My W signed my D up for gymnastics on tuesday nights, which is one of my nights with my kids. I think its great for my D. But, W never contacted me or talked to me about this at all, my daughter told me about it. Its sort of a bummer its on my night with the kids as I don't get to spend that night with either of them. I have to drive her there. My son doesn't want to go on the ride. So basically were gone for a few hours. On monday nights my son is at bball practice, so I am not going to really be able to see him much on mondays or tuesday nights now. It sounds sort of selfish, but being that my time is cut in half with them to start with, each day becomes that much more valuable to me. I guess its frustrating shed just sign her up on my night without even consulting me. Don't get me wrong, I love that my kids are doing this. I just sorta feel she's taking advantage of me.
Now, going with the flow. I didn't email her or start any confrontation at all. I guess the 180 would be to contact her and tell her how excited I am about it. Not sure I could do it without a certain level of sarcasm. Oh well.
Hi there Tostada - under the circumstances it takes a will of iron not to be drawn deeper into "the game" - my first thought would have been to sign D up for something on W's night!
But of course that gains nothing but short term satisfaction and likely would create problems further on down the line as well as upping the stakes...
I know you desperately will want to make sure things are fair and this feels like things have tipped - but if you can, does it help to see things from your D's POV? Is there anything you and S can do while your D is involved in that class? Even if it involves taking a ball along to kick? Tennis, swimming, crosswords - anything will do if you can get your S interested...
The least damaging way of viewing this for you is likely to be to go with the flow and just remember this as showing your flexibility and goodwill for some time in the future when you might need it reciprocating...
I have to say that when I stopped fighting my wife on every issue, things became an awful lot calmer and easier for me - even though I had to flex in some ways I found "challenging". In my experience goodwill breeds goodwill...and that, I read somewhere, is the cornerstone of friendship...
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
By no means do i mean to downplay your feelings here...nor do i profess to have solutions. It dawned on me just now that your latest post does not contain anything to really get mad at your wife about. The reason i feel this way is that i have little animosity towards your wife...i have no emotional baggage. i suggest that we should all strive to get to this level of detachment in our own sitches. It is extremely difficult to get there, I know.....trust me. It will do you alot of good if you could at least try to get there. Don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy your kids!
I have to say that when I stopped fighting my wife on every issue, things became an awful lot calmer and easier for me - even though I had to flex in some ways I found "challenging". In my experience goodwill breeds goodwill...and that, I read somewhere, is the cornerstone of friendship...
Originally Posted By: John210
Don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy your kids!
A couple of positive quotes for you to think about.
Originally Posted By: Toastada
That party is on a Tue night. She has the kids that prior weekend, the kids come here after school on Mon and return to her on Wed. She has plenty of time and all her relatives know the deal she has created for herself. I'm sure she just told them it would be no big deal and she could just take them whenever she wants. Its not an inconvenience and I'm sure I'm playing this all wrong, but, there are consequences to her actions. It's not all great and perfect now. The point of it is she has been a total jerk to me. Then I get this very nice email from her about this. Now because she wants something from me, she has to be all nice. That's what ticked me off. She has ignored me and blown me off over and over. I dont think me caving into her every need and wish right now is going to change anything.
I'm not trying to down play things but this is the type of drama you need to get away from, this is the small stuff (small to us) that you shouldn't sweat on. These are the type on things you shouldn't fight on.
Enjoy your time with the kids and try to find some way to maximise it and make it enjoyable for all.
I'd say talk with your daughter, tell her you want to spend those nights with HER, and then tell your wife "no i will not waste my precious time with my daughter like this, especially since you did not even ask me. she will not be going to gymnastics on my night".
Have you come on this board to give serious advice or are you a WUM (Wind up Merchant) intent on stirring up arguments. I see from your other posts that somone else has asked you a similar question in a more polite manner.
tonight...W takes Son and Daughter to basketball game. I am also at game as I have season tix...son is there because he works for team.....he could have gone with me, but it's her weekend so she used his tix and went. I run into a friend at halftime says W leaving and my son is going home with him and his son...this is former husband of w best friend who bailed on her husband too...would I rather take him home? sure I would..so I do...
so...during the game, she sends me an email saying thanks for bringing him home and to bring him right home after the game as she has dinner for him. I had to take a friend home after the game and my son said he was starving..so he and I went and got some food. W became irritated and started sending me emails asking where we are, that I better not have fed him, and that all this is completely unacceptable, blah blah blah....
so...how can she dictate on when he's coming home if she cannot even do it herself? isnt she sort of at the mercy of the person that's helping her out? It's pretty amazing to me that she'd leave him behind.
I guess your point is to not worry about what she does....but, when you get emails like that from her about how irresponsible she is and how it effects my kids, it gets on your nerves.
I know how you feel....believe me, alot of things that my W does gets on my nerves...but....it does us no good to dwell on it. It's nice to vent here though....we have no choice but to let it go. In my case anyway, the more things she does that get on my nerves, the more I realize that I need to continue on the path of moving on. I try to take the high road (usually i just shrug it off)....unless her actions are really affecting my daughter, I let it slide.
