can't keep their pants up that long BND, isnt' it pathetic? stbx only has kids 2 or 3 nights a week, but still, he had to bring gf to live with him without even giving the kids a week a day! of warning.
The overnight things was actually supposed to be in our legal sep. papers, but it wasn't on the final draft and I just let it go, perhaps it would've bought my kids a month or so or not, I don't know, I was told told that even if it was there the court wouldn't have done much to enforce that.
Anyways, too late for that. And I'm sure that as soon as the D comes through he'll marry gf before the ink is dry on the D papers.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
can't keep their pants up that long BND, isnt' it pathetic? stbx only has kids 2 or 3 nights a week, but still, he had to bring gf to live with him without even giving the kids a week a day! of warning.
The overnight things was actually supposed to be in our legal sep. papers, but it wasn't on the final draft and I just let it go, perhaps it would've bought my kids a month or so or not, I don't know, I was told told that even if it was there the court wouldn't have done much to enforce that.
Anyways, too late for that. And I'm sure that as soon as the D comes through he'll marry gf before the ink is dry on the D papers.
Yeah, it made the difference of three months in my case, from when we signed the papers until we were divorced and he was remarried. I am fortunate in that my X's new wife is nice enough to the kids, although from what I hear she is lazy and doesn't actually do much for them. D10 (almost 11) complained after spending two weeks with them this summer that SHE was responsible for making sure her younger brother was fed, and that no one really supervised them. Oh well, it is what it is.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
"I'm done trying to "reason" with stbx." GREAT! Stick to the agreement or get it changed, otherwise leave him alone. You are right, he is not going to share your perspective. You've got it!
"in retrospect it was futile"
Remember, futile is best case. The more you push, the more he will act out. Leave him alone, and rather than act out against you, he'll be left with himself. Left with himself, I'm just not seeing that his road to M with GF is a done deal at all. Could be of course, but this isn't a LTR yet even in terms of dating. They don't even really know each other. Things are going to be hard for them no matter what. If you butt in, they make you the butt of their troubles. If you MYOB, they can only blame each other. So, if you'd like to see her out of the picture for your kids sake, MYOB.
If you butt in, they make you the butt of their troubles.MYOB.
yikes! I hadn't even thought about that! you are so very right... as it is stbx is trying to say that s10 is acting up just and only just because of the few new rules he's set up, not seeing that it's his R with gf the root-- he's blaming it all on s10.
MIL and I agreed, that when they get married (he didn't spend a few hundreds on a big engagement ring for nothing) and the honeymoon is over either
1) He'll stay with her because he was NEVER able nor had the spine to break up with anyone (stringing along then ow for half a year, lying to me and going to C while cheating..) Once those kids move in he wont' have the guts to tell her to move out.
2) He'll stay with her because even if their R deteriorates she wont' let go of her meal ticket, she already knows he's bound to inherit thousands once my very sick MIL is gone and will caress his ego and play it up.
anywayyyyyyyyyyyyys, I will try to mind my own beeswax and the less I know of them the better.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
D10 (almost 11) complained after spending two weeks with them this summer that SHE was responsible for making sure her younger brother was fed, and that no one really supervised them. Oh well, it is what it is.
yuck, I'm so glad my s10 is there for my little d5, he is very protective of her even if she harrasses the daylights out of him!
We'll have a great xmas, stbx will go to MS since gf will want to spend the holidays with her kids, so I'll have my kids on his days YIPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'll do cartwheels here but tell this info with a matter of fact tone when I talk to my son, I dont' want him to think that I think time with his dad is a bad thing (even if it is at some degree.) He'll have them for xmas day for a little while since he works, he even had the nerve to complain "is not really fair since all the holidays I have to work" well, duffus, had you been a good H and father you'd be able to be with them all the time.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
He'll have them for xmas day for a little while since he works, he even had the nerve to complain "is not really fair since all the holidays I have to work" well, duffus, had you been a good H and father you'd be able to be with them all the time.
Yep< i feel the same way. When X says anything about time with the kids I just think to myself, "well, you chose to be a part time dad, you chose OW instead of working on your marriage and keeping your family in tact, no sympathy from me!"
