*Should I fight custody?*already signed sep.agr

[runningoutoftime]

Oh man I just feel for you. Reading all this makes me wish you were here on the west coast in California, and I could take you to a Starbucks so we could sit together drink coffee, eat cranberry bliss bars and hash through all this together.

Anyhow, I'm glad to hear he took most of the stuff because you won't want those memories. You need to start new. Get things you really like, new stuff... you have an excuse to shop! Yaaaay!!!

Too bad for him about him changing his mind on the babysitting expense. CALMLY tell him if he has problems or wants to make any changes he needs to talk with his lawyer and not you. In the meantime, you stick to what you want and decline whatever you don't agree with. At this point it doesn't matter who's fault it is, you have to work with what you have and do the best thing possible for the children.

Ah.... as far as the cell phone records, just delete them. Who cares....

Does your 5 yr old have a cell phone so she can call you if she has any worries or concerns? I don't want to alarm or scare you, but I'd have a talk with her about what is "inappropriate" and that if she's uncomfortable about something she can call you. Chances are absolutely nothing will happen, but a non-relative boy who may have lived with previous "dads" (my guess is mom may have lived with other men prior to shacking up with your X2B), and a chance the 5 yr old could be alone with him might concern me just a little, and cause me to carefully educate my kids about things so they can protect themselves or know how to react.... which any kid should know regardless. But do this carefully so you don't scare the kids!!! And don't you freak out either!!!

Do not overreact!!! Just try to be prepared. If you are prepared everyone should feel less anxiety because they will know what to do. They will be prepared for any senario and know what to do rather then worrying about what could happen. It's like Earthquake preparation. We don't want to scare the kids about them, but going over it, giving them the tools on how to react, it will only make them more confident.

Stay strong, and try to be positive for your kids. Hard times and big challenges can make us stronger. Teach your children to face them and prosper in spite of them.. because if they didn't have this difficult time to overcome, there would be another at a future time.

{{{{hugs}}}}}

[cat03]

thanks sweet)))))))) still checking on me after all this time, you have more care and compasion in your little finger than donkey ever did in all the time I put up with his crap.
Had a good session with the C today, she is very kind and my son likes her, she taught me a few things about talking to my C and did remind me that I have to let go of fretting about my kids at his house with her kids, asked me if I was a woman of faith and reminded me that God is watching for my kids.
Right off the top she told me how she didnt' think donkey;s R would last, and that I didnt' need all that grief in my life, that I had to be the constant in the kids lives since he will fluctuate.

Doing a bit better, I just LOVE my book 'healed without scars", here are a few tidbits that have jolt me into life:
-All out expectations should be placed in God
-We should not rely on our faith in God, rather in His ability to work in out lives, our faith has to be connected to God's strenght, not ours
-Sometimes situation dont' change, but we do
-About the woman who lost her son whom Jesus resurrected: 'the funeral was an interruption on the young man's potentian and his mother's future, not the end of them. When they encountered Jesus they entered the infinatg realm of posibility.'
-Satan will challenge every component of my deliverance.

I have a few plans for this weekend and i'm looking forward to thenext few days, a lunch at work tomorrow, christmas party with my single parents tomorrow, late at night dancing with my cousins...


it will be ok...

[runningoutoftime]

Sounds like a nice weekend ahead. One thing I want you to keep in mind when things look negative or bad... look for the silver lining. There always is one. Even if it's teeny tiny, it's always there. Sort of like that sappy Pollyanna movie when she talks about the "glad game."

For example, you might be sad about a piece of furniture XH2B took, but instead you can be glad because you get to pick out something new that you'll like even better. I remember I missed my H when he moved out, but then I loved having the extra space in the closet and being able to stay up all night reading without having to use a stupid flashlight under the covers. Everything has a positive and negative.

Also, with our children.... we do want to protect them. I know I do. I'm massively protective of my kids (and actually other people's children too!). But on the other hand, I know they have to learn how to deal with difficult things in life. Since I cannot always be there to protect them, and I cannot always fix everything no matter how hard I try, the best I can do is try to teach them about things, and give them "tools" on how to deal with different situations, ways to react, encourage them to talk with me, and when bad things happen brainstorm ways they might create a better outcome if they go through it again.

Anyhow, you have a wonderful weekend Cat and I'll be sending good thoughts your way!

