This restaurant we go to we've been going to for 23 years. Some of the waitresses have been there 15 years and have seen both our kids grow up. In every way it is 'our family restaurant'.
W made some comments to D18's Boyfriend on the drive over that "Frank always says you should starve yourself before we go here so you can get the most out of it". We ordered the same way we always have for years - she tells the waitress the usual items.
Memories. Familiarity. It's surreal sometimes. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
If you drink you will not feel better. It'll numb some pain briefly, but cause you far more pain in the morning. Then how will you cope with that "new" pain and regret? Think it out Frank. A drink or two....will lead to 10 or more. You'll take a big fall 4567 steps backward and have to start all over.
But what if you only had two or three drinks? You'll still take a fall backwards and your d's and w will still see it as a fall off the wagon. And it will be.
And instead of the peaceful evening your d has in her heart right now, as a bday gift, which is THE present she really wanted was that; an evening together as a family....will be stained by those "few" drinks.
Don't take it away. You did well tonight. You don't have to drink, tonight.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
If you drink you will not feel better. It'll numb some pain briefly, but cause you far more pain in the morning. Then how will you cope with that "new" pain and regret? Think it out Frank. A drink or two....will lead to 10 or more. You'll take a big fall 4567 steps backward and have to start all over.
totally true. That's the cycle I've gotten stuck in over and over. No, it ends now.
Quote:
But what if you only had two or three drinks? You'll still take a fall backwards and your d's and w will still see it as a fall off the wagon. And it will be.
And instead of the peaceful evening your d has in her heart right now, as a bday gift, which is THE present she really wanted was that; an evening together as a family....will be stained by those "few" drinks.
Don't take it away. You did well tonight. You don't have to drink, tonight.
(( j ))
Amen. I don't and I won't.
And, I got four hugs and thank-you's from D18 tonight. FOUR! That's a record.
The past year has been such a colossal waste of my life. I wouldn't let go of the need to try to control anything. Angry, sad, happy, hurt.
What I learned from all this is that I don't like hurting all the time. But I was addicted to it.
I actually feel somewhat relaxed right now. Tired, but relaxed.
I have no control over anyone else. I control only my thoughts and feelings.
Glad you had a nice evening. By the way, which restaurant did you go to? I sure miss California food, and what I wouldn't do for an In-n-Out burger.
So, for today.....what are your plans?
Just one day at a time!
In n Out is my favorite!!!
Hope you are doing well Frank. Glad to hear about the nice dinner.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
[/quote] The past year has been such a colossal waste of my life. I wouldn't let go of the need to try to control anything. Angry, sad, happy, hurt.
What I learned from all this is that I don't like hurting all the time. But I was addicted to it.
I actually feel somewhat relaxed right now. Tired, but relaxed.
I have no control over anyone else. I control only my thoughts and feelings. [/quote]
Frank,
I wouldn't say the last year was a waste of your life, it was a learning experience that you need to use wisely. You have seen that it wasn't getting you anywhere so now you know you need to change it. Let go of the past and live in the present. Don't even look to the future because none of us knows what our futures hold.
If you keep dwelling on the past it will get you no where. Someone told me to keep track of all the positives in my situation so I did (that is how I got my name T2SP - Trying to Stay Positive). There were days when I thought my life was over without my stbx. I didn't want to wake up in the morning because I knew it would be another day with him not around. I lived my life wishing and hoping for the day he would return. I didn't care about anything else. It was all him, him, him.
One day I got so down I decided life wasn't worth living without him. I haven't told many people this story but I want to share it with you. My girls were at their dad's place and I got out my bottle of vodka and started drinking and drinking. (I'm not a heavy drinker so it doesn't take much for me) The more I drank, the more depressed I became. I went into my bedroom closet and got out my stbx's shotgun. I was ready to end things. I wanted things to be over.....
I have a friend who I call my texting friend because we very seldom talk. He is an airline pilot and is very seldom in town and that is the reason we text more than talking. Well, on this day, I sent him a text with only one word on it "Busy?" He called me. He said something told him to call and not just text. If not for that call, I may not be here today. We talked on the phone for 2 hours. He was over 3000 miles away at work but took the time to talk to me. That was my wake up call.
After that, I knew I had something to live for. God had other plans for me. It wasn't my time to go. From then on, I did what I could for me. I have started living again. I go out and have fun. I can do this. My biggest fear was growing old alone. I had a choice of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself which meant I would grow old alone or getting out there and meeting new people and living again. I choose to live again.
I was on anti depessants for 7 years. Yes, 7...but I have been off of them for a little over 3 months and I have never felt better. It is because I choose to be happy again. I'm not saying anything wrong with taking them because they do take the edge off and I am thankful for them when I needed them. But now it is my turn to take over my life. I want to control my own emotions.
I have still had good days and bad days but any day is what we make of them. When you get up in the morning and you tell yourself it is going to be a bad day, then it will. When you wake up always tell yourself today is going to be a great day.
You have a lot of people on here that I have noticed care a lot about you and your situation. They have given up part of their lives to try and help you through your rough times. You need to step up to the plate and show them that you can do it.
Once you start doing for you and seeing how much better you feel, you get addicted to enjoying life again.
I went through limbo for almost 4 years when I finally decided I was worth more than just sitting around waiting for someone else to decide what they wanted to do with their life. I wanted to get out and have fun again. I took control of my life again and no one will ever run my life for me again. I make my decisions. Some may not be great ones but it is my choice.
Whenever you feel you WANT that drink (because we know you don't NEED it) do something fun. Take a walk, call a friend...anything but lift up that bottle. Alcohol is poison. You may think it is helping to ease the pain but all it is doing is prolonging the inevitable. You drink to hide from your problems but when you sober up....BAM the problems are still there.
I come from a family of drinkers and I know how much it can hurt someone. I have seen things in my life that I hope my children never have to see. It is all about the children Frank. You can do this for your children but first, you MUST do it for FRANK!!!
I know you can do this. I haven't read all your posts but the ones I have read recently, you are reaching for help. The help is right in front of you. Grasp it and don't let go. Listen to all these people who care about you.
I would not be where I am today without the support I received from the people I met on here. I'm still meeting more and more of them even though I at the final stages of my divorce. The good thing is I know they will be there for me for a long time.
One day I got so down I decided life wasn't worth living without him. I haven't told many people this story but I want to share it with you. My girls were at their dad's place and I got out my bottle of vodka and started drinking and drinking. (I'm not a heavy drinker so it doesn't take much for me) The more I drank, the more depressed I became. I went into my bedroom closet and got out my stbx's shotgun. I was ready to end things. I wanted things to be over.....
Thank you for sharing that with me! I know that pain. The biggest thing that keeps me from going to that place is that I'm not a quitter and I do not want my girls to ever have to go through their lives with that memory of me.
I know life can be better. While I am not looking forward to STBX moving back in to the house I am seeing it as an opportunity to learn how to let her go and not need her, or hate her.
I have a lot of repairs to make on my own life. Today is a 'Brand New Day'
