It's Complicated! Part 3

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

I hope you get to feeling better but I know the flu and bad colds are going around over here, too.

Your mattress sounds great. It will be interesting. I envision you sitting/laying on your new mattress watching a movie..........hope it is a good movie.

Victoria's Secret should be your next shopping experience. Better yet, take h with you and let him pick it out.

[glamgirl]

Thanks MWG the mattress is heavinly. It is so much taller than the old set. I am looking forward to a good nights rest this evening.

I was watching Eagle Eye the other night and h comes in and says Glam now that is a movie I would like to watch instead of these other ones we watched. He seemed kind of offended that I didn't suggest a movie night with him. I said h we can watch this one together another evening and I put it away.

Maybe tomorrow evening we can watch it. H leaves for FL next week, so we will be all by our lonesome. Oh well.

VS sounds like my next stop. I was thinking of getting a sitter for a Fri night near VDay and have some fun.

[MidwesternGirl]

Did you get the Fireproof DVD yet?

[glamgirl]

Yes MWG. I did get it as a rental. Haven't watched it yet. I won't ask h since we saw it in the theater. Part of me is a little scared to watch it again, for fear of stirring emotions from the past. We will see.

Also feeling a little down today. I had a horrible dream about ow still in h's life. Now it has been hard to shake those visions of bad memories and all that has transpired.

I actually found myself crying while driving to put gas in the car today. I sometimes wonder if my h reallly understands all of the destruction that occurred due to his choices.

[glamgirl]

I am sure I am having an emotional weekend. I just dropped s20 off at his new apartment. He will be moving in today and tomorrow. I have mixed emotions.

On one hand I am excited to free up 2 bedrooms, but on the other I feel alone. The house will be empty with only d4 and s7. I also can NO longer rely on s20 for childcare. It was very convenient to get his help since I could run errands since he was usually home and I didn't have to take the kids.

S20 has said though that I could drop the kids off at his new place and watch them while I go out and do stuff. I am sure I will take him up on that on occassion. I don't want to burden him too much since this is his first time on his own.

Wow, if I had not had d4 and s7 I will be an empty nester. Not sure if I would be ready for that.

What an emotionally filled weekend. Haven't heard from h yet today. He did call yesterday and ask how I was.

He also called Thur night after he left our home and apologized for dumping all his work problems into my lap. I was ok with it. We should be there for each other when we have issues.

The only problem is that my h always scolds me for feeling the way I do or having an attitude. It would be nice if he just would say Glam I understand how you feel, I am here for you. Just let it all out. He always makes me feel like it's an issue to feel down or depressed or whatever.

I really have to try NOT to share with him. It's always the same response.

[glamgirl]

H just called. Let me know how his day is going. He has a marketing event today. He was going to come over later, but now he says he won't be coming over.

I said fine h whatever you need to do. He has some work to do with deadlines that if he comes over today, then he will have to work on Sunday. This way he won't have to work on Sunday and he said we can enjoy a movie together.

It's ok. I am going to just enjoy the kids today. Not sure what we will do today. I am looking forward to each kid having their own room. They will be able to manager their own stuff better and keep their rooms neater.

[CMNM]

Hi GG.

Sorry you are having an emotional weekend. Look on the bright side- it sounds kind of fun to have some new rooms to fix up.

I feel bad about you saying that you will have to learn not to share with your H, as it is always the same response. I totally understand that, as it is what I deal with also. My XH also always apologizes after venting to me about things. I have never understood that! I want to be here for him.

You should have someone there for you, too. Is this an issue you have discussed in counseling? I know my XH doesn't like to hear my problems as he internalizes them and feels as though I am saying he is at fault. What do you suppose is your H's issue?

Have a nice weekend and enjoy that movie with him tomorrow!

[MidwesternGirl]

Sounds like you have a very responsible and mature S20!!! This is an emotional time for you, no doubt.

I get the feeling that your h grew up in a home where it was not okay to show/express true feelings, that he had to hide them away.

Tell me if I am way off here but I think maybe that is why he gets on you at times.

[glamgirl]

MWG you may be onto something there. I hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking though it is along the lines of what CMNM said that I am telling him an issue that he knows he can't fix and then he feels at fault.

I think CMNM is onto something. I just feel I can't say truly what is on my mind without being scolded or something.

I do think this is something that I can bring up in C though. Our C has a good way of helping h understand what I am trying to say or feel.

We have C again not this week, but next.

I did call h later in the day. He had asked me to check craigs list for a twin bed for d4. We found one, so we will pick it up tomorrow evening. H was in agreement.

MWG my s20 wasn't always this mature, but he has grown into a fine young man. He makes me so proud. He even said, mom I will just stay over on Tues and Wed evening since you need help with the kids. H will be in FL this week, so I will need S20 to help afterschool until I get home.

I watched Fireproof again. It made me cry in parts. I handled it much better this time, but then wonder why I can't have a fairy tale ending.

[MidwesternGirl]

You are quite fortunate to have a son like that.

I wonder what your h's mother and father were like. Did his dad always kind of scold or put down what his mother said? I'll bet that is what is going on and he does not know any other way. Maybe????