I wasn't questioning whether a letter should be written or not. I wanted to help CM contemplate the reasons for sending it in the first place.
IMHO sending a letter can be very healthy. You get thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It doesn't matter if the other person reads it or not. It doesn't demand a response like a phone call implies. It can be tucked away and saved for years, or thrown away. It cannot be misquoted like a conversation can be. The peace sometimes comes that you did the right thing, regardless if the other person reads it or not.
I did this recently with an adult son that has cut off all contact with me. I felt a desire to reach out to him, to let him know I loved him and I was committed to doing whatever possible to repair any damage I had caused in our relationship. I started out by saying that I was writing to let him know my feelings and if he didn't care and wanted to read no further and throw the letter in the trash it was his perogative. I stuck it on the windshield of his car at work.
I don't know if he got it, maybe even the wind took it away and he never saw it. But for me it has brought peace. Those thoughts of doing something, saying something, taking the initiative and breaking the silence are answered. For me, I can say I did the right thing and let it go. Peace. Leave the rest up to God.
CM, I just want you to identify the why first. Then everything else will follow. An old quote comes to mind, "If you don't know where you are, you'll never know where you are headed".
I've also heard prudent suggestions of going ahead and writing the letter, then putting it away for a week. After a week, pick it back up and see if it still needs to be sent.
I agree with 4Kids CM - just what will the letter to your W achieve?
She wants a D, which is against your religion so you say no. So the message she gets is your religion is more important than her. I am not saying that is right or wrong.
It is unlikely it will bring her back, more likely you'll get it returned with the words "give me my divorce!!!!" written on it.
But will it make YOU feel better with yourself? Are you feeling good about yourself? Do you need your W to understand your religion? Why? If you are happy with your God then why should it matter what she thinks? or anyone else for that matter? By being a Christian you are doing what you want to and it's not hurting anyone else, so why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Do you want friendship with your W? Why?
I don't mean to make it seem like I am attacking you, just provoking food for thought.
I know you are deeply religious, and I respect that, but I'm seeing a guy dogmatically following the rules laid down centuries ago in a foreign language which have been translated and possibly mis-interpreted over the years. This is why i told you to go look inside yourself recently. To hear what you would call the clear, small voice of calm. You're still looking to emails, the words of others to find ... what? I am so sorry if you feel attacked here, it's not my aim. I'm trying to help you feel the peace that appears to elude you. “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
What do you want now - don't write what you think you SHOULD want ... how would you have your life be?
What are you hoping to accomplish with this letter?
4kids, firstly a big thanks for getting involved in my thread and for showing your support even though we're thousands of miles apart
Firstly, a few other standers have asked me repeatedly IF I have ever "told" my wife the WHY part of my STAND and how that has affected the d-proceedings.
I don't think my wife has ANY notions as to my stand and merely sees me as preventing her from leaving the marriage (legally).
It wouldn't be an attempt at finding the "magic bullet" to bring her home - even though that's what many of us pray for
Seeds can be planted by our Heavenly Father at ANY time in our wayward spouses hearts so that's something to contemplate - I AM a fixer and have wanted many times to somehow "manipulate" the situation, but I know it's not my place to do so.
I'm obviously interested in seeing how a letter to my wife would sit in the scheme of things, but as we have zippo contact the other intention would be a small glimpse at the "reasons" I have for STANDING whether she subscribes to them or not...AND without appearing I am still pursuing her!!
She remains in my daily prayers but apart from that there is no "pursuit" or attempts at contact - her having a boyfriend (shudder ) expalins "most" of her behaviour for the last 19 months in that this has been an "easy" transition for her knowing there was emotional (and physical) support for her on the other side of the river (literally )...
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but the lady I married once had a deep sense of right and wrong and yes, I do know she's been taken prisoner by the enemy so I'm merely verbalising some thoughts I've been having
It's been ages since I've posted as soooooo much has been going on & over the next few days I hope to post some updates
It's kinda confirmed that my wife will be having her lover's child on / around the 15th January 2009
Incidentally our Heavenly Father has kept us out of court despite the date of my wife's Walk Out being over two years ago already (09th November 2006)
Anyways, take care everyone and keep in touch & STAND in the gap
Best wishes & blessings CM
"There can be no TEST-imony of a restored marriage without a TEST"
PS: I thought I would post this as encouragement for everyone
Quote:
- - - - - - - - - -
REVIVE MY SPOUSE'S HEART!
"I was enraged by his sinful greed; I punished him, and hid my face in anger, yet he kept on in his willful ways. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel. Peace, peace, to those far and near," says the LORD. "And I will heal them." Isaiah 57:17-19
Your Lord sees your spouse's heart and the circumstances they are living in right now. God also sees and knows all about your pain and suffering. He will heal and touch their hardened rebellious heart.
Will you believe? Will you stand in the gap with unconditional love for your spouse? As we enter into the month of February, which is know by many to be the month of love, may you pray fervently for your spouse's heart to be touch and changed by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Many years ago, when my husband was living in sin, I kept crying out to my Lord seeking to know if He wanted me to pray for Bob and for our marriage to be restored. One of the many scriptures given to me was the scripture above in Isaiah 57:17-19. What a promise from my Lord. "Lord, go and touch my spouse's rebellious, unclean heart.
Where is your spouse right now?
Many spouses who are living in sin are blatantly doing things that no one who knew them before ever thought they would do. They have completely changed their thoughts, behavior, and moral values. Often these men and women were actively involved in serving the Lord. Now they do not even consider the high cost of having sexual immorality in their marriage. They seem not to care about the pain and suffering of their children.
Why is this happening?
Never forget that they have fallen into Satan's trap, who is out to steal, kill, and destroy every mate and marriage. Your spouse has become blinded and deceived to logic and reasoning. They seem to have no common sense. They have given up all moral value, often exposing their children to other men and women who are living in a sinful lifestyle. They are running in disobedience from their Lord God, who created them.
"These are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the LORD's Instruction." Isaiah 30:9
What can you do today to help your spouse? They do not want to talk to you. They want to be left alone and live their own lifestyle of sin. You can pray and speak scriptures with your spouse's name in them, doing spiritual warfare in the heavenlies, where the true battle is going on for their soul. As you read your Bible daily, notice a verse that is powerful, stop, and personalize it, praying that one scripture at that very moment as a prayer for your spouse.
Here is an example:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." Proverbs 4:23-27
Your spouse is not your enemy. This is a spiritual battle that you need to learn to fight through the power of prayer and through God's Word. There is such power in praying and speaking God's Word!
"So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11
Stand on that powerful promise! Dear stander, do not become weary in shooting our Lord's powerful weapons of warfare. Any of us who have loved ones who have been become blinded, deceived and are trapped in Satan's camp, need to be faithful, diligent, and tenacious in our prayer life. In God's perfect timing, the chains of sin and bondages will break loose, by the power of our Lord God.
If you keep speaking and hammering the Word's of God into the mountain of your sinful circumstances, one day your mountain will suddenly disappear by the power of our Lord God. "Lord, remove my spouse's heart of stone. May You touch and change my spouse heart and resurrect our dead marriage."
"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men." Psalm 107:13-15
) if you need one.