You have that talk about boundaries then? All is good good? Total understanding? She documents you you document her, douchbag isn't in the picture at all you know texts, visits phone calls, otherwise she's the one leaving.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
What a long read from today, lots to think about here.
First off, the anger is ok Frank. But I want you to be realistic about it and understand clearly that the anger is a defense mechanism for a man who is not ready to face all that needs to be faced. In many ways you are simply coping with some of the realities by becoming angry because around here it is all to often said that you must become angry at some point to help you move on.
In my opinion that is the tool you are choosing to use. I doubt very much you are even clear completely as to why you angry. I mean you fluctuate. You are angry at her for her choices, you are angry at yourself for not stepping up sooner, you are angry for your children because their family is torn up, and you are probably even a bit angry with your higher power as I am pretty sure you do not embrace these challenges as a way to make you a stronger man.
So to that point, the anger is fine, but it is not your road to glory or how you will persevere in the long run. The bottom line is it takes a much stronger man to find his compassion and understanding than it does for one to get angry.
Shitte, I have as much reason to be angry as any man. Yet my choice is to push past that and instead try and find my inner strength and not allow or depend on the anger to provide me with my future. You cannot allow that either. What you, and I, have to do is get back to basics Frank. Find your ambition, find your drive, find what it is that stimulates you.
What is it Frank that makes you feel whole? What drives you? To me now is not the time to focus on your wife being there. Now is not the time to focus on all that has gone wrong. Now is the time for you to find your comfort zone so you don't have to avoid her in the house. She's there Frank, there ain't shitt you can do about that. Now find your way to be yourself in your home. Find your way clear to be able to function day to day with a business as usual attitude.
For example... Do you make yourself breakfast in the mornings? If so, keep doing it.If she's in the kitchen, so be it. Walk your happy arse in there and make your breakfast. Continue your routines. Continue what makes you comfortable. She is there for whatever reason (reality is we can all speculate on her motives, but we are all completely clueless and simply interjecting our opinions based on a determination we have made about your wife because of how you have portrayed her, we all know that reality could be just about anything) let her be there, find your peace with it because its fuckking happening, accept it.
I think what is important now is for you to find a routine. A daily regimen that makes you comfortable. Make yourself a list Frank, and stick to it. I have one and even when I am dragging ass I stick to it because it simply is what I need to do. Here is mine for every morning.
1. Hit snooze one time and get my bearings. 2. Shower and shave. 3. Make my bed. 4. Wake the kids 5. Take the dog out so he doesnt shitt in the house. 6. Make breakfast for the kids and myself. 7. Check and make sure the kids beds are made...(do not take their word for it) 8. In the car by 6:50.
This is my every morning routine Monday through Friday. I do this because it jump starts my day and it gives me the sense of knowing that I have started my day off correctly. It keeps me from getting the morning funk and feeling like I have forgotten something. It allows me to not have to think and to simply do.
Frank, I think all this talk on here is great and all, but it's time for some practicality and for you to start working. It's time for you to stop beating the same dead horse and instead take action. I know you are making steps to do that, but then you also seem to be looking for answers and trying to come up with ways to exercise your demons so you don't have to feel bad. Hence the focus for the last two days on your anger. It's ok to be angry, but quit talking and just be.
Faith, our behaviors do help push them away. Our choices open the door to them leaving. Our lack of attention allows them to all out of love. Not one of those things justifies the actions that many of our spouses take. It is too fuckinn simple to just go to the courthouse and file for divorce without all the rigamaroo and not for nothing, but penises don't just fall into vaginas on accident..... That... is theirs to own and IMHO is a fair and succinct reason for people to be angry and feel betrayed and hurt. Yep, we screwed the pooch, but we didn't deserve the hurt that their actions caused so NO, our ownership only hangs on the downfall of the love, not on the actions they took to destroy it.
Sorry for the tangent, reading as I post so I don't miss stuff.
Look frank, I can right now think of only 5 things that your mind needs to be on right now.
1. No drinking- AA meetings 2. Help for Frank's depression- IC 3. Finances- See a bankruptcy attorney and figure out all yoru options. 4. Future- Get your work done every day. No more putting stuff off. 5. Your kids- I think you need to find a way to improve your quality time with your kids. Find some kind of activity besides going out to eat that you can do with each of them and get engaged in their lives. Teenage girls need this.
I just want to point out that I see your wifes name in absolutely none of these 5 things. Now for goodness sakes let her go and take care of yourself. You need anger, ok, get angry at yourself for letting a business that you know damn well could make a fortune sit idle and only make what you need to get by. Get angry at yourself for allowing alcohol become your bandaid, now you can't even be a social drinker. Get angry at yourself because you allowed your daughter to see your depression and what levels it takes you to and forced her to send a letter to your wife that she knew would have huge ramifications. Get angry with Frank because he should have been working on this for the last 3 years instead of allowing it to get to this point.
That should motivate you, you know damn well all of the potential that you bring to the table Frank. You know the drive it took you to start your own company and make it a huge success. You need to find that fire and that passion again and apply it to your own life and personal needs.
I love ya man, but you are sometimes your own worst enemy.
words Frank, I've heard this song before, you know?
Amy, That wasn't me it was Frank. Although YES, Amen and Hallelujiah! I have sinned as well as my wife in the path of her MLC and lead her into temptation. ; )
pardon me for missing the "essence" of this scenario with the dinner, and her invitational comment, but Do you think she's trying to poison you? I mean, why not say either "no thanks, I have plans," or "thanks for cooking, I'll pick 'x', and I'll cook tomorrow" ?
Your d's are watching your interactions and probably saw your w make a nice gesture. And you said what? This is not a conspiracy or secret plan to ruin you or judge you...but to make you dinner. If she had made dinner for everyone BUT you, you'd feel what?
Hurt? Angry? Both. But she offered you a choice in dinner. Geez Frankd, what's she got to do to get you to just "be"? Stop the analyzing. It ain't helping you. (j)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
pardon me for missing the "essence" of this scenario with the dinner, and her invitational comment, but Do you think she's trying to poison you? I mean, why not say either "no thanks, I have plans," or "thanks for cooking, I'll pick 'x', and I'll cook tomorrow" ?
I smiled as I said it. It was a joke and she took it that way.
Quote:
Your d's are watching your interactions and probably saw your w make a nice gesture. And you said what? This is not a conspiracy or secret plan to ruin you or judge you...but to make you dinner. If she had made dinner for everyone BUT you, you'd feel what?
They weren't there.
Quote:
Hurt? Angry? Both. But she offered you a choice in dinner. Geez Frankd, what's she got to do to get you to just "be"? Stop the analyzing. It ain't helping you. (j)
I missed the joke totally. No offense, but where is it? I feel like I usually pick up on these things. ( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
