Hi Marisol, think the e-mail came from someone she knows or x-bf that they broke up after 4 years. I did get a call and they did not have nice things to say about her. My H is in for a wild ride and is an idiot to be taken in by her. I know that others have a suspicion and it is getting bad to come in because I keep thinking about it.
I would send that e-mail that H sent last year to OW...lol..not really but good to think about. I have some old cards my H sent me and it is sad to look at them.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hey guys! Sorry got back from church late last night so I didn't have time to catch up. Nothing new here day 19 of Plan B. I have had no contact and no boundary testing. I am sad and it is very hard but as I said before sharing my H is not a lifestyle. I never intended to share for the rest of my life. A choice must be made and he wants to cake eat and wait on having to make a choice. Sorry not gonna have cake. I loved Plan A knowing I gave him lots of cake so he could see, feel and remember how good cake was. Made some changes and he could see how it could be if he came home. So Plan B is his deciding time, I just now pray that he makes a decision before I lose all love, which is diminishing daily unfortunately. I keep praying God give me grace and strength to at least make it to the one year mark. I read this website for betrayed spouses one time. It polled them asking them top 10 things to know when you go through something like this. One of the top ten was do not make any life decisions for at least 1 year. I think its even the same in the event of a death. I think because we could make a decision based on anger and sorrow instead of wisdom. Which for me I go between being super angry and then really sad. I hear this is normal in Plan B and that it evens out after about 3-4 weeks. I should be concentrating on myself more and thinking about him less.
I think we need to use the time to work on us and not obsess over them-ya I know its stinking hard! I feel myself obsessing and I hate it. God does not want us using all this time on these pointless thoughts and all of our obsessing can't change a thing...I'm talking to myself right now...LOL
Today I am going to purpose to stop all this stinkin thinkin cuz its driving me crazy. I am going to thought stop today and try and find something on that list to do to keep busy. I really wanna go get a massage!
Ya on the subject of dating. I have 2 close friends who are going through the same thing as me but 2 months before me. Well guess what they both started dating right away to kill the pain. Guess what 2 friends are regretting it. I laugh cuz they told me to date and I said no way jose! I will not date until I feel over my H and complete as a single person. I don't want or need to have someone by my side to feel whole, happy and loved. That's the wrong order. you don't go to someone to feel that, you should feel that first then you can date. It hilarious, now they are trying to figure out how to get out of these relationships. I tell em I sure am glad to hear you guys cuz it makes me really glad I have made the choice I made.
Ya know Hope all the reality checks are great! Don't forget to use those people to your advantage! God sent em your way for a reason so use them!
Marisol, I think that your H may have meant what he said when he wrote that a year ago. Remember that in SAA he explains the addiction and how we cannot treat them any differently than addicts. I think its wonderful that he has no resources. Gotta hit rock bottom before you can look up I always say. This is the life he chose for now and he must feel the weight of it. Its a good thing and now he can't bum off you which is even better.
For both of you guys it doesn't matter if they move in with OW, it cant really get any worse I mean they are already sleeping together. I think possibly the moving in can rip the fantasy apart as well. Now its not this fairy tale anymore. Now you gotta take out the trash and wake up to this person every morning. Then they can start to see the character flaws in them. Its not always bad, if it does happen.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
T2L, that is why we love you...You make soooo much sense. Your right if H moves in to OW house -- It is her house not his, and if we end up selling our house he will have nothing because it won't be enough for him to buy something. Also your right about the day to day living. H is a SLOB and OW is very neat and that would be a disaster. Great perspective. I am around also if you need a pep talk. 10 days is not a long time unless you are waiting. You are a doer and I know you are impatient but you are surviving one day at a time. Get that darn massage! I read this on rejoice ministries which gave me some insight on how our H's will do during Christmas. I modified it for space issues.
What Are Holidays Like For My Prodigal? In short, holidays are horrible out in the far country of life. Everything we see, hear, or do is a reminder of what life was like before our home was attacked by satan.
