Hi Everyone, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my situation lately. Part of me says move on and the other part says keep DBing.
Let me give you an update. This past weekend I didn't see H very much at all. Friday night he said he had the stomach virsus. With his past of so much lying, I had my doubts if he was telling the truth. Sat. morning he called and said he was working near my house and needed to come use my bathroom because he had gotten sick on the job. Sat. night DD20 came over. I asked her how he was feeling. She said I guess okay, he went hunting this afternoon. I later called him about 8:00 to see how he was feeling. He said he was in bed with the chills. I said I thought you went hunting. He said I did because I was feeling better, but started feeling bad again and came home. Sunday he had to work. I did not hear from him.
Monday night DD17 had to cheer at a game and they were doing their Christmas dance. H called about 4:00 to see what time they would be dancing because he was working out of town and he would get there before she danced.
I went earlier and sat with some friends. I noticed him when he got there, but did not acknowledge him. He was standing in the foyer talking to our neighbor who is the principal. DD17 had a break and came and talked to me and then saw her dad and went and talked to him. He later walked in the gym and stopped and talked to a friend.
When it got time for DD to dance she had to change and she wanted me to come help her with some pinnings. I walked by him and he turned around and looked at me like he was wondering where I was going? I told him I had to go help DD. My friend said he watched me leave the gym and kept watching for me to com back in the gym. When I got finished I came back to gym and he turned around again. I told him I got her taken care of and then I went back and sat with my friends. He again looked surprised that I didn't sit with him. It wasn't long before he came and sat behind me with the rest of the dads. I acknowledged him, but kept watching the game. Soon, he was making small talk with me. He also let me know that he worked from 7:00 am til 8:30 Sunday.
I did not hear from him the rest of the week. Yesterday he got a delivery from Fedex for the business. I called him and he wanted me to open it. He of course was hunting. I told him that I would bring the package over when he got home. He said no, I'll come to your house.
I need to give a little more info. Tuesday, the OW's ex H called and said that their son said the my H had been to their H briefly a couple of times in the past two weeks. Although she still works for him, he said they didn't see each other outside of work.
You all know me well enough to know that my mind starts working overtime. All I could think was that he and the OW are involved again and he didn't want my car there in case she drove by. So, I called him back and told him not to worry about coming by my house. He of course was shocked. He said what is wrong? I told him that I knew he had been there. I said I have told you that I will not be in a triangle, if you are, we need to end our relationship.
He then tried to turn it around on me and ask why I was still talking to to the ex H. I said I can talk to him if I want, you talk to her everyday. He said do ya'll have something going? I said no,I'm married and I continue to act like it. He then shut up.
He then started griping about the last time he was at my house the puppy had urinated on the rug, and he couldn't take that. I said if that's one of my faults, it does not even compare with what you have done. I will not listen to that. He then got another call from an employee and said he would call me back.
He later called and said I'll be at your house in a second, I'm turning on the street.
We had a long talk and I told him that she had to go in order for us to work. He told me that he was going to tell her about two weeks ago after he got back from a hunting trip, but her dad got very sick and put and intensive care. He said he didn't want to do it during that time. I said, well why did you go to her house? He said I guess she called and asked me to, but I didn't stay long. I said well, the son did say that you didn't stay long. I said you do not have to go over there just because she asked you to. I said she has to go. She is like an addiction, if you were tring to quit drinking and a beer was on your desk it would be too tempting. I said it is the same way with you being around her everyday. I said you can find another secretary. He said I know, John (his friend) and I discussed this. I know I have really got myself in a mess. I couldn't believe it. It was really the first time that he admitted that he made a mess of his life and discussed it with someone else.
I have been distant from him and will continue. Any interaction will come from him. We are going to a Christmas party together Sat. night.
Wow, this is long. I'm sorry, I just haven't updated in a while.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
oh Yoyo, have you never seen H4H's posts? Yours is just getting to his short ones lengths!lol I remember us talking about how he does seem to come to you when you back off. Also great truth dart with the I am married and will continue to act like it.
It sounds as if you are doing well. Keep up what you are doing because it does appear to be working at the moment. Hugs.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi Yoyo. Saw your post earlier, but I had to run to the office Christmas party. So, it sounds like you are doing well with him.
From this distance, it looks like you have become more demanding of him behavior-wise. And he is still coming back. So, I see improvement, but not a lot. It is good that he mouths words regarding firing her, even if it isn't happening. At some point either he will do it (I'm not holding my breath), or she will get the idea that she is not his top priority and go look for another man she can control. After all, that's what she does for a living. Working in his office is just a sideline. And it sounds like her ex is still out there as an option. She could even go back to him. (Assuming he has been able to rebuild some wealth after the last time she took him for all he had.)
But I have to say, no one could handle him better than you. (That's not a pun.)
Sara is right, he (in the past) would completely throw out the idea of firing her, wouldn't even consider it. Now I think he 'gets it'. However, I think he is stuck in that phase where he thinks its ok to continue a relationship (working, friendship, whatever) with OW and you shouldn't have a problem with it. Hopefully he'll come to understand!
You are doing great, making him stay away from you, giving yourself space.
Mattie, If you are out there please let me know how you are. I looked for your thread and it seems you haven't started a new one since the last one locked. Are you and DD ready for Christmas?
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
