It was difficult, it IMO will always be difficult to not continue a family tradition as a family. Oh well, another unnecessary piece of collateral damage from the bomb. I can tell you that I was extremely grateful for all of the texts from my friends on this board, that really helped hold things together.
I think it is wonderful that you are writing down your feelings, you sure do come here so much less and that is a wonderful thing. You are out there, getting a life, living. Good. It does get mushy during the holidays and this has always been the safe place, I think that is why I have logged on to read also. It's like Welcome back Carter. Familiar. A part of us.
I felt sad for you when i read the above quote. Sad b/c I hope that next year, you can get through the holidays looking forward to YOUR traditions and not looking forward to what is MISSING from the prior traditions.
It is one of these situations where the "adult" in us needs to take hold. BLAH !
So much easier to stomp and pout.
Do you remember your Christmas last year? Carrie slept over, on the sofa, so that the kids could see you guys as a family?
Do you remember how she went with T bug or Ross to the store to get some movies you wanted and how she hid them in the garage, and is that when she made you that pie? I could be mixing up different events. I think that was for Christmas.
Do you remember that she was still with her BF, but she came to the house to stay anyway?
I am not defending carrie in anyway. I believe she is about as big an a$$ munch as they come.
I just remember thinking how difficult that stay at the house could of been for her but she did it anyway.
She gave as much as she could.
She has drawn her own boundary.
She wanted this divorce, she wanted this life. This is what she has, and she is going to make the most of it. Right or wrong, she has made her choice.
Is it a choice that has come with the biggest blows of pain that you ever imagined? YUP.
Can you imagine following thru on something, even tho you know that the path of destruction that will lead to it will hurt so many?
What an awful feeling she must have had inside, to want to get out of something so bad, that to get what you want, it involves causing hurt, losing loved ones, losing the love of your daugter etc etc.
She needed to breathe, in her own warped demented way. She just needed to breathe.
Did she take the cowards way out? Absolutely. That is her style, and as crappy as it is. You need to accept it. Not for her F her. For you, and your peace of mind.
Let her go. And you really have done that so much already. I know that times like these you can get down, and get angry. Lord knows I know that anger.
Be free!!!! Allow yourself to enjoy YOUR new traditions. YOur new relationship, your new found relationship with your children.
Love her enough to say to yourself. "I hope that this new life brings you the peace that you have been so desperately searching for" , and close the door, and breathe.
You had a loving marriage for so many years. Some poor souls never know what it is like to look over at the person you love, in the morning, and get that sleepy "I love you"
You had that. Thank God for that, and also thank God for opening a new chapter in your life. We need to step up our faith at times, and trust.
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” Buddha quotes
“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” John M. Richardson, Jr. quotes
“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” Marcel Pagnol quotes
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Bean, I imagine at this point in time you have absolutely no nails left on either of your hands. I know the courage it took for you to even post this and let me say right off the bat, excellent post.
Here we go.....
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I felt sad for you when i read the above quote. Sad b/c I hope that next year, you can get through the holidays looking forward to YOUR traditions and not looking forward to what is MISSING from the prior traditions.
In 2 years when I have them again, I believe I will be able to. It was just hard this year because it was my first and I am mr. mushy.....
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Do you remember your Christmas last year? Carrie slept over, on the sofa, so that the kids could see you guys as a family?
Do you remember how she went with T bug or Ross to the store to get some movies you wanted and how she hid them in the garage, and is that when she made you that pie? I could be mixing up different events. I think that was for Christmas.
Do you remember that she was still with her BF, but she came to the house to stay anyway?
I remember bean, and I really do appreciate the effort she made last year, I wish she was as real this year. She isn't.
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I am not defending carrie in anyway. I believe she is about as big an a$$ munch as they come.
I just remember thinking how difficult that stay at the house could of been for her but she did it anyway.
She gave as much as she could.
She has drawn her own boundary.
She is an asss munch, and you are defending her actions from last year, and you are right to do so. She really came through last year which I imagine was very hard for her to do. Last year was a long time ago, but I do not forget what she did for our kids last year and I do appreciate it.
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She wanted this divorce, she wanted this life. This is what she has, and she is going to make the most of it. Right or wrong, she has made her choice.
Is it a choice that has come with the biggest blows of pain that you ever imagined? YUP.
Believe me bean, I cry for her and what she has lost with Tawny. I cannot even imagine for one minute not speaking to my child for 4 months. Not being a part of her life in any way for going on 5 months. The woman I loved, does not deserve this pain. The woman she is today, you are correct, is reaping what she has sewn.
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Can you imagine following thru on something, even tho you know that the path of destruction that will lead to it will hurt so many?