We prodigals attempt to deal with holidays in one of three ways. The most painful is to attempt to replicate our family’s traditions in our own miserable surroundings. Secondly, we may attempt to totally ignore the holidays. For prodigals where the enemy has planted another person into the picture, the prodigals may attempt to join in on his/her family’s holiday traditions. If you are a stander, rejoice when that happens. Rejoice? Yes, praise God that is taking place. Let me explain.
Have you ever noticed an adult in church for the first time in their life? They are uncomfortable as they attempt to do what everyone else is doing, without knowing the reason. That is what I was doing and I can promise you that is what your prodigal is experiencing at the family gatherings of that other person as well.
When the other woman’s extended family would gather, I was treated politely, but nevertheless as an outsider. I did not know the incidents they were talking about. I barely knew the people there, much less the grandmothers they spoke about.
If you want to see a dance called "The Prodigal Wiggle," let Uncle what’s-his-name start loudly telling old anecdotes about the other person’s spouse! The prodigal knows that family’s treadmill of tradition is about to flip them when good old Unc finished his story with, "I sure miss him/her not being here," and the prodigal is certain every set of eyes in the room is on them, silently wondering, "Why are you here? This is our family." I never attended an "other person" function that I did not feel totally out of place.
I left every holiday gathering in the far country nursing my wounds, after being flipped by another family’s treadmill of tradition. The salt in my wounds was hearing my children innocently report on "holiday as usual" at home, as Charlyne worked alone to carry on our family traditions. That, my friend, is one of those times when the Holy Spirit is quietly saying, "Why don’t you stop this foolishness and go home to your family?"
We prodigals think we are made of tough stuff and dismiss that urging, thinking the next far country treadmill trip will be different. The process is repeated over and over until finally we are beat up enough to go home.
Do you realize how many journeys toward home are started on holidays? For most prodigals, being flipped by the treadmill of tradition softens the heart. This Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year holidays, as God plants the urge to minister to your prodigal in your spirit, may you always seek His will and only His will for your direction.
I thought this was interesting and can only pray that is what happens. Stay strong.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Just another tid bit I found by the writer of SAA.......
About 95% of affairs die a natural death within 2 years of discovery. And 70% of those 5% that survive to marriage end in divorce. Even the 30% of the 5% (1.5%) are not all happy marriages. So the odds of your husband finding happiness with his present lover is so unlikely that it's safe to say that his affair is the worst mistake of his life. But because you're married to him, it's the worst mistake of your life, too. And you didn't do anything to deserve it.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
{{{{{T2L}}}}}}}} TGIF. I do agree with those statistics. And the dumb WAS end up having an awakening and most of the time it is too late.
How are things going for you? Are you keeping busy? I spent the last few days putting up some Christmas decorations and me and D15 put the ornaments on the tree. The only part that was a little sad was when D15 put the angel on top (that was always what her Dad did), but I did not cry just said matter of fact, Colleen you have the honor of putting the angel up.
I also put the ornaments up that were given to H (NFL) right in the front so when he stops over he will see life goes on. I just want to put some lights up on our palm tree which I plan on doing tonight. T2L you would be proud of me.
Talked to SIL this morning, she said that I should go back to CT next year and take D15 with me. Tell her brother that this is the results of his behavior and you know where to find me. She said he will not make it on his own with his family gone. What a SIL I have! She would make a great DBer. It is something to consider, since as long as me and D15 are here, he can have his A with OW, continue to see D15 and know that I am waiting for his return. thoughts?
Well I am off to the gym. I am completely out of Plus sizes and that is a major achievement for me. I have staff meeting with H today, got new jeans that fit well, black stretch shirt -- hope it is not cancelled! I feel strong and confident today. T2L I wish you my strength today.
When is X-mas party planned. I think now that the house is decorated I think I might plan some of the neighbors and D15's friends to come by. take care everyone.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Well I am off to the gym. I am completely out of Plus sizes and that is a major achievement for me. I have staff meeting with H today, got new jeans that fit well, black stretch shirt -- hope it is not canceled!
Whooo Hooooo! You go Hope! Out of the Plus sizes that is so very cool and what an accomplishment! Proud of ya!
