Too many voices Frank and you can't please them all...so screw all of us and tell us who you want giving you advice, but only if you follow it.
I am grateful for the variety of opinions. I think I have finally gotten to the place where I can sort out the anger vs the constructive ones. Everyone has their good and bad days, and their opinions about them.
I agree with about half the opinions I get from each person. So that makes each one valuable.
Jack, she has paid some consequences for her actions. I could see the hurt in her when she had to admit that what she did was a 'mistake' because I think she has to deal with the fact she also hurt someone else, even though they deserved it. That she did nothing to help I think she has to sort it all out, especially the damage to the girls.
But she's trying. She's a very emotionally damaged person and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now.
She knows I don't trust her and for whatever reason she wants to change that.
IF that were TRUE, then Michael...how quaint...wouldn't be recieving calls from her.
No [censored] really you were friends before you started having sex and you want to still be friends while you live in the same house as me and you want me to trust you...can you pass the KY I was thinking maybe Michael would want to screw me over as well.
You pay to play. You pay for mistakes. You certainly are, why does she get a free [censored] pass?
Jack, you are getting sucked in...again...it's minutia...and you've been here before...for a long time. Ever make any real or lasting diff? ( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Jack, you are getting sucked in...again...it's minutia...and you've been here before...for a long time. Ever make any real or lasting diff? ( j )
Ok 25, what do you suggest?
1) Kick her to the curb because she still 'talks' to 'Michael' while living with me as per Jack and others?
2) Be appreciative that she is here, being mom, helping with the house and the finances as per You and others?
Instead you discount that as 'minutia'. I dunno, I think it's a pretty difficult decision, don't you?
And I'm sitting here doing my best to do what I think is right, given the personality I'm dealing with.
But "minutia"? "Doesn't want to be saved?"
I think not. I fully expect to prevail and get life on track and more fun. That's a hell of a lot better attitude than I had a week ago. I am the guy who solves hard problems. I save myself, thank you. DESPITE todays issues I am still in a good mood.
I said that he was the spiritual friend she ended up in bed with so that's a little hard to believe. And she replied that he was letting her go and there was no sex involved, they only talk sometimes on the phone.
I told her I had trouble believing her since she has had affairs and they all start out with 'friends'. Her response was that I did the same thing. I said that I never violated my wedding vows and had an affair. She said that I lied to her and ran off with 'a bottle'.
I said that it's not the same as running to another person and violate my wedding vows and she said that it doesn't matter, it was still leaving the marriage for something else. In her opinion they are equivalent.
She said that she had to leave and go through that whole 'dating' thing to realize that it was a mistake to 'get involved with someone' when she hadn't gotten rid of her current relationship. She said "that's my pattern though, and it's wrong". So now she's not getting involved with anyone until we get through 'our' financial difficulties and stabilize our family emotionally. And until she is divorced.
First of all and IMO most important, you shouldnt have even noticed she had her purse with her and you sure as hell shouldnt have asked her anything about it. I mean jesus Frank do we need to tape a big asss sign to her front and back that says Pandoras box?
You see Frank, this conversation should have never even occurred. There's a huge difference between setting your boundaries and rubbing one's face in it. You laid your boundaries, she hasn't broken them, yet you keep talking.
Again I get back to what I have been saying, you really really need to get into the "my marriage is over" frame of mind because I can tell you that I wouldn't have any of these conversations even if God forbid we had to be roomies for a while. You know why I wouldn't have these convos???? Because they are fricken pointless and have absolutely no value to add to my life.
Maybe you need to get in a business mindset and look at your communication with her as an investment, like the stock market. You would not invest in anything unless you saw dividends and profit right? There is absolutely nothing good that could have happened for you with any of these conversations.
I hope you understand that Jack and 25 are not getting frustrated just because your not perfect. That is not the point. The point is that you yes maam them to death and say you understand that this is about you and only you. Then you go off the beaten path over and over again. If my kid touched a hot oven I would tell them no. Then the next time I would probably raise my voice and explain what harm comes from touching the hot stove. The next time it happens I basically look at them like they are retarded and figure the only way they will learn is by burning the crap out of themselves.
So.... How many times do you need to get burnt before you learn Frank?????? At some point people are going to stop trying to warn you about the consequences and instead laugh as you writhe in pain with an "I told you so" look about them.
Be civil with her for your kids Frank, have those goofy conversations about dinner and such. Anything beyond what she is going to help with at the house or what is needed for the kids is absolutely non value added at this point. Idle chit chat is fine... No conversations about any R stuff or OM unless she violates the boundary that you laid down and even at that point you may want to check here for whether she did or not.