What an awful feeling she must have had inside, to want to get out of something so bad, that to get what you want, it involves causing hurt, losing loved ones, losing the love of your daugter etc etc.
She needed to breathe, in her own warped demented way. She just needed to breathe.
Did she take the cowards way out? Absolutely. That is her style, and as crappy as it is. You need to accept it. Not for her F her. For you, and your peace of mind.
No, I cannot imagine something that I would never ever do. Yes, she had to support her decision, but you also have a responsibility to be the adult and do what is right to minimize the collateral damage. She has chosen to make it worse. I do accept this, I do understand that this is who she has chosen to be. I do know that it is her cross to bear and not mine.
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Love her enough to say to yourself. "I hope that this new life brings you the peace that you have been so desperately searching for" , and close the door, and breathe.
I can't do this right now. I have tried and I simply do not have it in me right now to wish for her to be happy and that her new life will complete her. Maybe it is selfish, maybe it is just my stubborn personality, or maybe it is just because I have to much anger still deep down inside of me.
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You had a loving marriage for so many years. Some poor souls never know what it is like to look over at the person you love, in the morning, and get that sleepy "I love you"
You had that. Thank God for that, and also thank God for opening a new chapter in your life. We need to step up our faith at times, and trust.
I am very grateful for having known that kind of love. I am grateful for having experienced a good relationship for as long as we did. At the same time I am still very angry she took that away. I am very angry that after having those same times with Yakeline I question how long it will last. I am very angry that now I will always have trust issues and question people who have never done anything wrong to me. How fair is that? Do I do it on purpose?? No, I do it because I still have a constant reminder of the singed parts of my inner most emotions.
This is a long process. I try as hard as I can to keep things slow in my new relationship because it is so damn obvious to me that my heart is not completely healed. I try to be as honest as I can with Yakeline about where I am at in my own emotional state. She, thank God, is very understanding and has not pushed me for anything. I think that I try and be as aware as possible because the last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone that I care very much about.
You did warn me that this would be difficult. You did give me the heads up I needed and I believe I probably came through with like a "B" maybe even "B+". I have just decided that as I feel these things I am going to share them rather than bottle them up like the Ian that gets himself into so much trouble.
I do believe that time will heal all of this. I also believe that there will be many more occasions where I have to face these feelings and hurts and work through them in order to truly heal. I hate the fact that I know that I will have to suffer and hurt in order to grow, but it is simply the way things are right now.
I can also promise you that if I ever feel like Yakeline and I are moving somewhere that I am not ready to go that I will be honest with her and stop it before it gets to a point to hurt her. Urghhhhh, the hard part here.... I do love her. Am I ready to commit to that and make our relationship more than it is, nope.... I questioned myself almost daily in the beginning whether or not this relationship was a rebound and I tried to make sure that I didn't do anything like that to her. So in answer to your post in the alternate universe, no bean, I would never do that to her.
Thank you so much for posting this to me bean. It gives me lots to think about and review. You, contrary to your own beliefs are a wonderful poster with incredible morale and ethical words in your posts. I can always rely on you to keep my integrity in check. Thank you so much for that, you are a dear friend and I love you very much.
phew! I was about to watch the marley&me moviewith the kids, thanks for the heads up. Thanks fore reminding me about setting new traditions, I did read that somewhere but didnt' get a chance to do it, I'll make sure I come up with new ones for the other holidays.
We spent so many years celebrating holidays as a family that it will seem unreal for a while to celebrate them without them Ian, it is the nature of the beast, nothing odd about it. But I pray that each year we find outselves stronger and I know we will be in a better place.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Therapy for Tawny bear last night. Kind of funny as the therapist tried to explain MLC to a 15 year old girl. She called it temporary insanity...... Next appointment willbe Carrie alone with the therapist...oh to be a fly on the wall.....
Lunch today with Carrie to discuss home school for Tawny, divorce finalization, and her boyfriend (OM) calling Tawny a Manipulative Bitch in a conversation that I found out about. She needs to put him on a short leash because if he says anything like that about my daughter again I am gonna address him directly....
Therapy for Tawny bear last night. Kind of funny as the therapist tried to explain MLC to a 15 year old girl. She called it temporary insanity...... Next appointment willbe Carrie alone with the therapist...oh to be a fly on the wall.....
OOOOHHH Me too!!
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Lunch today with Carrie to discuss home school for Tawny, divorce finalization, and her boyfriend (OM) calling Tawny a Manipulative Bitch in a conversation that I found out about. She needs to put him on a short leash because if he says anything like that about my daughter again I am gonna address him directly....
