I am a little torn about new guy right now. For whatever reason, he is getting on my nerves. He really is one of the nicest people I have ever met. However....maybe he is TOO nice)...can someone be too nice? I feel like he agrees with everything I say, and I don't think he would say what he REALLY thinks. He is also very routine and the routine is starting to get to me, and he is VERY predictable. He does have very good qualities too and I feel extremely comfortable around him. IDK, maybe I should cool things off with him a bit.
Kris,
I HOPE there is no such thing as "too nice"! That was my X's primary complaint with me over the last 5 years of our M. Who knows...
But, I think what you are experiencing with NG right now is normal. At least I hope it is normal because it is what I have gone through. I can tell you that some of it might be residual from your inner torment with feelings for X, I know I can always tie back my "wanting to cool off" times to periods when things were weighing on me. I think it is a natural defense mechanism. Heck, you don't need to jump into anything serious right now anyway! You need to rediscover and enjoy YOURSELF and somehow or another get your heart back into your own possession before you can give it away again. So start making a list of the qualities that NG has that you like, and those that you dislike. Evolve that list as you move along so that you will know what you are looking for, the COMPLETE PACKAGE!
I guess you would put "Not Too Nice" on that list!
I feel like he agrees with everything I say, and I don't think he would say what he REALLY thinks.
Red Flag girlfriend!!!!!! If he is not giving you his honest opinion on the simple things and telling you exactly where he stands on issues even if they are the total polar opposite of yours then he's not communicating effectively. Back away or talk to him about it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I HOPE there is no such thing as "too nice"! That was my X's primary complaint with me over the last 5 years of our M. Who knows...
Sorry Steve!!! I hope I didn't strike a nerve there
I guess what I mean by too nice is that he does not disagree with me ever. Which makes me wonder if he is honest, because how could he NEVER disagree? I don't know, I'm weird.
The weird thing is that his xw wanted him to go to anger management. He agreed on the condition that she would cut out her gambling and go to MC. She refused. I think it is so weird that she wanted him to go to anger management...I can't even imagine him getting so mad at me that I would suggest that...but maybe I don't truly know him yet. I have known him for about a year and a half and my mother has known him about four.
I have noticed that I go through phases where I REALLY like him and then phases where he is on my nerves. Maybe it is me. Maybe I am not ready.
No worries, I have no nerves left! Somehow or another my skin is thick. Go figure!
Originally Posted By: klm
I have noticed that I go through phases where I REALLY like him and then phases where he is on my nerves. Maybe it is me. Maybe I am not ready.
Sounds like normal dating stuff to me. Ready for what? Ready to date? If so, then what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Ready to find Mr. Perfect? Whether you are or you aren't, doesn't sound like you have "found" him yet so again, normal stuff.
Just because you don't go gaga over someone that appears to be a good catch doesn't mean anything. All you are feeling sounds pretty healthy to me. If you were going gaga, then I would worry about you being rational!
I guess I never really dated. I dated a guy in highschool for about three years.....that was the first person I went out with. When I went to college we dated the first year and then I broke it off because it was long distance and I didn't think I wanted to be tied down.
Went out with a few obvious jerks.
Then I met H and it was unbelievable. Went out for five years before getting married. Didn't even stay married as long as we dated. I have either been in long term Rs or just out once.
I hear ya on the dating. I never really dated either. My first long-term boyfriend (or what was considered long term in high school) was 1 year and he broke my heart. The next few I just went out with occasionally and there was just nothing there. Then I met Gabe and I ran like a scared rabbitt because the feelings were overwhelming. He chased me down for 2 years in which I dated him but couldn't bring myself to commit for all sorts of reasons. I finally let him catch me after that. We dated 4 years before we got married, stayed that way 14 years happy and 1 year separated before the D.
I have to say, dating is a scary idea and I can't imagine ever letting another man get that close to me.
You take care of you first, the rest will follow!
Last edited by mishka422; 12/17/0810:43 PM.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks everybody! I hope everyone had a great Christmas.
Whew! I have been so busy this week. I actually left work sick last Friday. It kind of hit me all the sudden and I didn't even think I was going to make it home. It only lasted about a day though so that's good. I took off Monday and Tuesday....now back at work today. At least it is Friday! There is NOBODY here today!
I talked to MIL on Tuesday. They always do Christmas Eve morning for the family. A little sad to think that I was not going to be there. I was there last year as xh and I were reconciling. I guess OW was there this year. I didn't ask and I didn't dwell on it. Just tried to keep myself busy. I made a conscious decision not to let the situation get me down.
My mom had a bit of a breakdown on Christmas Eve. My dad left 5 years ago and at times it still gets to her. I think the fact that he was spending Christmas with his new wife and her kids was getting to her. She kept saying "I just can't believe he is spending Christmas with STRANGERS!" I know how she feels and I have not really seen her break down like that. It was sad, but I just tried to keep her mind off of it.
XH paid the insurance this mont...only 2 days late this time. He paid too much but that's ok...I'll take it as pain and suffering. I actually didn't know he had paid it since he put the check in a different place than usual. I sent him a not so nice email...and as soon as I hit the send button my mom called and said she found the check. So then I sent him another email. I was pretty mean in my first one. Oh well.
Still haven't had time to take pictures of the apartment but I will definitely post some on FB this weekend.
I can tell you that some of it might be residual from your inner torment with feelings for X, I know I can always tie back my "wanting to cool off" times to periods when things were weighing on me. I think it is a natural defense mechanism. Heck, you don't need to jump into anything serious right now anyway! You need to rediscover and enjoy YOURSELF and somehow or another get your heart back into your own possession before you can give it away again. So start making a list of the qualities that NG has that you like, and those that you dislike. Evolve that list as you move along so that you will know what you are looking for, the COMPLETE PACKAGE!
So then I sent him another email. I was pretty mean in my first one. Oh well.