[cat03]

you are a good friend root)))))))))))) have a great weekend

[NoCodeBlues]

Hello, Cat,

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

[cat03]

thanks Nocode, best wishes your way, all of you have been in my christmas prayers))))))))))))))))))))

[bright_new_day]

Suzy, since you are in VA, how long does it take for D to be final after final? just wondering when stbx will put on airs after his upcoming M.

Sorry, I haven't been around the boards much lately. In my case, my ex filed a deposition after we had been separated a year (VA state requirement if you have kids.) It didn't take long after the deposition was filed, maybe two weeks, then the finl decree was signed by the judge and we were divorced. I found out about 4 days later because I was checking the court websie regularly. I looked at it during work and went to lunch and told my friends. Very anti-climatic after all the [censored] he had pulled. So less than two weeks after I found out we were no longer married, he married OW (on Valentines day no less ). He called to tell me before the kids came home "so I wouldn't be surprised." I wasn't surprised, in fact, I won $20 in a bet that he would marry her on Valentine's day, that is how juvenile and predictable his behavior had become. My friend didn't believe me when I told her he would! LOL

[cat03]

a deposition? hmm, not sure how that works. We have a sep. agreement all signed, he was whining because the cost of getting a L and filing would be as much as what we paid our expensive mediator, boo hoo.
I really wish MIL stoped telling me any more details, they just come out, and still it feels like a small kick in the stomach. MIL talks about how he's in over his head (keeps buying animals, his place looks like crap) and how gf is running the show.
They came from MS with all her stuff... and her kid. Today was the second day my little d5 was with her s6, she was so sad when I dropped her off this morning, but when I called tonight she was having fun making a tent with him, I was glad for that.

I'm still fighting the feelings I get when I see them together, they came in her car today to pick up something, MIL telling me they are going to a new church as if all those years of attending ours meant nothing (he went back to the denomination he used to be part of when we first met). Guess they are both all happy now, the new...ugh...family getting along... for now, my son is still yet to come again and then her d9.

At least my son is doing better, the C is awesome and we'll be going next wednesday.

I do pray that the kids get along, dont' get me wrong, but it still hurts, that after all those years and after all the crap he's put me through he gets to play family with my kids and her. I know this feeling will pass, that I need to hang on to my faith and to the time my kids and I have together, I know it will be alright.

[bright_new_day]

a deposition? hmm, not sure how that works. We have a sep. agreement all signed, he was whining because the cost of getting a L and filing would be as much as what we paid our expensive mediator, boo hoo.

I guess after being separated a for a year either party can go give a deposition, and there also has to be a "witness" deposition (my X had a co-worker go in). They both went to X's lawyer's office and gave their depositions that we had been separted a year with no reconcilliation. The lawyer prepared the final decree of divorce and it was all sent over to the courts. My lawyer also got a copy which she sent to me to approve. It was held up a little on my end because I hsd decided to go back to my maiden name, so I had to get that paperwork together, which included a copy of my birth certificate. X was so antsy about getting it done quickly that when I didn't immediately respond he had a court date set, but my paperwork got there and it all went to the judge. The judge simply signs it, we weren't even there, and voila you're no longer married. Part of me wanted to force him to go into court and face me to get the divorce, but it would have just cost me more money and as f*&%$d up as he is, he would have still said it was all my fault and what I wanted, so I just sent in my papers. And then I checked the court case online regularly and found out one day that I had been divorced for about four days. And about a week later X married OW.

I do pray that the kids get along, dont' get me wrong, but it still hurts, that after all those years and after all the crap he's put me through he gets to play family with my kids and her. I know this feeling will pass, that I need to hang on to my faith and to the time my kids and I have together, I know it will be alright.

Yep, yep, been there, done that. I know the feelings well. They don't deserve to be a family with your kids, but it is what it is. And I believe that no matter how much they may appear to be the happy new family, at the end of the day they still have to face what they did, and that will never erased, so how happy can they truly be? They had to destroy others to "win" their happiness. I wouldn't want that price. I wouldn't want to live with that legacy over my relationship.

[cat03]

thanks Suzy)))))) it's taking me a while to accept how fast this idiot had shaked up with someone and will be marrying this person who already had 2 kids.

I guess he will be setting up a deposition with his L, he was balking about how he had to get a witness to sign it, be he'll have gf do it for him, whaterver, why should i care.

Having a good tiem with my family at least, i have my kids until thursday