Ian
Oh HELL NO!! I can call my kids whatever I want--they are mine! However, if someone else steps in with their warped opinion--especially someone who is part of the root problem--and the Mama Lioness is coming out! Can't wait to hear about this!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Well, had lunch with Carrie. Let's just say it was ok, good moments, bad moments.
She doesn't want Tawny in Home school. Says that Tawny runs away from her problems rather than facing them. Before you think it, yes I did laugh at that. She asked what I am laughing about and I said "not a damn thing" with the biggest grin on my face you can imagine.
When I told her what OM had said she:
A. Got angry at him and promised to deal with him expeditiously. B. Said she would talk to him about it and make sure it did not happen again. C. Said Tom would never say anything like that, he may have said manipulative, but never would have called her a bitch.
Well....... wait for it, wait for it......
DING DING DING........
If you guessed C you would be absolutely correct ladies and germs.
I looked her square in the eye and said, " Well I do believe he said it, and I am bringing it to you to address. The next time I will address it with him and make sure he understands exactly how I feel about it. "
She told me she will ask him about it and if he says he did say it she will address it....BULLSHITTTTTTT
Anyway, she is making an appointment with the therapist and will let me know what her and the therapist decide regarding Home Schooling. hmmmmmmmmmm
I stopped at the bakery and got the GF some fresh Strawberry and Cream muffins so I could get my mind on something happy instead of the psyhotic adventure ride that is Carrie.......
So as I am driving back to work I heard a song on the radio, as I listened to it, it just screamed Carrie... so in honor of Swashy, here's some lyrics for Carrie.
Seether- Fake it
Who's to know if your soul will fade at all, The one you sold to fool the world. You lost your self esteem along the way. Yeah.
Good God, You're coming up with reasons. Good God, You're dragging it out. Good God, it's the changing of the seasons. I feel so raped. SO FOLLOW ME DOWN.
And just fake it, if you're out of direction. Fake it, if you don't belong here. Fake it, if you feel like infection . Woah, You're such a fuckin' hypocrite.
And you should know that the lies won't hide your flaws. No sense in hiding all of yours. You gave up on your dreams along the way. Yeah.
Good God, You're coming up with reasons. Good God, You're dragging it out. Good God, it's the changing of the seasons. I feel so raped. SO FOLLOW ME DOWN.
And just fake it, if you're out of direction. Fake it, if you don't belong here. Fake it, if you feel like infection. Woah, You're such a fuckin' hypocrite.
Woah, Woah.
I can fake with the best of anyone. I can fake with the best of 'em all. I can fake with the best of anyone. I can fake it all.
Who's to know if your soul will fade at all, The one you sold to fool the world. You lost your self esteem along the way. Yeah.
Good God, You're coming up with reasons. Good God, You're dragging it out. Good God, it's the changing of the seasons. I feel so raped. MAN FOLLOW ME DOWN.
And just fake it, if you're out of direction. Fake it, if you don't belong here. Fake it, if you feel like infection. Woah, You're such a fuckin' hypocrite.
Fake it, if you're out of direction. Fake it, if you don't belong here. Fake it, if you feel like infection. Woah, You're such a fuckin' hypocrite.
I like how you can see some humor in the hypocrisy and craziness of your STBXW. You seem to be moving on quite well and have the #1 priority at hand - your kids.
Also, I like that you are telling your stately brother to your east to stop wallowing in his own self pity right now. Life throws curve balls once in a while and we just need to adjust and knock them out of the park.
Keep doing what you are doing.
PS. Not all people named Carrie are batchitt crazy!
I can tell you this, until I was able to look at this and see the humor in the insanity I was going nuts. I had some very bad times for the first year and a half until I developed the backbone to stand up and call crazy crazy.... You ahve to really look at the stuff in your world and recognize what is within your span of control and what is not.......
So I guess that God has chosen to test my faith yet one more time. Due to the economic downturn I was laid off today. As you can imagine it is horrible timing right after Christmas and all. According to my company it is a temporary lay off for 3 months. I get that and all, but am not sure exactly how I am supposed to afford to live for three months.....blech........
It is New Years eve and I am trying very hard to fight off the fears and insecurities that are creeping into my head. While I do believe that God always has a plan for us, and I do have faith that I will land on my feet and that in the end everything will be ok, I am a bit scared right now. This year has been financially devastating to me and with the $4000 in lawyers fees that I just emptied my savings account to cover, I am not exactly sure what I will do.
I am going to forget about this tonight and spend the New Years with Tawny bear and try not to worry. Tomorrow I can begin to put together a plan and figure out exactly what needs to be done. In the meantime, those of you that believe in it, please add me and my kids to those prayers at night.