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
T2L, this yoga/weights has saved my sanity some days. I don't have to depend on anyone and just go. Are you still taking salsa? What are you doing this weekend? I know you have plans for dinner next week with friends for anniv. day. Wish I could fly out and support that day. We WILL get through this. We just have these trigger days that make us go off.
Well went to gym at lunch and worked my butt off (or should I say on --trying to build it up--lol). Staff mtg - Saw H in hallway and normally I stop and talk to him. He is wearing this heavy leather jacket (it is in 50s today), I said "a little cold" and laughed and walked into the hallway of the meeting.
Then I get stopped by the admin who asked me a few weeks ago if everything is ok and she asks again, are you ok? She said you seem distracted, and then asks me if I was mad at her. I told her absolutely not. Then she invites me out next week to "talk" and come over her house and she promises to keep it private. Well H comes down the hall and sees me talking to admin and I could see he looks nervous (I already told him about previous comment), so admin starts to walk away and said I will contact you about next week. H just looks at me. I go into the meeting and 3 minutes in I find out they are talking about a presentation for next week that I am not part of. I ask my boss guess I don't need to be here. I get up and I see H trying to make eye contact, I sortva do a 1/2 wave and slither out of the room! Another 180 - Normally I would have stayed for the meeting just to see H. It must be the weather because today I did not care.
So what are the weekend goals everyone??? T2L -- what do you have planned. I did see 4 Christmas last week and it was funny. My D15 thought it was a little depressing because of all the divorced parents but Vince Vaughn is a riot. It might be good for you to see something funny. Also guess what was on tv? Christmas Story!!! You have GOT to see it. Can't believe you never saw it. Get it and watch. That is your homework.
I wish everyone a good weekend. check in..these are the times we need to support each other. hang on it is going to be a wild ride.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
T2L, well day from h%ll. AGAIN. I come in this morning and taped to my monitor is this....
Your husband is screwing the pig ____ _____.. what a dumb a$$
out in the open. some people come in at 6:00 am...I came in at 8:40 am so I do not know who saw it if anyone.
I took it down and tried to call H. No answer -- I do not leave message. I am really shook up. Go into restroom and probably cry for 1/2 hour. Cleaned myself up and went to yoga during lunch. stressing stressing.
I start to freak out (forget DBing), and go to my H's office. H at his desk and i said here is what I came into this morning and tape on his monitor, I want to talk to you outside. H turns pale, and we go out. I said this is destroying not only your career but mine. I think someone wants me to know so when you get turned in they will say I knew about it and did nothing. H says I think it was one of the 2 girls in the other office and I think the e-mail you got was from OW xBF. I said who cares who sent it--people know and I think it is getting around to everyone. I tell H look what this has done -- I shake his arm and say WAKE up. what are you doing. This is nothing but a sleazy A with your employee. H said well our M was no good and I wanted out. So I said so that was the reason you had to go and cheat. I said when the day is done it was all about sex. It started off as a mistake and will only get worse. WTH do you think this is Romeo and Juliet and look what happened to them. I said quite a bit more (definitely Love busting) but at that point I was over the edge. Then I drop the bomb. I am tired of staying here being embarrassed, hurt, shamed because of YOUR actions. After the new year, I am going to look for a job back East and move there. It is a shame because I like it here and like the warm weather. I am NOT going to wait for you to lose your job or being embarrased by your actions and I am taking D15 with me. so H in fog fog fog babble says you are just leaving because I don't want the M anymore. I said the M was s$it, I never want to go back to that lousy M, I have been working on myself and making good changes and I will meet someone new and they will have all the benefits unlike you who jumped into this A and has changed none of your behavior. Isn't that what you want for me to "move on" and then I will have a good guy that will be involved in our lives and you could stay here and ROT in Tx with OW. If you want me then you will you have to fight for me but in the east. I am so done. That note was so true -- OW is a pig and you are a dumb a..
I lost it maybe for good. H did not show one sign of being out of the fog and I think he was looking at me as a "science experiment". Time to go dark. Wedding ring comes off as of tomorrow and when the questions start I am going to say "ask H". this has been one of my lowest momemts. T2L, I will be home tonight. I hope your day goes better than mine when H shows up again at your house. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
