Being content for now.

[kissak]

^^

[mishka422]

You are absolutely right that the 2 years you have stood and waited was worth it. You have become a strong, independent woman who doesn't need your H to be happy. You would like to have your M but it won't kill you if you decide to end it. That is what is most important.

IMO, you H is no where near ready to come home. He needs to build your trust first. Date each other, spend time together but don't live together. That is how he can rebuild trust.

Karma is sure hitting OW isn't it? Gee, she destroys one M then M's another man she apparently hadn't been with very long and now that's rocky? Imagine that!

Keep talking to him Kissak. If you are able to, reassure him that anything is possible and that you want to trust him but it is going to take time and patience - something you have incredible amounts of.

Be wonderful!!!!

[kissak]

Thank you for putting the trust issue that way Mishka...I really werent sure how to tell him about the trust issue...i know he has to earn it back and I believe he can, but I know Im not ready for him to move home yet, but I am ready to date him.

Actually he did ask me out for this Saturday night. It was odd the way he did it, but it made me smile, but then we were talking and he upset me about something and I told him it did. Then he asked if I needed a hug, then if I was still going to go out with him the weekend if he could find a sitter for the kids....it is his weekend with them.

He did surprise me and when he got the kids yesterday, he actually got them supper and took the to the park...that is something he NEVER does without suggesting it to him. He is even getting them this evening for me to have some time to myself. Since he brought them home early last night.

Time and Patience...I have lots lately...I guess I really do need to spend some time reassuring him of stuff. Honestly he seems in a better mood when we do have R talks. I guess he is able to open up about it more.

[kissak]

Be patient for what? Thats the only thing I feel like saying this morning. Patient for my H to decide he doesnt want to take a chance and come home because if it doesnt work out then we wont be friends?

Thats it. He is afraid to try to see if the feelings will come back because he doesnt want to lose our friend ship.

Im just not feeling good today. Im tired of this. Its pointless.

[kissak]

I really am at a loss again.

My H has seemed to be stringing me along the last few weeks.

Apparently there is a new woman who he say there is nothing going on with, yet he went out with her on vday and before christmas....then went somewhere else with her....even took the kids to her house a few times this weekend. Yet there is nothing going on....

I asked him was she a threat? His reply was "isnt any woman".

Not the answer I was looking for. I cant trust him. This woman is worse than the last. She has been married a few times also. She has been a long time aquaintance and is also in the fire/ems.

I cant do this anymore. I cant trust him for anything. Yet he still says he is thinking about coming home??

Our date last night was a disaster in my eyes. I ended up paying for the meal and he left me crying at home later because we ended up talking about "us".

I dont know how to end this. I dont know if I can or if I want to. What am I afraid of? I wish I knew what to do now. I feel like I am back to square one.

Somebody please tell me what I should do now.

I feel so stupid right this second for even giving him the chance.

[CMNM]

Kissak,

What should you do?

Well, sweetie, first of all- take a deep breath.

Secondly---
keep worrying about Kissak, and not what your mixed-up man is up to. Yes, it hurts....I know this from experience. But, I also know that when I go on with my life and stop worrying about what my Xh is up to I am much better off.

You have to stay in the frame of mind of "He is crazy to leave this behind" as opposed to "How could he leave me behind???"

I am sure you already know that asking if another woman is a "threat" is a no-no. Yes, I understand that you want to know what is going on. However, you do not seem ready to be done with this relationship, so details will just hurt you at this point.

Honestly, I went thru something very similar not too long ago. I was destroyed. Then I thought about all the times XH has come to me for this or that, or some of the things he has said to me. I don't believe he has lied about those things...and I don't consider anyone else a "threat." I am the threat. My XH isn't done with me- your H isn't done with you. So, let's continue to fill our time with productive things---which don't include worrying about what silly MLC nonsense they are up to now.

I hope I do not seem to be making light of your sitch. I know your pain. I also know that I hate myself when I waste time reacting like you are right now.

Leave him be. This changes nothing... as long as you don't want it to. It is very possible that he is still very confused..and acting in a very immature and irresponsible way instead of dealing with it.

Hugs Kissak!!!

[kissak]

Thank you...I just really needed a friend to tell me I was over reacting. But I know I will always be a threat to anyone he dates. But I only brought it up to him today because we had discussed about being friends with people and becoming to friendly with them. It is painful and I have been through this more times than I want to recall. It really sucks. I know he is still very confused, and I cant handle him anymore.

There is no way Ican go dark on him. I did tonight only because my phone died and then he got online to say he guessed that was why I stopped talking, because I was online talking to someone else.


One would think I would be a pro at this by now. I feel like I really messed things up last night and today. Should I have stayed away from the OW subject all together??

[CMNM]

Believe me, I've had to have people talk me down many a time.... glad to be here to return the favor!

You sound like you need a breather. You said you can't go dark-- why is that? You didn't have to respond to him online--- you can always show yourself as invisible so that you can talk to a friend uninterrupted.

Whether or not you should have asked about his "friend"....
well, it really depends if you are in a place to handle the answer...and whether you can believe in it! In a perfect world, this is an easy conversation. But this is not a perfect world and we here are all in far from perfect relationships. It should be a no-brainer...but let's be realistic here!

You can't undo it now anyway. Just put it all into perspective. He is mixed up- he doesn't know what he wants. I am not excusing what he has done (or not done....), just reminding you that it should not change who you are.

You can be dark!!! Don't charge your phone....mark yourself as invisible when you chat online. Take a breath and regroup---even if it takes a day or two. You don't have to punish him... but you do have to strengthen yourself. You said yourself that you can't handle him. Guess what? You don't have to!!! This is YOUR life. Live it as you see fit.

We've both been at this long enough to know the answers. It's implementation that's a bitch...eh?

Hang in there!

Pam

[kissak]

Thanks Pam. Thanks for being a friend.

This morning I am torn on what to do. I asked for answers and I got them.

This OW wants to be my H's girlfriend, but he has told her he has too much going on in his head to do that right now. So, she is cooking for him when he has the kids because she knows he has no money.

Does this all sound too familiar?

Here I am sitting and waiting on him to make a decision when...hello, why should i?

I should be the one to stand up and say no more...but then does that give him the satisfaction of not having to make the decision. Then I will always think it was ME who ended things???

I thought I was doing so much better with this, but it seems that whenever another woman comes into play, it complicates things.

OH, and he told me he werent sleeping with her or anything like that. Just had to let me know.

He keeps asking my thoughts on everything and I dont know what to say.

Im breathing, but its getting harder knowing what's probably coming again.

To boot...this woman is just as bad as the last....been married 3 times I think. AND instead of being on the right side of my work...well, this one is on the left. Doesnt venture too far from me.

ugh....Thanks for letting me vent.

[kissak]

Why does my H feel the need to know what Im thinking? Why does he want my opinion as a friend. Basically I told him he has to make the decision, it will affect alot of people and he has to live with whatever decision that will be and he may be losing out on something good.

His reply was "thats been my concerns the whole time".

What is it that has been said? Its not about making the right decision, its about taking the decision youve made and making it right one.

I have so been playing with the thoughts of telling him I dont wanna do this anymore. It will come to him doing the same thing again anyway.