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Suzy, since you are in VA, how long does it take for D to be final after final? just wondering when stbx will put on airs after his upcoming M.
To those whose kids stay with WAS, how often do you get to talk to your kids? stbx keeps insisting it is disrupting that son texts me when he's with him (2-3 days a week) and that why do I have to talk to them if I'm going to see him soon? Normally it isnt a problem, but last night I couldnt' get a hold of my son, I called, texted, send a txt to stbx asking him to let son know I'm calling. Smells bad, he's up to something he didnt' want me to know or that I'd make a fuss about so he probably took my son's cell, haven't heard from stbx nor my son all yesterday (I see my kids today)
STbx sent a txt from my son's phone, I know it was him and not my son by the way he answered and how he didnt' tell me why he hadn't call me (my son loves to text me). I'm still riled up about it, I didn't get to talk to my daughter either and that just tears me up, on top that I dont' have my kids I didnt' get to talk to them.
Son has been acting up and even confessed on monday that he'd call his dad a name (another sad first, my son is an awesome boy), so that could've been a reason, but stbx always tells me if that's the case. Then again, when gf is around he barely texts back, he wants to show how little he cares for communicating with me when she's around, MIL tells me how he never calls her and if he does she is always within earshot. Yup, his b@lls are in her back pocket alright.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I talk to my kids daily. At a minimum I speak with each of them via phone each night. Two of four have their own cell phones so usually I can talk to the younger two through the older two. Some nights, like last night, the two oldest are away from the youngest. I texted my X asking her to have them call. After 30 minutes they didn't so I called the home phone and talked to them that way.
The two oldest text me daily and will call when they need to talk. If my X takes away their phone they will call me from another phone to let me know. She sometimes gets perturbed that they call but the two oldest are very good about standing up to her over it.
Worst case scenario for me contacting them at night is to call the X's phone. That doesn't happen very often.
Had another question, stbx has started the D paperwork, the official sep. date is Jan. 19, he wants me to start signing stuff now, because of the kids I was considering going to court and I 've been told it is easier to change things before the D. Well, he is furious, he says I agreed already to D, that what difference does it make now or Jan. 19. About the kids he said we can come to some agreement depending what the C says but I dont' trust him, he could just change his mind. HE keeps saying how he does want to be with son but doesn't knwo why son hates him now, that he is not giving up any time with them, that he is showing he cares.
ARGHH, this idiot doesn't get it, you don't need to beat a kid to mistreat him, he still thinks he did nothing wrong to make my son feel bad. SO much to think about...
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Of course it is easier to change things before D. Basically, before anything is put to paper and placed before the court, make sure it is what is best for you and your son. Based on how he has been acting I would wait until you have to sign before doing so. But also keep in mind that long-term you want your son to have a healthy relationship w/ his father, so don't be punitive now in regards to that. Make sure the opportunity is there for the healthy relationship in terms of the time allotted to him. How he handles himself and how he takes advantage of that time is up to him. If he does his job as a father right, then things won't be so tuff on you in terms of how you have to handle your son. In a perfect world both D'd parents would make their children the top priority, but that just isn't the case many times. You expect him to conduct himself in a similar fashion as you conduct yourself, and he just isn't willing to do that right now. That is really all it boils down to...
I agreed to stuff in my D that has come back to bite me a bit, but nothing compares to how I've had to take extra special care in how I conduct myself and my relationship with my four kids. Their Mom didn't handle anything with discretion or sympathy for her kids, basically put them through a combine. While I did hit a point this past summer where I thought I might have to GO BACK to court in order to get them with me more, it passed. I figure there will be ebbs and flows in this as time moves on, but in the end I'm sure it will settle down. She told me once that we had different parenting styles (of course we didn't pre-sep & divorce) and that I would have to deal with her elected style of parenting. Bad as I hate to admit it, she is correct. As long as she isn't abusing them then I have to let her live her own life as a parent. In the end, how she elects to live that life and fulfill that role will dictate her kids view HER. How I live my life and fulfill my role as Dad will be how they view ME. I can't control her actions or what my kids think of her. I think the same holds true for you.
