does deserve much better. But I don't really think he is using her as a substitute for whores. I think he is using OW as a whore. But then, if she IS a whore, is it really using her? I don't think it's too late for Yoyo to confront him about the other night if she chooses to. She just chose not to do it at that time. I don't think it means that she will never say something to him about that night. And it is possible that he didn't go there for sex, tho he shouldn't be going there at all.

[saffie]

Sara,

I don't think he is really using Yoyo as a substitute for whores....but what I am saying is he is getting his needs met.....and in a way that suits him both emotionally and in his pocket.

As far as I can see it, and I have said this time and time again, that man has things just as he wants them and has NO reason to change. The odd trinket here and there keeps it all running smoothly as far as he is concerned and if Yoyo brings up the conversation between OW's H and herself than Yoyo's H will somehow backfire that on to Yoyo and make her feel bad. That's his modus operandi and it hasn't changed in what....two years?

They go out with couples and her H makes all the right noises about being together etc....but his actions speak WAY louder. Yoyo deserves so much more. Her H is about as two faced as they come.